Rommmate problem?

Colleges and Universities A-Z University of Alabama
1

<p>Hi.</p>

<p>So before I moved into the dorm, I had an empty rooom because my ex roommate to FSU.</p>

<p>Then I met a guy in facebook and he asked me if I wanna room with him and I said yes. And the roommate request was successful. We had several talks in facebook, and I thought it would be very nice to have a cheerful person as a roommate. We were really excited to meet each other, and he even told me to watch the movie together(which we did)
But when I moved in yesterday, I realized that he wasn’t who I expected he would be. He IS a nice person, but when I tried to make a conversation he didn’t necessarily look interested or so…now its 2nd day with him and I feel really awkward. we didn’t even talk except greetings. I wanna be a friend with him, but I dont know how to approach…the awkwardness I feel is worse because I imagined a fun experience. I also am afraid that he was disappointed because I wasn’t a person he expected to be.</p>

<p>Did anyone else have this kind of experience? Please help me </p>

2

<p>While it can be great to be best friends with ones roommates, the fact of the matter is that a lot of people aren’t best friends with their roommates and that’s okay. Go and make friends with other people. If you and your roommate want to do the same thing together or as part of a group, that’s great. If not, that’s okay as well. What’s important is that both of you feel reasonably comfortable in your living situation and can talk with each other should any problems arise.</p>

3

<p>I just want to encourage you to give your roommate time to get acclimated. You have been in your dorm for less than two days. Consider the fact that this experience is a time full of emotion for most students, as they get moved in and get adjusted and college life becomes real. I don’t know if your conversations with your roommate were limited to Facebook (I hope you both actually got on a phone and spoke to each other - Facebook is not the way to get to know people.) But even if you did not speak by phone, just because your roommate may not be too talkative at this time, give him time, and give yourself time to adjust. Making friends - real friends - takes time - it is not an instant experience like the one Facebook promises. In the real world, face to face, things can be awkward - but that is ok. Things will get less awkward.</p>

<p>Right now, keep up with all of the greetings and what small talk you can, and then start looking around for things to do. If you hear of some fun things going on on campus, then invite your roommate, but be prepared to go yourself. </p>

<p>My son got moved in Thursday, and did not even really see any of his roommates until today, and everyone was coming in and out, getting moved in, being helped by parents. Once he was moved in, he has been out with us for much of the time, because we are about to leave him in Alabama as we head back home, and so he won’t really spend much time with his roommates until we are gone.</p>

<p>That said, he is going to spend much of his day Saturday on campus as we pack in our hotel. My son plans to head to Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts for breakfast. Some of the dining halls are supposed to open for lunch. He will be there. He is also checking out the rec center. At orientation, he played a ton of basketball, and he is hoping to do that, too. Next week he will be involved in a community service project.</p>

<p>You don’t want to become dependent upon your roommate anyway, even if you two end up becoming close friends. You want to get started getting to know others, and the sooner you start to do that, the better.</p>

<p>Don’t worry about this initial awkwardness - it is normal, it is part of real life, it is how people really are (as opposed to social media), and it will all work out. </p>

4

<p>It can actually work out well to just have a cordial relationship with a roomie. </p>

<p>Are you doing Alabama Action or Outdoor Action? Did you move in early because of Orientation? When is your Bama Bound? </p>

<p>be sure to attend as many WOW activities that you can…you’ll meet lots of new students there. See what the Honors College has scheduled.</p>

5

<p>Moved in early because of the flight time on next week overlapps with orientatino time. BB is next week thursday.</p>

6

<p>Paul, as someone who has read a lot of your posts, I have a feeling you are probably coming on way too strong. Back off a some, do some things on your own and let your new RM havea a little breathing space. It will all be ok.</p>

7

<p>^^
If that is what happened, then the roommate is probably backing off a bit to make sure that he isnt expected to spend 24/7 hanging out with the same person. </p>

<p>I agree. Back off a bit. Do some things on your own. </p>

8

<p>hmm I didn’t do anything…</p>

9

<p>hmmm…</p>

<p>I know why you moved in so early…why did he? </p>

<p>Just give it some time. Maybe he is homesick and is having some adjustment issues.</p>

