“Also, I feel like you’d save a lot of money investing in a nice water bottle rather than keeping cases of plastic ones under your bed.”
Yes, and more eco-conscious!
I like the idea that another poster suggested…don’t buy bottled water anymore. Use one of those Brita water bottles. Or buy a larger Brita (or similar) water filter & fill your water bottle with that. Reduces all of that plastic that would have to be recycled and it’ll cost less.
AND it totally eliminates the whole “Dude, you stole my water” argument, thus leaving you with only the “Dude, you ate my snacks” argument.
If you have to, hide your snacks in your closet/dresser drawers instead and see what happens.
What your first reaction to somebody like your roommate should be is to ASSUME that perhaps there is a logical reason for his actions and that it is VERY possible that his eating your food/drinking your water might NOT be a personal affront to you meant to purposely anger or upset you. Since you DO have to live with this person through the rest of the school year, it benefits both of you for you to find an agreeable solution to the dilemma. At this point, though, the roommate might not have ANY idea how much his actions have upset you.
Look at the situation from another point of view. What if there was a situation in which YOU were the one ticking off your roommate and he was seething in anger about it, talking about it behind your back to everybody else, and your roommate never gave you the respect to discuss it with you personally? How would you feel if you were never even given an opportunity to make amends and make things right?
You’d probably be pretty angry and defensive.
Treat others how you want to be treated. EVEN if you think they don’t deserve it.
But if you’re going to mess with his stuff and essentially poison him, then you are just as much of a problem as your roommate is. Don’t act like a 7 year old.
First, get a water bottle. No need to add all that plastic to a landfill. And then, take a deep breath and have a conversation. It is possible that your roommate does not have a means of leaving the campus and procuring his own snacks. As I type this, I have a sad image of him, alone in the room on the weekend, with nowhere to go and no one to go with, subsisting on your food. If there are a lot of students like you who go home for the weekend, it may actually be lousy to be stuck on campus for the weekend, and maybe he’s feeling uncomfortable about venturing out.
So start, perhaps, by asking about his weekend. And then you can note that some things are missing and see if he wants you to pick up something for him the next time you’re gone. (Of course, he’ll pay.) If you get along, maybe invite him home or at least, when you have a car, to the supermarket. (DS went to boarding school, and whenever a parent came to visit, one of the favorite excursions was to the supermarket, where purchases could be made in quantities that were more than a backpack would hold!)
I’d tell him WHY you buy things – and my guess is that it’s both cost and convenience – which is why it’s a problem if he takes your stuff. @stircrazydad hits on a key thing – there is nothing worse than having someone take the last of your things as that is a HUGE inconvenience to you. You’re headed home, anticipating that granola bar, and it’s gone. Seems crazy that something would lead to such fury, but it can!
I suspect he knows he shouldn’t be taking your stuff, but maybe he doesn’t. I recall roommates who would borrow my clothes without asking, which seemed to be the custom in their homes. I, on the other hand, was not brought up this way and basically felt so disrespected when a roommate helped herself to my wardrobe without asking. (BTW, I wouldn’t have said no, which demonstrates that this isn’t always so rational!)
@tucsonmom is right – you need to handle this the way you’d want it handled if you were in his shoes. Start by giving him the benefit of the doubt. I understand where you’re coming from and your (terrible!) idea about punishing him shows that you feel violated, but see if you can talk it through. If you continue to have problems, you may need to keep him from being tempted by hiding/locking your things, but if you can NOT get to that point, it’d be more comfortable for both of you. But you need to address it, and doing so directly and without judgement is your best bet.
Hey guys, so quick update on the situation. I talked it out with the guy, and he completely denied that he took the stuff (he’s still taking waters when I leave the room to eat as of right now). I’m now 100% sure that it’s him because I had marked all of mine with a couple of very specific lines and on the label. He even had the audacity to drink them right in front of me and say that he “bought” them. (For now, I’m keeping the fact that I’ve been marking my stuff under wraps). I thought I had cooled down a bit, but now he’s gotten me even more ****ed off than before. I guess what some of you are saying about getting a refillable water bottle could be a possible solution. (That and getting a locker).
For now, I’m trying to stay away from doing anything too passive aggressive since like I said, I will be going home on the weekends, and that means that he would have free reign of the room and be able to mess with all my things while I’m not there just out of spite if I push his buttons too much.
However, I did have a chat with an upperclassman friend of mine (who happens to be an RA for another dorm on campus), and he did tell me that apparently my school has a no tolerance policy on theft (no matter how big or small). And since my roommate broke the student conduct/housing contract, if I can get proof that he’s been stealing my stuff, he could help me bring it up to the residence association and potentially get him kicked off of all housing on campus for the semester. So basically, he gets kicked out of the room, and since he’s an OOS, that would screw him over even more. On top of that, it would put him on housing probation and give him a much harder time of ever getting back into a dorm room. But to do this, I feel like I probably would have to get that hidden camera I was talking about to catch him, which still seems like quite a bit of a hassle.
