<p>So I'm a freshman in my second semester at college, and everything's going really well except for one thing that's been a problem since last semester. My roommate has this boyfriend who lives about an hour away from campus (not naming names here, so I'll just call him "Tim"). When they first got together last semester he was always up here, on weekdays and weekends. I'd come back from class and he'd be there sitting on my roommate's bed (even if she wasn't there). At the beginning of the school year, I established a rule with my roommate that said if one of us is going to have a guest, we need to ask the other person at least five days in advance...and if answer is no, we have to abide by that. I've had some visitors in the past and always asked her way in advance if they could come. I'd like to say she does the same when it comes to her boyfriend, but that's not how things have been happening. I'm a light sleeper, so when they come back to the room at 2 am, I hear them and everything they're doing. It's not always things I want to hear, either. I don't get enough sleep because of this. Him being in the room is also incredibly distracting when I'm trying to do work (and I'm a double major taking 6 classes so I have a lot of work) and studying. I usually go out to the lobby of my floor or to the library, but I feel like I can't do that all the time. I should be able to study and do homework in my own dorm room. Besides this, my roommate doesn't even ask me if he can come, he just shows up or she says "oh, Tim's coming here today". This puts me in a situation where it's difficult to say no, especially if he's standing in the doorway. Sometimes when I've said he can't stay, she doesn't listen to me. I don't want to confront her in front of him, so I don't say anything. This has been going on this semester as well, and honestly I'm starting to get really sick of it. I've let this go on for too long and I feel like my roommate's manipulating me. What can I do to set some boundaries so that her boyfriend isn't here all the time?</p>
<p>It definitely seems like your roommate is taking advantage of you. Do you know if your dorm has any specific rules regarding members of the opposite sex sleeping over? If so that may be a good place to start, you could point out that you have been overlooking the rule out of kindness (and also remind her of your initial contract) but now it’s getting to the point where you’re uncomfortable. I think communication is important, you have the right to feel comfortable in your room, I think you should definitely discuss the issue in a non confrontational way but definitely stress the point that you’re uncomfortable and that you no longer wish to tolerate this inconvenience anymore. She seems pretty inconsiderate (Don’t tell her that directly lol) I personally would not put up with guests being present when neither of you are present I mean how well do you even know this guy? For all you know you could come into your room one day and half of your stuff be missing because he didn’t lock the door or worse he steels something.</p>
<p>there’s a rule at my dorm that says you can’t have a visitor spend more than three consecutive nights in your room (regardless of the visitor’s gender), which she actually hasn’t violated. I agree with you that she is kind of inconsiderate, she skypes when I’m trying to sleep and when I’m studying too. But I’d never say that to her face, I’m not that type of person. I never thought of your last point, but you could be right about that since I don’t know him well at all. Thank you so much for your advice, I’ll talk to her and see what happens.</p>