I’ve been thinking about your situation. Here are a couple of possibilities to consider in terms of how to deal with the passive-aggressive Mean Girl behavior & comments:
Option #1:
One of the Mean Girls asks you a question. But when she asks the question, your Spidey Sense tells you, “What the heck did she just say?” and you suspect that she’s not asking just to be nice and it’s not innocent…it’s intended to be a Mean Girl sort of question…you just repeat the question back to her. I’ve done this sort of thing before with people who are super passive-aggressive and it does work. Here’s an example:
Mean Girl (MG): So…another PACKAGE?
You: Another package?
MG: Yeah. You got ANOTHER package?
You: I got ANOTHER package? Well, that does appear to be what this is! Gotta run to class! See you later! Have a good one! (but you say all of this in a tone of voice that totally ignores the obviously passive-aggressive Mean Girl stuff that she is trying to pull. Trust me…it sets people like this off balance when you don’t take their bait.)
Option #2:
This is a variation on Option #1. You’d use it when Mean Girl(s) turn the conversation to more abrasive, obviously more hurtful passive-aggressive comments. You asked a question earlier in this thread…you were wondering when is the right time to bring up with them the stuff they’ve said/done that’s been hurtful to you.
When is the right time? Right when it happens. I had to learn this lesson the hard way myself. Here’s an example:
MG: So…another PACKAGE?
You: Another package?
MG: Yeah. You got ANOTHER package? How’s that SHOPPING addiction going for you?
You: A shopping addiction? What do you mean?
MG: Oh you know… (laughs sarcastically)
You: I don’t know what you mean. You seem to be implying that I have some sort of problem. What exactly would that problem be in your opinion?
MG: Oh get real, everybody knows you shop all the time. Hahaha! (laughs sarcastically again)
You: I don’t know what your problem is. For the record, not all of this stuff getting sent to me is stuff purchased online. Some of it are care packages sent by my parents. But it’s not like any of that is really any of your business. It’s pretty sad that you are so wrapped up in the comings and goings of my mail that you are obsessed with what’s inside every box. You know what? I feel sorry for you. Maybe you should consider joining a club or something. Get out and have some fun instead of waiting to see what came in the mail for me.
You: And you know what else? I know exactly what you guys do when I leave the room. You mock me and make fun of me. Go ahead. I don’t care. You are one of thousands of other students here at NYU and you are one of millions of people in New York City. You don’t matter any more than I do. You need to get a life and grow up. We’re not in 7th grade anymore. Get a grip.
…so what you basically do is call her on it. Label her behavior and her games to her face. Call her passive-aggressive. You think she’s being rude and mean? TELL HER! Don’t wait. Queen Bees and Mean Girls pretty much count on the Target to be quiet and slunk off to be miserable in a corner.
Then once you’ve called her on it, count on the Mean Girl antics ramping up a bit. More laughing. More mocking. Call her on it every single time it happens.
When your high school friend/roommate goes along with their antics? You should call her on it, too. Public shaming in front of all of the Mean Girls. Don’t be aggressive. Just be assertive about it. Practice by yourself out loud in a private bathroom if you have to.
Then you just carry on with your day and your life and don’t let those fools get you down. They pick on people because they are insecure. About this time next year, all of this year’s nonsense will probably be something that you’ll laugh at. You’ll laugh at how immature and stupid those girls were being toward you.
So you’re not in their tribe. That’s fine. They aren’t the sort of people you’d want in your tribe anyway. You will find your tribe at NYU. It’s just going to take some time. Hang in there. You have a good head on your shoulders and you’re doing great.