<p>I’ve been wondering whether I should share this - hoping it can help the OP.
I am friends with two couples who were high school sweethearts. Both got married after they got jobs after graduating college, and they did not live together prior to marriage. Both couples are still happily married with families (they are in their forties now).
I think what is common about these couples is that they allowed themselves to be best friends, to grow up together without rushing into sutuations they were not yet emotionally mature enough to handle.</p>
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<p>My adorable husband and I have been married for nearly a quarter of a century and we have never gone to bed angry. It takes maturity and committment to be able to show you love your partner even when you disagree. And it generates a deep feeling of security and trust, which does a great deal to strengthen the relationship. You’re better off going to bed committed to problem solve together after sleeping on it (and determined to find a resolution that both partners can comfortably live with) than going to bed angry. What on earth can you possibly be disagreeing about that makes you feel like you can’t even sleep in the same bed with him? And what kind of man lets a woman (especially one he loves) sleep on the floor? </p>
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I think one reason some of us who are oldsters are warning you is that the above is kind of idealistic. Your boyfriend may be your best friend, but there’s a really good chance that if he stops being your boyfriend, he won’t be your best friend any longer either. You may think this is unlikely, but sadly, many of us have seen it lots of times.</p>
<p>As far as going to bed angry, I like what Phyllis Diller said: “Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight.”</p>
<p>@jpm50 I don’t think her being jealous about him going to parties is an issue from living together. that is an issue anybody would have being in a regular relationship while in college</p>
<p>@austinmshauri I don’t think her accidentally getting pregnant is an issue here of them living together because that can happen even if they don’t live together so it is unrelated to her question. also about me sleeping on the floor we are only still young and new to a relationship so we don’t know the best ways to deal with anger that someone who is married and has bee for a while would. my boyfriend doesn’t know I leave the bed when he falls asleep. we love each other as in we care about each other but we are not in love and do not plan on getting married.</p>
<p>Lillz- i see where your coming from, the opinons on here are aperciated but everyone has their own and honeslty we are around the same age group so i get where you are coming from.</p>
<p>Did living together affect your relationship? Did you enjoy it? </p>
<p>And to everyone i no u think im to young to be in love, am im not saying this is the guy im going to marry because i cant see the future. But im fully commited and love him and hope we spend the future together. And when i said 21 he will be at that time sorry if it was worded incorrectly. Also i see there could be issues with the situations but the ones presented aren’t relating to me. We would get jelous regardless and dont party often we are both focused on work and school. Also pregnant? That could happen anytime and anywhere , we are safe and always very careful. </p>
<p>Not sure the decision ill make il see how this year goes with being in seperate places, in sure ill spend time there alot over at his place and hopefuly that wil help make my descision.</p>
<p>Also im not naive like people may think. Are relationship has been through so much. I want to move in together at some point before to make sure this is the guy i want to be with forever( i come from a family of a horrible divorce and never want to to through that) even if i have to break the social norma by living with a guy before marriage its worth it before having a family and breaking up.In a year from now il be just as ready as i wll be in 2 years from now. </p>
<p>And ethier way i have a lot to learn</p>
<p>One thing I would consider is how much the “relationship” changes the dynamic when dealing with things like money and cleaning and chores. With roommates “who will do the laundry” isn’t an issue. Whether he “always” forgets to do dishes isn’t a comment on how much he loves you. If you spend money on new shoes or eating out or he stays out later than expected partying with the guys doesn’t become relationship fodder the way it is when you live together. </p>
<p>Trust me…this is true whether you are 20 or 40.</p>
<p>This is such a premature question. You haven’t even started your freshman year! You can plan and get advice all you want but really, this is something to put on the back burner until next spring. You’ll have a much better idea whether or not this is a good idea - right now, who knows?</p>
<p>This fall, go to college intent on making new friends, taking classes, exploring new ideas and just having new experiences with and without the boyfriend. If you fixate on this roommate possibility, you’ll miss out.</p>
<p>living together has affected our relationship but in a good way that we learn how to live together and deal with issues we would need to learn how to deal with eventually. we learned a lot about each other and how to deal with our different living styles. we both have faults and has only helped our relationship and ive enjoyed the experience. </p>
<p>I don’t see any upside to this. If you’re only doing it to see if you can live together “without wasting your college years” (I’m paraphrasing) I think that is a very bad reason. </p>
<p>Do your parents have an opinion? I would bet many parents would prefer their student not even follow a SO to college. </p>
<p>If the relationship is meant to be, it will last thru separation. I know many people who married their HS sweethearts after four years apart. </p>
<p>If you’re as ready as you’ll be one year from now as you will in two years, why don’t you consider taking that year and experiencing something you can’t the next? </p>
<p>Don’t rush things. </p>
<p>In the past year, I have seen three of my friends’ serious, long-term, planning-to-get-married college relationships fall apart. Don’t put more pressure than necessary. Don’t do it.</p>
<p>I fell like this thread should be “a must” for all freshman and HS seniors entertaining these ideas - male or female, they need to know these things.</p>
<p>Since this thread has become quieter, may I piggyback a somewhat related question here?</p>
<p>If a girl decides to inform her parents of her BF, does it mean that she is more serious/committed in this relationship? How soon do you likely tell your parents about your significant other? e.g., 3 months into a new relationship? (I am not referring to “rooming with your BF/GF” here. Just officially tell your parents about your relation with him/her.)</p>
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<p>I guess? It completely depends on the person’s relationship with their parents. If they never talk, then it makes sense that the parents don’t know about the relationship. If they regularly talk, then it wouldn’t make much sense to keep a relationship hidden. My parents found out about my SO about a week into the relationship when they asked what I was doing and I answered I was driving to a date.</p>
<p>mcat…:)</p>
<p>Why did you choose this college? Because BF was going there?</p>
<p>This is a time for you to learn about yourself and to learn independence. Living with someone and somewhat being attached to his life won’t allow you to expand your own horizons. You should take this time to live in a dorm. You may realize he is as awesome as you thought. You may realize that he is not so awesome. But if this is meant to be, then living in different places will make you stronger. </p>
<p>Let’s say he wants to go to grad school and you are still in college. Will he plan his life around you? Should he? I would say that he shouldn’t because he should finish his education the best way for him. And you should finish yours the best way for you.</p>
<p>Once two people are married )not suggesting this until much later after you graduate), then they should be making decisions with the other person in mind.</p>
<p>Also I am wondering if you are asking this because you dont’ want to let him get away. Going to his school and living with him may be a way, in your mind, to make sure you hang on to him. That is not healthy.</p>
<p>The other thing to keep in mind when listening to advice is that right now you are as mature as you have ever been in your life. You think “I was so immature as a freshman in high school and now look at me!” Where the adults here remember how immature they were as college freshman and how much more maturing there is to go.</p>