<p>A lot of colleges ask for either the "tell us something about yourself" essay or the "what will you contribute to the diversity of the school" essay.</p>
<p>Anyway, about a week ago I made an essay (already edited and everything so it's complete) comparing myself to California based on what I learned from a comm. college class.</p>
<p>The question is: Would it be appropriate to send an essay basically glorifying California (and indirectly myself) to colleges OUTSIDE of California? Or would this seem sort of pretentious and insulting?</p>
<p>The essay doesn't bring down any other state, it just shows how I came to understand California and how I represent it (hence the contribution to diversity)</p>
<p>Thanks for your help.</p>
<p>I'm not really sure I understand you essay or question, I guess it depends on how well the essay is written and its overall tone. I don't think that talking about how much you love your state would offend people from other states as long as you are tactful; however, I would worry that schools may then assume that your first choice school is in CA, which could make them less likely to accept you. To combat this problem, for schools outside CA you could add a part talking about how much you'd love to experience other states and learn their unique qualities.</p>
<p>I am a little worried on what your essay is actually about and how well it would answer the question. If you and others agree that your essay is well written and reasonably meaningful, though, then it's probably fine.</p>
<p>Also, remember that CA is one of the most represented states, so being from CA is in no way unique and will not add diversity to the campus.</p>
<p>I think there's one part I might have left out: In terms of California and how it connects to me, I used some different locations to represent qualities (napa valley: peaceful yet hardworking, silicon valley: curious, interested) etc, and I basically said how no matter where I go, I will still present these qualities.....I sort of agree with you in that it doesn't really contribute to the diversity, but I added a part about deciding between cultures (I'm an Indian (south-asian) who was born in America, and I find my culture through California) I know it sounds sappy here haha, but it works pretty well.</p>
<p>With that in mind (that the essay says that I will BRING California's qualities wherever I go, btw I might add that part about wanting to learn other qualities from other state) do you think it would be fine to use?</p>
<p>Once again, thanks for the feedback.</p>
<p>it sounds great but i would watch out because i think i read some short prose on a very similar topic it was a comparison between youth and age mexico and ca. parents child etc. make sure they dont sound too much alike</p>
<p>If it's well-written and well-presented, I think you'll be fine!</p>