So I’ve been in college for about a week and I’ve started to notice that my roommate’s been starting to steal my stuff. I went home for the weekend and when I came back, I noticed that I’m missing a couple of unopened water bottles that I’ve left on my side of the room as well as a couple of snacks. He even went so far as to go under my bed to grab waters in a case that I had under there. I’m usually cool with a lot of things, but people taking my stuff without permission is one of my pet-peeves. I’m not sure what to do really. I mean, on one hand, I feel like I should talk to him about it, but I’m also afraid that he might take it the wrong way and mess with my stuff even more when I’m gone (I plan on going home on the weekends quite often). On the other hand, I could also just deal with it and wait until the end of the year and teach him a lesson, that way he won’t be able to get me back either. (Maybe the old laxative in food trick or the exploding water bottle)? I’m just not sure how to go about this whole thing, and I’m looking for some ideas on what I should do to stop him/teach him a lesson.
Ask him about it now before it gets worse. “Hey, man, I’ve noticed some of my water and snacks is missing…any idea where it went?” If he admits to it, tell him to stop. If he doesn’t admit to it, say something noncommittal like “Well, I hope it doesn’t happen any more. I pay good money for that stuff and I hate it when it disappears.” Then remove your stuff from his reach. Locked drawers, or under the bed at the back…
Source: had thieving roommate who went through my stuff when I was sleeping. Don’t wait to confront.
Right…like @bodangles said, you want to bring it up, but not in an accusing way.
And you want to make it clear you are not up for sharing food.
Like Joey from Friends says: “Joey doesn’t share food!”
“On the other hand, I could also just deal with it and wait until the end of the year and teach him a lesson, that way he won’t be able to get me back either. (Maybe the old laxative in food trick or the exploding water bottle”
That’s pretty passive aggressive of you.
Just talk to him.
Learn to assert yourself and your rights. Approach your roommate and let him know you would not like to share food/water. He should respect your property.
Invest in some sort of locking container and put anything you don’t want touched in there. I agree that you need to talk openly and directly with him.
Tell him “if you’re not going to pay for my bottles, don’t take them. If you need water, just buy your own supply or fill up a bottle at the drinking fountain.”
Thanks for all the tips/advice! However, I think you guys misunderstood me just a bit. I’m fine with sharing my stuff, but, what I’m not okay with is people going through my stuff and taking things without asking me. In my eyes, that’s basically stealing. He purposely waited until I left for the weekend before he did anything, so I assumed that he must know what he’s doing is wrong and is trying to get away with it, thinking I won’t notice that I’m missing a couple of things. I could invest in a “locker” kind of thing like you guys suggested, but I don’t think that would really help with out relationship (I gotta live with this guy for the entire year). What I’m afraid of is if this goes the wrong way, we end up getting on each others bad side and he just messes with my stuff even more when I go home on the weekends just to piss me off. (He’s an OOS, so he’s gonna be in this room pretty much all the time except for when we have extended breaks, whereas I’m planning on going home pretty much every weekend/other week).
But on the other side, like @bodangles said, if I do wait too long, this situation could just become much worse (to the point that he starts taking valuables instead of just a couple of snacks/waters). I am thinking about investing in a hidden motion sensor camera which could watch over my side of the room while I’m gone, but I’m not sure if it’s worth the hassle.
P.S: @doschicos Yeah, I know that’s pretty passive aggressive, but I feel like he honestly would deserve it. It’s not like I’m putting it in his stuff, only mine that I leave there purposely expecting him to go through and take when I’m gone. But I guess talking it out could work too.
More or less harmful than stealing? 
If you’re not willing to get something lockable (which I totally would because that’s the only guaranteed defense) then go the making-it-harder route. I taped up my box of snacks after I used it when I noticed my roommate had been going through it. My water went way back under my bed, where she should have felt less comfortable reaching. Put heavy stuff on top of it, or papers that look precarious. Put stuff in with your clean underwear, or under your laundry hamper. Obstruct and confuse. 
Personally I would just ask him to occasionally replace the water and buy some snacks to replace what he took. I used to be the roommate left alone for the weekend with a package of the roommate’s chocolate covered mints sitting on the shelf calling to me. I replaced what I ate, though.
Freshman year in the dorms is kind of like practice on how to be an adult. What is NOT effective for resolving your problems? NOT saying anything to the person you are upset at, holding a grudge for an entire school year, and then being a bully by putting laxatives in the person’s food or sabotaging their stuff.
If you do that, then you end up basically being just like your roommate…assuming that he or she IS doing this on purpose.
If you want to be treated like an adult, then don’t act like a child. What you are proposing is really dumb and if your roommate were to find out about the food-tained-with-laxatives bit, then he or she COULD file a police report and bring you up on assault charges in a worst case scenario.
