I am living in a four-bed apartment and all my roommates moved out (graduated or left the college). So “fortunately” I got random roommate this year. I want to try to be as objective as possible. There was a hand-made shoe rack on the doorway before she moved it. On the first day of the moving day, another new roommate who had already lived in here over the summer and we have already met texted me about my shoes rack was gone. and she also told me that after talking to that new girl, she said her grandmother accidentally hit it and move all my shoes and shoerack inside the closet right beside the front door. I believed! then on the day i moved in I moved my shoe rack back to the originally place and saw my shoe rack was like completely tore apart and I have no idea how a elderly women could have such strong impact on it. then at that night, new girl suggested to clean up everything in the kitchen cause she is EXTREMELY clean, wiped the fridge inside out and notified me that other three roommates had reach an agreement that to not leave any shoes in the doorway (without even telling me and no apology or anything). Then i just did. I still have two pair of shoes literally right outside my room cus those are my most frequent shoes that I wear everyday. I also have separate flip-flop for common area. The new girl wanted to move everything out of the common area to make it look neat and nice. I am so annoyed but I did it. keep all my pot, pans inside my own cabinet. Her problems will never end. She keeps moving mine stuff around, for example, if I left my pan on the stove after cleaning, she will move it to sink. if I leave a cup on the counter, she moved to the sink. I just feel that it looks like it is her own place and have right to put ppl’s stuff there and here. Well, it is not big deal, i let it go. then one time, I left my unfinished coffee in the counter and after a few hours, it was in the sink. i texted in the group msg asking to stop touching ppl stuff especially if there is somthing in there and she replied back like she is annoyed seeing all those stuff in the counter and assumed my cup is dirty and put in the sink. and her friend (my another random roommate ofc backed up her). and then they both attacked my shoes right outside my room again, saying that everyone put their shoes in the room and i HAVE that whole closet for my shoe rack and want me to pull them up. I was not going to compromise until that another roommate who lives right beside me say my shoes are stink and need to be put away. Fine I did it. I only left my flip flop outside, then that new girl just throw my flip flop which is right outside my room to the closet every single time when she is back. I really don;t know how to deal with these people, and communication is really useless at this point b/c she is just overbearing. she almost causes me a mental breakdown. Sorry for such long story lol.
I don’t think I really understand the issue. It sounds like your roommates think everyone should keep their shoes in their own rooms and put their dirty dishes in the sink. Neither of those things seem unreasonable.
It’s kind of hard to read your wall of text.
Sounds like you have roommates who want/expect neatness. Not unreasonable IMO either.
Sounds like you got a great roommate who is clean and tidy!
The main issue I had with her is she is really overbearing about everything. Don’t you think it is okay to throw someone’s shoes in front of his or hers own bedroom into the closet without even asking?
highlight the main problem for you "notified me that other three roommates had reach an agreement that to not leave any shoes in the doorway (without even telling me and no apology or anything). I left my unfinished coffee in the counter and after a few hours, it was in the sink. I only left my flip flop outside, then that new girl just throw my flip flop which is right outside my room to the closet every single time when she is back. "
Why can’t you keep your shoes in your bedroom, whether in the closet or somewhere else in the room? It seems like your previous roommates were more like you or just didn’t really mind some things, but obviously that is not the case with your new roommates. If you just forget and leave something out they should be a little more understanding, but I don’t understand the deal with purposefully leaving your shoes outside your bedroom and they obviously don’t either.
Take your coffee mug with the leftover coffee into your room. I wouldn’t want to see other people’s dirty dishes or shoes in the common areas.
Anything in the common space is subject to being moved. All your personal things (shoes) do need to be in your room.
My daughter lived in a 4 person suite. She was the obsessively neat one and it did drive her crazy that the others left stuff all over the apartment - dishes and trash and school stuff and lacrosse equipment and phone chargers and a vacuum cleaner and bags from the store… She spent a lot of time in her room because they were slobs. The fridge was always full of left overs and it did smell.
It’s not just your coffee cup, it’s 4 coffee cups if everyone leaves them on the counter. Your two pairs of shoes and the 3 x 2 pairs of shoes and that’s 8 pairs of shoes in the common area.
D was originally supposed to live in the suite but then had agreed to live with another teammate but the school screwed up housing assignments so she was put back in the original suite. D hadn’t been in on the ‘you bring the rug and you bring the racks for the bathroom and you bring the TV’ so none of the stuff was hers and she didn’t want any of it there anyway! She wanted less stuff in the common area but wasn’t asked. She did have the right to ask them all to keep their stuff picked up and in their own rooms.
Oscar and Felix. You need to get along. Keeping your shoes in your room is a small thing.
Your roommate is living in a mature way - put your shoes away and take care of your dirty dishes. If everyone in your apt. lived that way it would be really nice!
I wonder if what is at the heart of the problem is that you lived there “first” with other people with other rules and as a result, you feel like the place is yours. I can see how it could be difficult to be in the same place with a different set of rules.
It is, however, university housing, so you need to think of it as all four of you being in a new place (as familiar as it feels!) The 4 of you need to agree to the rules you will live with.
It sounds like one of your roommates is very neat and has made the rules. They sound like rules that will work well but it’s important that all 4 of you agree to them. You could ask for a meeting, explain that it feels particularly awkward for you to learn that rules have been made without your having been part of the process and alienating to find you are breaking them, and ask for clarification on what those rules are. If you have any requests (on noise, lights, etc), this is the time to raise those. Emphasize that you want to be a good roommate.
Whatever happens to your things inside your bedroom is up to you, but you will have to do what the group wants in the common spaces. Good luck.
You seem offended that they assumed it was OK to put your personal belongings in your room. Please understand they they felt equally offended that you assumed it is OK to leave personal belongings in the common areas. Neither is 100% right or wrong, but making assumptions without discussing things can lead to problems. Last year you got lucky to have roommates more like you. This year you will have to consider the preferences of people different from you. It’s not a bad idea to learn to be more neat (and more courteous) in a group situation. Be casual in your own room (but don’t leave dirty dishes and food around that will smell and attract insects/rodents).
They don’t care if I forget or not, they will just handle for me which is really annoyed me because i feel very offended that people touch, move around my stuff purposefully if i just temporarily leave there. For shoes, I have a separate shoes for common area and room, so it makes sense to leave that slippery outside the bedroom. it is common area but i just feel i don’t have right to put stuff there and here.
If you feel offended by people touching your stuff then you’ll just have to keep your stuff IN your room. The common area is a common area for a reason. Your roomates are not responsible for the fact that you have separate shoes for the bedroom and the common area. They find it annoying to see and to step over your shoes. I’m not a big neatnick but I do think a bunch of people’s shoes (and cups) littering a common living area or hallway is unpleasant. You can keep your bedroom shoes and other shoes just inside the doorway of your room instead of just outside the doorway.
And your slippery shoes need to be outside because???
it is for common area
she only does it to aginst me but no other roommate
I don’t understand. Keep your shoes, all of them inside your room. Why would they need to be elsewhere?