My room mates mother has messaged me on facebook about my act of having my boyfriend sleep over and having male guests. She insist that my boyfriend has trespassed and that I don’t give them privacy. There was one incident where my and my boyfriend were in the room and were in a middle of an argument, but it only happened one time and she’s holding it against me. My room mates hasn’t said anything to me and only her mom has contacted me. She has insulted me and offended me over these messages and has threatened to file a report to the school if I don’t change my ways. Does she have a right to do this? Her daughter is 20 years old… shouldn’t she be the one to report if it is necessary? Also, is this harrassment when she comments on my personality and how I have handled things? I feel like she is being an overbearing parent and she has no right to file a report against me in response to her daughter.
Block the mom’s texts and calls. Talk to your roommate, but try to do it calmly. Did you make any kind of agreement at the beginning of the year on having others over? If not, discuss it now. Are you rooming together after the end of this school year? If not, I wouldn’t blow it up into a big deal.
Now… I will say that I think any roommate in a double has the right to say they are uncomfortable with overnights of guests of the opposite sex (or even just a lot of friends sleeping over). Go get a hotel room if you want to have sleepovers.
She never told me anything about it so I kept on doing it. When her mom messaged me, I stopped bringing my boyfriend over. Whenever he does sleep over, I make sure that my room mates aren’t home. Is that wrong to do? Her mother complained of not giving her privacy, but how am I violating that if she isn’t there? I mean it is still my room and we are not getting in their way since they aren’t there and I have full control of my room. We never sleep in the room or hang out in the room if one of them is there, which is usually the case because she never leaves and so we go to the living room. And when one of my two room mates are there, I ask her if it is okay if my guy friends sleepover and she is okay with it. I’ve only had two male guy friends hang out in the room. I’ve tried to compromise with her, but even then that isn’t enough. She gets offensive when I try to ask her for her schedule on when she is coming home and stuff life that and she doesn’t answer my question.
It sounds like you did the right thing once it was brought to your attention. Don’t worry about the mom “reporting” you – schools will generally brush off that kind of thing even if she does. They want students to advocate for themselves. And if your roommate went to your RA, the RA would probably say, “Have you talked to your roommate yet?”. Literally – you can block someone’s texts and calls. Do it with the mom, and don’t worry about it. And I hope you have a new roommate for next fall.