As of now, I’m not sure what my next move should be since the whole “talking it out” thing just went out the window.
P.S: Alright, I hear you guys, I guess the laxative thing might be going too far, even for a thief like him.
“But to do this, I felt like I probably would have to get that hidden camera I was talking about to catch him.”
Be sure you aren’t breaking laws/rules yourself by doing such.
I understand you being upset and I’m glad you talked to him although you didn’t get an acceptable response. However, a lot of your language sounds very vindictive. Focus on solving the problem and seeing about making a room switch rather than getting back at him. Talk to your own RA.
Seriously, I’ve had my share of awful roommates, and even I wouldn’t prevent them from getting housing ever again. Seems a bit much. I like the reusable water bottle idea. Other than that, lock up your stuff or look into a room switch and let that be the end of it.
So mark bottles, then show him the mark when you catch him drinking it. Tell him any kind of theft is against the housing contract, and if it happens again you will engage the RA. Then try to move past it – suggest that you go to dinner together or out someplace right away. So you don’t separate with each of you stewing about what a jerk the other one is, and can hopefully move on.
You could mart it with your NAME “JACK” rather than discreet little lines then it would be pretty obvious.
I’ve been thinking about this one overnight. Going back to the OP original letter, it looks like he went home for the weekend and when he returned, two bottles of water and a snack were missing. OP, you need to look around CC to see what really constitutes a bad roommate…there are horror stories here.
I’d do the following:
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Start using a reusable water bottle like the vast majority of your fellow students do. The idea of keeping boxes and boxes of bottled water to drink once & then toss is kind of nuts. Yes, I know that’s a side-step from the issue but this kind of thing drives me nuts.
talk to your roommate. And by that, I mean, be a friend. Get to know him better…understand more what’s going on with him…don’t make him out to be your enemy…you have a long year in front of you.
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I agree that this is pretty small fry stuff to get so worked up over.
To me, the problem is not that the guy takes a couple of snacks and some water. If that were the problem, it would have been solved when OP talked to him. The problem is that he’s denying it while drinking the water right in front of OP.
To me, this suggests that the roommate either doesn’t care about the truth (and the lying will escalate), or something is compelling him to take stuff (and he’s going to take more expensive stuff).
In my mind, this needs to be escalated to the RA immediately.
OP: thanks for the follow up info! I would agree that your roommate has now officially entered the category of inconsiderate jerk.
I also think that another poster’s suggestion of labeling every bottle of water with your name on it is a good idea…until that bottled water stash runs out, and then just use a Brita filter type thingy & a reusable water bottle instead. It is a very viable solution to your problem.
I understand your reluctance to get your roommate in trouble & essentially barred from any campus housing for the remainder of his stay at the university. I would likely feel the same way if I was in that situation. However, don’t just take your friend’s word on it (i.e., the upperclassman who’s an RA in another hall). You could research the campus housing rules yourself. Go the campus housing office and inquire. You don’t have to say that it’s YOU who’s having the problem. You could tell them that a friend of yours is having this problem and friend is busy at class, in a lab, whatever, and you thought you’d stop by to ask about what the rules are about a roommate stealing your food.
THEN go and talk to your RA about it. don’t use any more hidden, secret, or hard to decipher ways of marking your water & food. Label every item in big black sharpie marker with your name on it. That’s what my roommates & I did in college when 4 of us had to share 1 kitchen & everybody was protective of their favorite foods & such. It eliminated any mistakes like somebody taking a can of Coke that wasn’t theirs.
re: the hidden camera -
Be careful about that. It’s your roommate’s bedroom, too. How would you feel if somebody was recording you getting undressed without your consent or knowledge? Do your research on what the local laws are about that and choose wisely before you act on such an idea. My kids were on a swim team once in which the boy’s locker room had repeated problems with phones & other stuff being stolen. 1 of the swimmers decided to take matters into his own hands and he set up his iPhone to record. Well, he did end up catching the thief on camera. But what also happened was the swimmer ended up recording all the other boys naked in the locker room. The police were called and the thief AND the swimmer were arrested and the swimmer who set up the iPhone to record was kicked off the team.
Think about ALL of your options before you decide.
As a parent, we learn not to ask “Did you do it” when you know the did it…but just to state it.
“I noticed you borrowed some of my water and snacks last week…can we talk about guidelines for sharing?
If you ask, I don’t mind sharing sometimes but I am not cool with you taking my food with out asking or letting me know after if I am not around. Also I don’t want to be the only buying snacks. What do you think?”