Reuter's News Article on Home-Schooling

Pre-College Issues Home Schooling and College
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his reminds me of the principal I sat across at lunch one day. Even though I told her my daughter had made A's in her college classes, the lady argued about whether my daughter could function in society.</p>

<p>?

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<p>She sounds a little insecure about public education.</p>

<p>My experience with public school admins has been mostly positive especially when I showed them my son's book list. They usually start out with their presuppositions but after seeing the curriculum used they have a different attitude. Many of them have very little experience dealing with home-schooling parents but many will give credit where credit is due.</p>

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Drosselmeier, I don't know how I would have held up if my daughter hadn't applied ED last year. Fortunately, she let me work on her transcript. That kept me busy, and the ED deadlines came quickly. I didn't get time to go too nuts over what she was or wasn't doing.</p>

<p>But once the applications are out, it's pure torture. We do the best we can to launch them, and they are clearly ready to fly, but to have to wait so long for what feels like a roll of the dice... </p>

<p>We got off easy, only having to wait for ED decisions. I really can't imagine waiting for RD decisions to come out, but you're in the home stretch!</p>

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<p>Drosselmeier - we're waiting too. April 1st. I've wondered what I can do to keep busy.</p>

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Drosselmeier, I don't know how I would have held up if my daughter hadn't applied ED last year. Fortunately, she let me work on her transcript. That kept me busy, and the ED deadlines came quickly. I didn't get time to go too nuts over what she was or wasn't doing.

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<p>Yeah. My daughter should have chosen a better strategy for ED application. She probably would have been sitting as pretty as you are now. But, oh well. You live and learn. I feel I have botched everything by my ignorance. had I known what I know now, maybe I could have counseled her better. But I have got it now. That is for sure. The rest of my kids will have a much better time of it all around, especially since I will be a lot more confident and not be such a nag. I am normally pretty easy-going – VERY laid back. But now I have become a wreck, a silent wreck, but a real honest-to-goodness rusted-in-the-engine wreck nevertheless. I just want it to turn out beautifully to confirm what I have always taught the kids about hard work and stuff.</p>

<p>Also, my daughter is my first child. I don’t have favorites or anything like that. But, I guess it is getting to me how I used to hold her in my right arm like she was a football. I carried that girl around EVERYWHERE like that. I'd work around the house sometimes all day with one hand. She’d be totally conked out with her arms dangling out to the side, and me carrying her for hours on end. Now it’s all gone in a snap.</p>

<p>What is also getting to me is that I see that the eyes of the rest of my kids are on my daughter-- fourteen little eyes -- and I see that she is such a champ that she just keeps pushing confidently forward even though she knows the rest of our children are learning from her how to do this college thing. It just has to be a lot of pressure on her, but I really can’t see that she is being affected by it. That kind of worries me because I can’t understand how can she just be so blue-blooded about it all.</p>

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But once the applications are out, it's pure torture. We do the best we can to launch them, and they are clearly ready to fly, but to have to wait so long for what feels like a roll of the dice...

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<p>My goodness, that was perfectly said. I think I have learned a lot about this part of raising kids through this college stuff. You know, it is really time to let go. I have managed to keep a calm and confident demeanor around the house – for the most part. But goodness sakes alive! Somehow, I always saw the time of letting go would arrive pretty obviously-- maybe when we left our kids at college or maybe after marriage or something like that. But to tell the truth, I have been letting go for sometime. It’s just that now, my daughter is also getting in on the game, actually pushing me away and going off on her own. I’m a little angry because we’ve always been incredibly close. To be real honest – I am pretty dadgum hurt and full of pride all at the same time. And I’m just sick of it. :) (gotta keep smiling).</p>

<p>What’s really funny is that my son will be going through all this next year. And I am as cool as a cucumber about it. He tells me that he will definitely make the school my daughter gets into his first choice, if it happens. And that is comforting. But he is also thinking of trying for some schools in big cities. When he mentioned the cities (New York City and the like) I was like, “Yeah. Go ahead and do it! Nice choice. Tear it up, son!” But when my daughter made her choices I was like “Whoa honey! That is a BIG BIG city!! Uh, I don’t think you really want that! What you want is a NICE college in a NICE sized town, like maybe with one or two hundred people in it, huh? You know, one of those unincorporated places? What do you think? That way you can get to know everyone, huh? That sounds good to you, right?”.</p>

<p>All of her life I have taught her to do her own thinking and to be independent. Now that I am being forced to follow through, I ain’t exactly a happy camper. Never been so blooming neurotic in all my born days. (gotta breathe here – slowly. One…two…three…)</p>

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We got off easy, only having to wait for ED decisions. I really can't imagine waiting for RD decisions to come out, but you're in the home stretch!

