<p>Hello everybody. After trying to figure out for a while what I wanted to write about, I feel like I have finally gotten inspiration for my essay. However, my topic feels too controversial and am unsure as too whether I can make it effective or not. In choosing common app's 3rd topic, (Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.) I am thinking about writing about the tragic events that happened in Newton, Connecticut. Although the events are indeed unforgivable, amidst the political and cultural debates, I want to evaluate the murderer, Adam Lanza, as victim as well. This would only be a short segment and I would use solely to analyze our country's failure in providing enough options in trying to help those that are mentally disabled. Our health care system is broken and is not providing the sufficient funds to those who need it the most. In essence, this would all relate the whole reason why I would want to go to college; to gain the necessary knowledge and resources to help those who can't help themselves. As a hopeful psychology major, I would state my passion for understanding people and trying to make a difference in other's live. </p>
<p>My question is, is this an effective way of structuring my essay, or should I focus on something else? Any criticism is very much appreciated!</p>
<p>Hi, I’m sure that would be an amazing essay but not necessarily the best for college apps. 1)People have probably heard that argument before 2)They might be tired of hearing about it and 3) There might be tons of essays on that subject.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I love how you are connecting it to your personal life. Good luck!</p>
<p>thank you very much for the response! I know I’m making it seem like that’s going to be the main focus of the essay, but this topic will merely be a segway into describing my dreams and aspirations, in addition to the qualities I possess to carry out these ambitions. In retrospect, the essay will be less about debate or controversy and more on highlighting some of my key characteristics that stand out. It sounds unstructured (because it is), so any further help on making this better would be highly appreciated!</p>
<p>Agree with Reeses about yours being an argument that people may have heard before… That said, depending on how compelling the essay is, it could win you major points.</p>
<p>You are assuming that he did not have access to (or did not avail himself of) any mental health treatment. I would not make any assumptions like that.</p>
<p>One of my friends is a top notch college admission consultant. One advice that he kept telling his students is that the essays are the last chances that you can tell the admission committee who you are and what you have accomplished. </p>
<p>Most kids (and adults, in that matter) love to vent about the problem of the world and how things should change. Great, that is a great opinion. Now, tell us what you have DONE about that. If you are writing an essay complaining about the injustice of the mentally disabled, you really need to demonstrate what you have DONE or at least what you are committed to do (with your degree, I assume) to right that injustice. Otherwise, the essay will be more or less your personal vent on the many social injustices that we face everyday. It will not impress the college admissions.</p>
<p>Thanks everybody, I’m loving the feedback! Everyone’s impressions are pretty much what I was expecting. Indeed I want to be able to mention how I desire to help others as well as later emphasize ways that I’ve shown the necessary characteristics to do exactly that. Although I’d mention many of my leadership positions (Class President, Cross Country Captain, Quiz Bowl Captain, etc.,), the main focus would be how I’ve acquired hard work in having to work 24 (and soon to be 32) hour work weeks to help pay for the apartment and expenses my single mother cannot afford. It seems as If I should emphasize more on these qualities rather than provide a critique in society, especially considering I only have 500 words. Thank again, I’m slowly narrowing down the structure of my essay.</p>
<p>I think it might be too politically tinged for a college essay- it’s more of a topic for a debate. It really only shows that you pay attention to the news and have opinions.</p>
<p>There is no need to include in your essay a reiteration of the ecs that are listed elsewhere in your application. Leave out mention of your leadership positions if all you are doing is using them as examples of your use of leadership skills. Giving insight into what makes you tick is more important than providing a prose version of your resume. You are right that the essay is quite short. It should provide details about you in connection with a focused topic. Start by fully describing a single experience you have had and see how far that takes you.</p>
<p>If the topic is:
Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.
I don’t think it’s too political at all.</p>
<p>Yes, I am sure it won’t be the only essay they see that touches on Newtown, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be a good essay. And certainly any essays written before 2 weeks ago wouldn’t mention Newtown!</p>
<p>If you take it in the right direction, I believe it will go well. I did the same thing with my supplement for Villanova. The prompt was, “what sets your heart?” </p>
<p>I used exploration as the answer to the question. I described how I sat in class listening to my music on my phone & I began to internally question myself. I also connected this with Villanova views on education & life in general. How I was able to tie it all together may be one of the reasons why my essay was fantastic. </p>
<p>I applied EA & got accepted. Good luck. It could really go either way with what you’re trying to portray. I do believe it will work out for the better.</p>
<p>I haven’t read the other responses (sorry, a little lazy). I think it has potential and that sounds cliche but let me explain :). I’m worried that it might come off as too critical or social commentary. I think you can refer to it and mention it in your essay but it should only take up a sentence or two. I think figuring out the general detail in the Newton event that makes you interested and so worked up will be a better angle. </p>
<p>I also don’t think you should list your ECs as examples, it should come naturally. I suggest finding a quiet space and doing a free write/type for 10mins and then re-reading it and seeing if you like it. Hope you figure it out in time!</p>