<p>Anyone care to give some opinions on my roommate essay? I originally wrote it as a joke and possible submission for my school's lit magazine or Scholastic Writing, but I ended up submitting it for the lulz. I already submitted it so I'm just looking for a little feedback, not page-long revisions :P</p>
<p>Prompt: Pretty much just write a letter to your roommate</p>
<p>Salutations! I am looking forward an exciting year. Are you? Before you answer (although I am sure you will say “yes”), here are some things we should clear up before we have a great time as roommates: </p>
<p>Before I get to the good stuff, I want you to know that you are 100% safe as long as I am your roommate. In order for me to maximize your well-being, I will need to surgically implant a transmitter inside your brain so I can track your movements at all times. This is to allow me to rescue you in case you get into any sticky situations. Do not fear though; as a surgeon, I have a phenomenal survival rate of thirty-three percent, so you are in good hands. </p>
<p>In terms of play, I am very open to compromise. I have several suitcases of movies and games for both of us to enjoy. But to make the most out of them, they must be blasted at full volume at all times. You will love it though, as my surround sound system is the subject of great envy. Plus, I will be able use the room for breakdance practice, and you are welcome to watch. Keep in mind though that any injuries or property damages that occur will warrant swift legal action.</p>
<p>Studying-wise, it is best if we get some time to ourselves to review our coursework. When I study, I will need you to leave the room. I will also need to use your desk to store my books and papers. If you want to study, too, I hear the bathroom and garbage room are excellent places to learn, so you can give those a try. </p>
<p>Lastly, since I believe hygiene is of the utmost importance, I will need your help in conducting my daily cleaning routine of the room three times a day. I usually scrub and dust everything for around four hours, but with your help, we can probably get it down to two and a half. The smell of bleach and lysol is aromatic and invigorating, so that should be a little bonus.</p>
<p>With that said, I am sure we will have a great time together. You will not find any roommate as awesome as me! See you soon ^_^</p>
I think admissions officers should be ROFL by now.</p>
Felt it was entertaining all the way through</p>