So sure, if you want to end up in serious trouble, then go ahead and hold onto the grudge and be mad at your roommate the whole year.
OR…
Do this…
- Have a CALM conversation w/roommate. Like, "Hey, Roommate, I noticed that before I left for the weekend, I had a ton of waters/drinks/snacks of various sorts, and when I got back this evening, there are some missing. I'm totally cool with sharing, but if you could just let me know, I'd really appreciate it. In fact, why don't we pool some snack $$ together and we can just plan on sharing from here on out?"
- If roommate does it again, have another conversation with him or her.
- If roommate strikes out 2 times, this is when you go to the RA for help in remediating the disagreement.
- Let's say that with the RA's help, you & roommate work out a resolution that you both can live with & you both agree to. And after awhile, let's say that roommate goes back to his/her old behavior & just takes without asking and without telling you...essentially, roommate takes your food without your permission. The taking of the food may seem like a small thing, but it's representative of a bigger issue that the roommate may have....that person could be one of those "What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine" people. The roommate could be a huge jerk. OR the roommate could be just TOTALLY clueless about how to live with and get along with other people and he/she may be TOTALLY clueless that his/her actions can have an impact on the people around them. If roommate strikes out a 3rd time, go to the RA again. And THIS is when you get a lockable foot locker sort of thing.
…because by this point, you will have made 4 “good faith” attempts to resolve the disagreement with the person. And you will have done so in an appropriate way, thus giving the person who offended you an opportunity to make things right.
But EVEN IF the roommate continues to take your food, you know what you shouldn’t do? POISON YOUR ROOMMATE WITH LAXATIVES OR DESTROY THEIR STUFF!
He may not view “sharing” food without asking as stealing (I know I know). You may have offered or said “help yourself” to a bottle of water once and he took it to be an open invitation. Even if this isn’t the case, treating it as an honest misunderstanding is the best way to proceed.
Without mentioning past transgressions, you can say “Now that we’ve been here a few weeks and have an idea of how things work, let’s talk about how we’re going to handle sharing our stuff (and whatever other things you’d like to talk about).”
Then lay out how you’d like things to go. Hopefully you end up having a great conversation.
Dude, poisoning your own food/drinks with the intent of having him consume should he steal your things is still like, assault?? Deal with this situation like an adult and talk to him about your expectations.
How about a simple. " I don’t mind sharing my stuff, but if you could ask first that would be great"
I’d put a sign on your stuff that says “Bob, these are not yours. Don’t touch them.” And put a picture of an eye on it.
Several very entertaining studies have been done showing the effectiveness of both the eye (a stand in for someone watching them, which causes their behavior to change to someone who is actually being watched), and the very clear written sign, which makes it impossible for him to use any sort of justification in his head that it might be ok.
This doesn’t work as well when you’re at a company and you don’t really know who’s stealing your yogurt out of the fridge. But “Bob” knows you know it’s him, so it may be effective unless “Bob” is a straight up sociopath.
At the very least, it’s easy to do, and if “Bob” ignores it you can lead with “hey man, can’t you read?” if you have to escalate it.
Not as bad as poisoning stuff, but I still find that a little passive aggressive. Whatever happened to just talking about stuff first??
@doschicos I think putting a sign on something that says hey don’t take my stuff is aggressive-aggressive. It’s very clear what the intent is-no mistaking it.
And taking someone’s stuff is a jerk move. He knew what he was doing-he doesn’t need a nice discussion about it.
If you do the old laxative or exploding water bottle trick, you just may find yourself expelled from school. And, you would deserve it! It is hard to understand how some people think. Geez!
Yeah, it’s a jerk move but why not try face to face first? Living in small quarters with someone, my first approach would to address it in a way that would a) attempt to stop the behavior while b) avoiding escalation. Talking to someone gives the other person the opportunity to say “sorry, won’t do it again”.
Contrary to some others, I wouldn’t start with “i’m missing some water… wonder where it went…” and give him the opportunity to deny it. Be frank, with “Hey, have you been taking my water/snacks?” It works best when you don’t sound angry. They will almost definitely own up to it, and then just say something like “It’s not a huge deal if you ask me, but please don’t just take things.” Again, not angry, but maybe a little frustrated. Assuming they’re not crazy, that should make them feel bad enough to stop. In the odd case they’d deny it, just say “Look man, I went away and my stuff was gone. If it’s not you, it’s people you’re letting in the room, and I’m not okay with that either. Like I said, I don’t usually mind sharing, but it’s not fun to come back to the room to find things missing”
Also, I feel like you’d save a lot of money investing in a nice water bottle rather than keeping cases of plastic ones under your bed.