10

<p>Paul: Remember, he is just a roommate, he is not meant to be your best friend. If that happens over time, then great if not, so what. As long as he is respectful of your things and you are respectful of his things, you should be able to get along fine. A quiet, non-intrusive roommate can be a blessing in the long run. No demands on your time, and plenty of quiet for studying. Go join some clubs (during Get On Board Day) and you will find friends who share your interests.</p>

11

<p>Thanks for the advice ":slight_smile:
OH he is a marching band</p>

12

<p>^^^</p>

<p>Oh, so if he has been practicing in the hot sun, no wonder he is not so friendly while in the dorm. He may feel “spent” by that time…or dreading the next bout in the sun.</p>

13

<p>My son is also in the band. The days are long 8am to 10 pm and hot. At this point all students are in the auditioning phase. He may be nervous or stressed about earning a spot. I think they find out tomorrow or Tuesday if they have a spot.</p>

<p>My son also has to audition again and he is a senior. It’s a really tough stretch of days before they announce who made the cut.</p>

<p>Paul, since you are a musician yourself, you should walk over to Butler field and watch. As the week moves along, it’s gets pretty interesting. </p>

14

<p>^^^
Good idea!</p>

15

<p>@paul2752, I hope this doesn’t come off too strong, but I’m concerned that you have posted a lot of personal information about yourself here and on the FB page. You need to be careful not to disclose too much detail about your private life in such a public forum or to violate your roommate’s privacy by posting about him. Please remember that, while most folks here want to offer help and advice, they are STRANGERS to you unless you’ve communicated with them privately and they’ve disclosed their personal, verifiable information to you.</p>

<p>The other posters here have offered you some excellent advice. Try to relax a little and make some friends on campus now or, if you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious, make an appointment with one of the counselors in SHC.</p>

<p>You’ve moved across country on your own, and it has to be stressful; there’s no shame in looking for support and encouragement–just look for it in the appropriate places. A PUBLIC forum, or a brand new roommate, are NOT appropriate outlets IMHO.</p>

16

<p>???
What are you talking about?
I am not too oblivious to know that telling him my whole life story right after we jusy met is not only weird but also makes me look like a light person(which i nevrr did). Or asking him bunch of his life detail would be strange as well. I do admit i wrote too much about me in cc but when i actually meet someone i never talk about stressful stuff i go through because its not gonna help me anyway. I know the line that i should not go over when i meet a new person.
However thanks for your advice about making friends outside. Maybe i m being too nervous.
@mom2collegekids‌ and @LucieTheLakie‌ thank you.</p>

17

<p>@LucieTheLake is cautioning you against revealing too much information on a public forum, and to relax and look for support in the right places. It’s good advice.</p>

18

<p>OP you are not the only anxious new student. Think about doing the best with ‘protecting’ the roomie situation; good to be friendly but room-mate has thoughts/worries etc too. </p>

<p>The marching band thing is pretty intense - my student called after finishing Sunday evening at 10;30 p.m. - has marching scholarship but they are still ‘trying out’ and final participant lists have not been announced yet.</p>

<p>There are other students that have moved in early too because that is when they had move in slots open. Some kids are there to do AA/OA or frat/sorority. </p>

<p>Look on the schedule builder before going to BB and plan some schedule alternatives. If rec center is open, hang out there. Enjoy your free time on campus. Have a great year.</p>

19

<p>

Not an option prior to Bama Bound, sadly. :frowning: But that still leaves the entire campus (plus adjoining neighborhoods) to explore. Perhaps also not a bad time to schedule an appointment with an engineering or premed advisor, if they’re willing to meet with a student prior to Bama Bound. There are also WOW activities all week long - [take</a> a look!](<a href=“Weeks of Welcome - University Programs”>http://wow.ua.edu/)</p>

20

<p><a href=“Ow.ly - Tied with the Tide (Handout) (1).pdf uploaded by @UAwhatsUP (University Programs)”>http://ow.ly/d/2pic&lt;/a&gt;
Here is a link to this week’s schedule.</p>

<p>There has been conversation on other boards (not UA specific) about some students being introverts and needing space. This may be applicable to your roommate. If he has been around people all day with his marching band, he may just want to come back to the room and unwind without feeling the need to carry on a conversation. Just let him know you’re there if he wants to do something, otherwise venture out on your own and meet others in common areas. Good luck!</p>