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<p>Yup. Eager to just get it over with and lets see the damage. It helps to vent here. I hope you folks can deal with it. I’m done. Won’t clutter the threads anymore because I think I can make it to the end now. LOL.</p>

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Drosselmeier - we're waiting too. April 1st. I've wondered what I can do to keep busy.

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<p>Well, my fingers are crossed for you. Your kid will be fine. Of course, you seem like a pretty levelheaded fella. So you're probably doing nicely yourself.</p>

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<p>No not really. I am feeling everything that you are, and my daughter is acting the same way yours is. How comforting to see I'm not alone. Homeschooling kids to college is a bit different I'd say. </p>

<p>We've been doing the independent/dependence dance for awhile now. We're close, but things are happening where I can see the strings being cut one by one. It's exciting and scary all at the same time. I love her so much.</p>

<p>I just wish I could make that decision for that admissions committee. I hate it because I have been in control of so much with homeschooling. I hate not being in control of this important decision!</p>

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<p>Drossel--you only THINK it gets easier with #2! Ha! That's what we thought... Dd#1 picked her school (looked at a number of them), auditioned, was accepted and promised money that day, went and is thriving.</p>

<p>Fast forward several years to dd#2--who decided she wanted to try for a military academy! NASS, AIM, MOC nominations, DoDMERB, NROTC, PFEs, CFAs, PCQs, NCAA and LOAs ad nauseam filled the next year and a half. Don't know what all those are? We didn't either, but we do now! I feel like I've gotten a Master's degree in college counseling in the last two years.</p>

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<p>I understand, heartcross.</p>

<p>I was glad that my first was relatively easy, since I was still figuring out transcripts, cover letters, course descriptions, etc. He applied to four colleges, was accepted at three (waitlisted at the other), and received a great financial aid offer at his first choice. </p>

<p>Second child is a music student. So, along with transcripts, etc., we had to worry about audition tapes (and live auditions, where possible), repertoire lists, double applications (one to the college, one to the music school of the college), etc. And he applied to a ton of schools, since getting into a music school can be so iffy. AND he didn't have a first choice, which meant we had to let him do college visits and have lessons with the trumpet teachers to be sure where he wanted to go. (He did that AFTER acceptances, to limit the number.)</p>

<p>Thank goodness, that all worked out, too. He didn't get the great financial aid offer his brother did, but, since he is the youngest, I am free to work more hours now, so we are managing.</p>

<p>But yes, the waiting is the worst part!</p>

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<p>Yes, we did the live audition thing too. And dd#2 just sent her audition tape off... Just think--graduate school looms on the horizon! ;-)</p>

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<p>I don't have a problem with homeschooling, but it's..I don't know...very unnatural.</p>

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<p>I think forcing someone to spend their childhood sitting at a desk writing notes is the most unnatural thing in the entire world. Children are naturally curious and animated, it's tragic to see that wonder for life be squashed after thousands of hours sitting in front of a blackboard.</p>

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<p>I agree gavroche. In the long evolution of human society, the current school system is a very recent experiment, having very little to do with nature. </p>

<p>I believe one day people will look back on this chapter in human history and think it was crazy to take young people out of their natural settings, herd them together, sort them by age, and make them sit still most of the day.</p>

<p>For me, it was a prison sentence, and there was nothing natural about it. Not everybody experiences school that way, but I did, and many young people still do. It's not healthy for those who do.</p>

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<p>whoa now, not healthy? that is the most absurd thing i have ever heard. i agree that maybe some schools could have more hands-on activities and not sitting/notes etc. but school is the best place for a social life (I know there are ways for homeschool kids too, but it doesn't compare to seeing friends everyday etc and only through school do we have senior trips, dances, etc) and what do you propose with this people looking back? certainly the entire population will never be homeschooled, so what other alternative do we have? not to mention, many schools are not even just sitting there. nowadays there are new activities and more groups/team work projects and all that</p>

