<p>I think I have a very different perspective than many on here.</p>
<p>Adults - parents, relatives, friends- do not have a right to tell adults how they should behave or treat someone else. Friends may have a riff, a parent may have a problem with a child, a child might have a problem with a relative and so on. It is their right to act how they choose to act with the person in conflict…what is not healthy or appropriate is for them to ask or expect other adults to join the battle and behave a certain way with said person. This is where you get the “well if you let her come to the wedding, I’m not coming” and “if you talk to so-and-so then you are not my friend anymore” and on and on. It’s dysfunctional and ridiculous. </p>
<p>Your sister obviously has a problem with her daughters choices and would like to gain control by withholding. It’s her choice to do so (though it seems mighty dysfunctional to me). But your sister does not have a right to bring you into the fold and expect you to play along. It is not at all appropriate. </p>
<p>It’s your money, the kids are independent adults. You can and should choose to have the relationship you want to have with them and as you say, there is nothing to hide. If your sister has a problem with it, I think it’s your sister’s issue to work out, not yours.</p>