Just another parent saying, we’ve seen it too, it seems to be a fairly typical dynamic. My own just-graduated senior in high school really narrowed his circle of friends starting around spring of junior year, when the drinking, smoking and sexual encounters started to increase, or at least the chatter about it, if not the actual participation. Around the same time, a number of the high achievers started to be really obnoxious, and he just chose to separate from it all. Now, a year later, he has a small, tight group of friends, some of whom party sometimes but he feels comfortable around them. He admits to being a little nervous about the transition to college, but excited too. Change is hard, especially when contemplating the prospect of some vague future possibility, rather than the specific prospect of starting at X school which the student has visited and chosen over other options.
As you continue on the college search process, visit a number of types of schools (including LACs – perhaps Bryn Mawr, with its cooperation with Haverford?), so that she starts to envision what her life would be like in various environments. A summer check-in with therapist sounds ideal. Good luck, and hang in there.
I second the idea of looking at Bryn Mawr/Haverford. But mostly I agree with the others that this is normal. Kids really start to define themselves in high school and they also make different choices – and at different times – about how to spend their free time than their friends do. There’s a lot of shuffling of social circles that goes on during these times. Some of it is that people just grow apart as their interests develop and intensify. Some is that kids stay away from risky behavior. All of this can involve some grieving for old friendships. And knowing that this all going to start again with a different group of people next year is a little anxiety-provoking for anyone. Add to that the constant talk about college, how to choose, the stress of the process – yikes!
I like the idea of a summer check-in with the therapist and perhaps some regular contact throughout next year. If it would help your daughter to visit several of the schools she’s considering, you could help out that way. It could also help her to work out ways to avoid situations that are uncomfortable in a way that makes her feel empowered. I think many of us tell out kids in high school that they are welcome to use parents as an excuse – we’re happy to respond to a text with a code word with a call to say they need to come home for some reason or we’re happy to “forbid” them to go somewhere they don’t want to go. But as they get older, the parental excuse becomes weak, and they need to know that they have a way of asserting their choices in a way that doesn’t seem weak or wussy.
She’ll snap out of it. Sounds like a great kid. Not sure she needs a year on a Ranch. Be patient . . . I suspect she will love being a senior by mid October.