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<p>sittingbull, I said someone experiencing school as a prison sentence, is not in a healthy situation. What's absurd about that? </p>

<p>When before in all of history was it necessary, for a healthy social life, to force young people to spend their days in large same-age groups with minimal interaction with older and younger people? The current system is a product of industrialization, and like the sixteen hour work day, it should evolve into something more reasonable over time. </p>

<p>The idea that our only choice is between sending children to school in large same-age classes or homeschooling and isolating them, is simply mistaken. There are school models vastly different from the standard American model. For example the New Zealand model calls for small multi-age classes and has been quite successful from what I've seen.</p>

<p>Few homeschooling situations allow for the kind of isolation you are assuming. My homeschooled daughter went on trips with other young people, attended dances, and saw friends on a daily basis. I think if you were to investigate actual homeschooling situations, you would be surprised to find things quite different from what you expect.</p>

35

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Oh, I can deal with it now that I'm out of it myself. My daughter actually applied ED in fall '04 to attend this year, so her application results were more than a year ago. I'm at a different stage now - she's an only child, so I've sent off my first, and have the empty nest all at the same time.</p>

<p>Don't second guess things at this point, especially ED. ED is not for everybody. A lot of factors have to come together for it to be the right choice. It's nice to get the stress out of the way sooner, but there are advantages to applying RD.</p>

<p>As far as cutting strings goes, my daughter and I were fortunate enough to have observed several other young people leaving home over the last few years. We noticed they all had one thing in common - they all got into horrible blowups and power struggles with their parents. </p>

<p>It seemed as if engaging in outright war was the only way these families could find to deal with the upcoming changes. They didn't know how to let go constructively, so used major conflict to redefine their roles. Some previously sane people participated in dangerous behavior for no apparent reason but to cut those strings. My daughter and I talked about it and decided we'd do whatever it took to make the transition in a healthy way, without any of us going nuts. </p>

<p>Sure, we had a few fights, but since we were aware of the danger, we managed to find other ways to handle things. It took a huge effort on both our parts. I had to bite my tongue - hard. She had to see it was a tough time for me too, and cut me some slack. We pulled it off, but not without a concious effort on both sides.</p>

<p>That will only work if you give yourself some credit, and trust what you've done with her. It's okay to let her know you're having a hard time letting go, but at the same time you have to let her know you're happy with who she is. </p>

<p>Go to lunch or something - just the two of you. Make an effort to spend some good time together. At the same time, let her make her own decisions about what she does with the rest of her time and respect her for it. And while you're at it, respect yourself </p>

<p>As a parent, you do everything you can to provide an environment where your child will develop what you didn't have. No matter how much you invest in that effort, it's still shocking when it works. You've allowed her to achieve a beautiful calm confidence. You could have messed that up for her, but you didn't. And the dangling arms football hold is your treasure to keep.</p>

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<p>sittingbull:</p>

<p>I was a member of a homeschooling center, joined numerous clubs and community events and workshops, and had a much richer, more active social life when I began homeschooling. The people I engaged with shared similar interests as I did, and we were together because we genuinely wanted to be. My close friends ranged in age from young children to 70. I think this was incomprarably more natural and healthy for me.</p>

37

<p>nan:</p>

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Don't second guess things at this point, especially ED. ED is not for everybody. A lot of factors have to come together for it to be the right choice. It's nice to get the stress out of the way sooner, but there are advantages to applying RD.

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<p>It seems much more competitive than ED. That is what worries me. My daughter has some very nice stats – at least we THINK so. But yikes! There are a lot of cancer curers going for the schools she wants to get into. Its crazy. It sure would be nice to have an ED situation in the pocket. But, I am trying to take advantage of all of that Lamaze training I endured with my wife. It doesn’t seem to be helping in the least. But it gives me something to do. :)</p>

<p>On one happy note we just found out that my son is now a finalist for a really competitive summer program. That is pretty nice, and will keep me occupied for a bit. But not nearly long enough.</p>

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As far as cutting strings goes, my daughter and I were fortunate enough to have observed several other young people leaving home over the last few years. We noticed they all had one thing in common - they all got into horrible blowups and power struggles with their parents. It seemed as if engaging in outright war was the only way these families could find to deal with the upcoming changes. They didn't know how to let go constructively, so used major conflict to redefine their roles. Some previously sane people participated in dangerous behavior for no apparent reason but to cut those strings. My daughter and I talked about it and decided we'd do whatever it took to make the transition in a healthy way, without any of us going nuts.

