<p>I share an apartment with two other gals. One of my roommates is okay but the other has serious emotional issues. She seems to be afraid of every little thing and runs and hides in her room if someone so much as raises their voice. It got to the point where the other girl and I were walking on eggshells around her. She is also messy (leaving dishes in the sink all the time, it could be hours or even the next day when she finally cleans the kitchen after she cooks, she is a slob in the bathroom, etc). When we ask her nicely to clean up her stuff, she does it but then pouts in her room for the next day (sometimes two days). She also has no respect for our privacy. The other girl and I both told her that if our door is closed we are not available for socializing, talking, questions, etc. During finals week, she constantly interrupted our studying. The other roommate discussed this with her last week and naturally she went and hid in her room pouting for the next couple of days. I went away for those couple of days and when I returned I was told that they talked things out. Her story is that her father has always been critical of her and made her feel as if she is not good enough. This has caused severe depression issues (including the fact that she weighs about 300 lbs and continually eats junk food). I am told that she now wants to talk to me about it. I'm sorry if I sound cruel but her excuses don't seem to cut it. I should mention that we are older than the typical college students and we've all lived on our own for awhile before this situation. So, it's not like she just left her parents house. It is the first time she or I have been in a roommate situation. I don't know how to deal with someone like her. I'm sorry that her father wasn't nice but that shouldn't mean that she gets to be an emotional wreck for the rest of her life. I think she needs professional help but I'm just not sure how to respond to her. I'm also not sure how to continue living with someone who feels that for the reasons mentioned she gets to be a slob, disrespect others' privacy, and plays the woe-is-me card. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!! Thanks in advance.</p>
<p>When is your lease up? Living with a passive aggressive slob who has daddy issues has got to be awful. When you talk to her, just explain that she needs to respect your boundaries if you are going to continue living together. What you are asking of her is perfectly reasonable. If she can’t (or won’t) do that, then it’s time to think about moving out. Whatever you do, don’t give in to her sob stories and don’t let the pouting get to you.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, the three of us are stuck in this situation until Aug. 3 :-(. My only possibility is of getting out sooner is I’ve applied for an RA position for summer semester. If I get it, I could move out in about 10 days. I’m beginning to think that may the only solution.
Thanks for your advice!!</p>
<p>In the meantime, be polite, yet firm.</p>
<p>“Go do something else. We need to study/sleep/do our hair/whatever.” When she makes a mess, tell her to clean it up, because it’s not your job.</p>
<p>I hope you get that RA position!</p>
<p>I definitely know what you’re going though. One of my roommates has anger issues and has threaten to kill himself everyday. He says things like, “I have no purpose…”, “Waking up and going through the day is like hell”, “Don’t be surprised if you find me dead one day”. One thing I cannot deal with is people who are emotionally unstable… Just move out or find another place… people with emotional issues don’t change.</p>
<p>I also have some issues with my roommate. I have not said a single word to him since early March and it has been wonderful.</p>
<p>I agree with the other poster that living with someone that is passive aggressive like that is a drag. She is probably depressed and caught in the cycle of eating the pain away, which in turn makes her more depressed. It is sad but it is not your issue, it is hers. </p>
<p>I believe that it is important to be polite, and it sounds like you have done so. To last until your lease is up you are going to have to stick to your rules and remind her as she breaks them. She needs boundaries and you are going to have to enforce them, like you would with a child.</p>
<p>For example,
-if you have your door closed, and she bothers you, ignore her. Unless she wants to tell you that the place is on fire or something.
-when she leaves a mess-tell her as soon as you see it to clean it up, every time.</p>
<p>if she does decide to pout then at least she is out of the way and you don’t have to deal with her for a while. That should be considered an upside to the hiding away. Don’t walk on eggshells just be yourself (don’t be mean) and if she must hide away then so be it.</p>