Roommate Advice

Hey All!

So I just moved in to my dorm about 3 weeks ago and I already have a problem with my roommate. She’s a really nice person and I like her but shes really loud and talks on the phone late at night (like 2-3am) while I’m trying to sleep. I have spoken to her about it and she said she wont do it anymore. Then last Friday, she did it again. She was on the phone until 2 am and I had to ask her if she was gonna be done soon.
I explained to her that I am a very light sleeper so I hear everything and every sound will wake me up. Also she tends to stay up at night and do other stuff that wakes me up such as: turning on her lamp for no reason (light shines on my side of the room) and last night she was doing homework at 1am shuffling all her papers and making a huge noise! I didn’t go to bed until 3am and I had a 9 am class.

I really want a room change but I dont know if this is a valid reasoning to request one. Plus if I do request it, they’re going to want to do a mediation. I dont want her to feel as though I’m being overly picky but I deserve my sleep!

Can you guys help me out with what I should do? Should I request a room change?

Have you tried earplugs and/or a sleep mask? That would be my next step, and then if those don’t work, ask her again, and if THAT doesn’t work, maybe request a change. My first roommate was like this and it really does affect your mood to not get enough sleep, so I sympathize.

If she’s nice but you two use the space incompatibly, you could ask her to brainstorm solutions with you. Could she agree to quiet and dark after a certain time? Is there a way your bed could be more secluded and less vulnerable to light? If you sleep with earplugs and an eye mask, could you wake up for class in the morning? It may be that you both decide that a room change would be best. Or perhaps there’s a workable compromise. Over the years, I have had wonderful friends who were awful roommates. They are still friends because we were able to admit that we were not made to share a living space.

I agree with @gardenstategal
but if that doesn’t work then definitely get a room change! Sleep is so important, but not to mention you have already confronted her on the subject and still. She could also not realize how light of a sleeper you are, but if her schedule is late night then that is when she can do her thing. Requesting a room change will probably better both of you. Not sure why most colleges don’t have a roommate test, to put more compatible people together. But anyway life isn’t compatible and you don’t always get to choose who you work with.

@bodangles I have tried a sleep mask and it has helped with the light. The only problem I have is the noise. If I sleep with headphones, they’re very uncomfortable and I’ll miss my alarm. It affects my mood for the entire day.

@gardenstategal @dobbleyouteeeff Honestly, Ive sat her down and spoken to her about these things already. Even when were talking over the summer I explained to her that I sleep lightly and I go to my bed at a resonable time. I have spoken to my RD about it to see if I could switch rooms (they make it harder to switch them) and how to deal with the situation. She said I should first speak with my RA and do a mediation so that we can set rules for each other. I just hope when I suggest it to her it doesnt turn sour.

Having it “turn sour” is indeed unpleasant, but not as much as being exhausted all year. Instead of headphones, try ear plugs. They’re actually made for sleeping and are pretty effective at blocking out noise. You will, however, need to figure out how you’ll wake up.

In approaching your roommate about the mediation, you should tell her that you like her and would like to room with her if possible but that you’re concerned that your daily patterns are just too different. I’d ask her if she agrees or not. If you two are on the same page (about incompatibility), it won’t be awkward. What’s important in the discussion is that none of this is framed as right or wrong or inconsiderate, but simply a matter of how both of you need to use your space. If she needs the room to make private phone calls at midnight and you need to sleep at midnight, there’s a conflict. Neither of you is wrong, and if there’s no other reasonable alternative, you will need to live with people who can accommodate your needs. Good luck. Let us know what happens.

Yeah I mean, that’s pretty much all u can do ^
If the mediation doesn’t solve the problem it’s probably because your schedules are opposite. Rules can’t change your schedules, at least not until next semester. And it’s not wise to sludge through this semester on 3 hours of sleep a night. Any who, I heard lack of sleep over long periods of time causes irreversible brain damage.

In the mediation, I’d ask if she can do any homework or talking outside of the room after a certain hour (say after 11 pm maybe?).

@gardenstategal Yeah I’ll try the earplugs and put my phone next to me. I’ll bring it up to her tomorrow and see how it goes and then schedule a time for the mediation with my RA. Thanks so much for the advice! I’ll keep you posted.

@dobbleyouteeeff I do hope the mediation helps but if not I’m going to have to demand a room change. I’ll still stay friends with her but I won’t deprive myself of sleep for her. Thanks for your advice!

@intparent I’ll definitely bring that up in the mediation.

@gardenstategal I plan to talk to her next Monday. She’s going home this weekend. I’ll have more time on how to confront her the right way.

I think any roommate is going to make noises and shuffle papers when they are studying. 1 a.m. is not an unusual hour to be working in college. She should be taking the phone calls out of the room but I think you should take steps to adapt. Try a fan. The white noise should help you tune out other noise. Do you intend to live and sleep alone your whole life?

@OspreyCV22 I get that this is college and that majority of people stay up late at night. I stay up as late as 2am on weekends. The problem I have is that she had the entire day to do it. It was a Sunday and she didnt go anywhere or do anything but started her homework when I decided to go to bed. I have early morning classes so when I go to bed at 12-12:30, I want to be able to get up for my classes rested.

There is a fan in the room and it doesnt help. I have adapted to her. When she’s sleeping and I get up for my early classes, I make sure that I dont make any noise that could wake her up. I do not intend to live by myself my entire life but what I’m saying is that I have compromised alot for her also and this is the only request I have expressed to her.

You might try a white noise machine. Marpac has an excellent one.

@TempeMom I’ll try it tonight and see if it helps. Thanks