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<p>I’ve seen this too. I’m not one to get into a big argument about anything. Usually, if I don’t get my way, I just sulk until I feel better. My daughter and I did something like you, but a little different. When she sat me down, we basically decided to transition in a healthy way, with the idea that I’d still go nuts.</p>

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That will only work if you give yourself some credit, and trust what you've done with her. It's okay to let her know you're having a hard time letting go, but at the same time you have to let her know you're happy with who she is.

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<p>This was really great advice. I don’t think I had done this so that it was really clear to my daughter. So I did it this weekend and it seems to have made a world of difference. It turns out that she was also a little offended by something I said about one of her essays! She wrote an essay that was really nice, but philosophical. Right afterward, I was browsing the web and came across an expert who said “DON’T SEND IN PHILOSOPHICAL ESSAYS!!!!” Man! I flipped, and “gently” suggested she send in something else. I think I remember her bristling against that, but I didn’t think it was any big deal. She went ahead and sent in the philosophical essay anyway! Do you have any idea how awful it feels to read an expert telling your kid not to do what she seems to be doing? It is crazy. I was just trying to help. Well. We got it patched. I just told her that no matter what happens, I agree with how she handled it all no matter what that expert said.</p>

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Go to lunch or something - just the two of you. Make an effort to spend some good time together. At the same time, let her make her own decisions about what she does with the rest of her time and respect her for it. And while you're at it, respect yourself

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<p>I’ll do this too. We’ve been so wound up through all this, we’ve not had a chance to enjoy each other like we used to. It just kills me that she will (hopefully) be leaving soon. Gotta make these last few months count.</p>

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As a parent, you do everything you can to provide an environment where your child will develop what you didn't have. No matter how much you invest in that effort, it's still shocking when it works. You've allowed her to achieve a beautiful calm confidence. You could have messed that up for her, but you didn't. And the dangling arms football hold is your treasure to keep.

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</p>

<p>You know, I never really got it how when my grandparents went on and on about memories they’d get so much joy. I got it now.</p>

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<p>Okay, this has got to make you feel better. At least your daughter applied to more than one school. Mine applied to one very selective school. No amount of badgering could change her mind. She ended up applying RD with only a 15% admittance rate, and after all the people they need from out-of-state, etc. I think there is about a 3% chance for her. Could be worse!</p>

39

<p>
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Okay, this has got to make you feel better. At least your daughter applied to more than one school. Mine applied to one very selective school. No amount of badgering could change her mind. She ended up applying RD with only a 15% admittance rate, and after all the people they need from out-of-state, etc. I think there is about a 3% chance for her. Could be worse!

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<p>If I was into betting, I’d honestly bet she gets in!</p>

<p>I’m starting to think these kids have some strange way of knowing what to do. When I asked my daughter why she’s so confident, she just shrugged and said that if no one wants her, she’ll just build up a business she’s sort of started and also do some math work she’s heavily into. She is excited about her alternatives and that is why none of this is getting to her. I don’t know your kid, but I suspect with her being home schooled, she doesn’t feel too much controlled by what some committee somewhere decides.</p>

<p>Having said all that, I’m still shaking in my boots here – for both you and me. It is my great hope that we’ll all be celebrating at the end of the month. The chamPAGnee water will be on me. :D</p>

40

<p>You are right. She is confident, and she states that there is no need to worry over that which we have no control. I don't get it. I think she's just naive and she's going to get burned. But then again, she usually comes out okay.</p>

<p>She has also learned much through perseverance. If it doesn't work out now, she'll be working next year. With that being said, a negative outcome for us will not be the end of the world. I actually think one more year at home would not hurt her a bit. It's just that we visited the school, she attended a class (she loved it!), and I know they could accept her if they wanted to. It's just getting in.</p>

<p>I've tried to learn more about holistic admissions and I believe that will be to her benefit, esp. with homeschooling.</p>

<p>I'm with you though. I've been thinking about what I can do for the admissions staff if she gets in. I've been dreaming of driving there and insisting on shaking each one's hand.</p>

<p>I'm going crazy. Like I said, this is one thing I have no control over.</p>