Roommate Problem

Parents Forum
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<p><a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/814712-having-roommate-destroying-my-gpa-how-fix.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-life/814712-having-roommate-destroying-my-gpa-how-fix.html&lt;/a>
I originally posted this in the "College Life" forum, and someone recommended that I ask about it here.</p>

<p>Alright, my problem is as follows. I moved into the dorms for fall quarter, and was assigned a new roommate. There was a complete personality clash but hey, that's fine, we don't need to be best friends.</p>

<p>The problem stems from his sleeping habits. He literally plays video games and watches porn (yes, with me in the room...) until 3-5 AM, and then sleeps past noon. I have morning classes; not early, but if I have to be at class by 10, I can't be getting to sleep after 5. It's further complicated by the fact that I need to take sleeping pills to get to sleep, which put me out for a solid 8 hours. They aren't strong enough that they can put me to sleep with his incessant noise, so if I take them at say, midnight (in hopes of waking up around 830) they won't put me to sleep at all and I'll miss my sleep window. If I decide to take them when he goes to bed, it's a guarantee that I'll miss my morning classes.</p>

<p>I've asked him to be quiet/take it outside, and in no uncertain terms he's told me to **** off. I've complained to the RA, and I've been informed that there is no designated quiet time, lights out time, etc. if you aren't in the honors dorm (which this isn't.) I've applied for a room transfer, but I was told by the housing office that I'll definitely be in this room winter quarter, and probably spring as well; there are more people in housing than they'd like as is, and they don't have room to transfer people. I've also tried a sleep mask/earplugs, but it was no help.</p>

<p>Right now my grades are atrocious because of my sleep deprivation. I typically go 2-3 days without sleep, and then miss a class, meaning I average 1-2 mornings per week of absenteeism (something that's completely unacceptable.) Prior to this quarter I had over a 3.7. Now, there are 2 classes that I'm honestly on the fence about PASSING (let alone getting an A in.)</p>

<p>I feel like I've exhausted all avenues available to me, and I really don't know what else I can do. Does anyone have a suggestion of something I might be able to do, or a word of advice if you've had a similar problem?</p>

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<p>It sounds like your on-campus housing options are very limited. Is living off-campus a possibility?</p>

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<p>My mom is 100% opposed to it, and has said she’ll pull support if I don’t live in the dorms (longer explanation of why is in the other thread, shortened version though is that off campus is not a possibility.)</p>

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<p>I assume you are under a dr.'s care for the insomnia problems? If so, is there any provision for a “medical” room change? I know of someone with similar problems that was able to secure a room at his college based on medical need. Ended up there were empty rooms available that had to be held for students requiring a room due to a medical need, handicap, etc.</p>

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<p>Go discuss it with the RD and explain it as well as you have here. It may not help but it’s another level to try. If that doesn’t work, see if you can identify someone else in the dorm in a similar situation to you and see if you can switch roomies so everyone can be more compatible. If that doesn’t work, see if you can take a technical approach to it. If he wore headphones and was otherwise quiet I don’t see how it would be that invasive to you. If he refuses to do that you can take the confrontational approach of deciding to play loud music or invite your friends into the room around 8 or 9 am and see how the roommate enjoys that.</p>

<p>‘mkm’ has a good point about the medical situation approach. Most people don’t take sleeping pills every night to sleep. If you think you’d qualify due to a doctor qualified medical condition, that might be the first best approach.</p>

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<p>Do you have any “night owl” friends who might be willing to switch? If your roommate isn’t a total pain in the you know where, if you’ve got a friend who stays up all night with a roommate who sleeps normal hours, you can perhaps switch. I know my son switched a few weeks into freshman year with another guy who became friends with my son’s original roommate and my son had become friends with his roommate and the RA didn’t care because it was a switch and all four roommates wanted it to happen. The RA actually filled out the paperwork. 24 hours later it was a done deal.</p>

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<p>Maybe I’m missing something…</p>

<p>But it doesn’t sound like the OP is taking sleeping pills because he has a health condition. It sounds like he’s taking them to help him fall asleep because of the noise.</p>

<p>There are some excellent noise cancelling headphones that you should try - or ones that will give you some white noise to counter his sounds.</p>

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<p>You may be right Mom2. I read as though he had insomnia and then had this situation on top of it. </p>

<p>dad has a point too. My son had roommate his freshman year that played video games all night long. Son had all 8am classes and roommate had none until 2pm. Finally, son did start getting up at 6am, turning on light and tv and making no attempt to keep down noise. The message finally got through and after 1st semester they both found more compatible roommates to switch to.</p>

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<p>What you really need to do is keep talking to the RA/RD and explaining that even though there aren’t required quiet hours, this is affecting your ability to function and while you understand they can’t compel your roommate to do anything, you’d appreciate it if they would at least mediate a discussion between the roommate and you, since your roomie is obviously being very immature about this. During the discussion, explain that you have trouble sleeping and you’re just asking for a little moderation (no porn, video games only to a certain hour, wearing headphones when you play). Many TVs come with headphone jacks, your roomate should at least be wearing headphones if he is going to be up so late. He has to consider your needs too, not just his own. </p>

<p>In the meantime, I recommend earplugs and a sleeping mask. They look dorky, but they can really help. Also, if you can, try going to sleep with soothing music playing or maybe even using a white noise machine (counter noise with noise). I don’t know how that would affect you insomnia though.</p>

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<p>OP, what does your mom suggest you do to deal with the roommate situation? If the only reason why your mom wants you in the dorms in order to be in a social situation, why not come up with some alternatives where you’d be in a social situation? Live in a co-op. Live off-campus but use a dorm meal plan, join some different groups, arrange study sessions, plan on scheduling hang-out time. Your current situation is pretty clearly not providing you with the type of environment she’s hoping for.</p>

<p>There may be no designated quiet time, but it may be the RA/RD’s responsibility to adjudicate issues between roommates. If not, see if your school has an ombudsperson. Go talk to anyone higher up the food chain in student life. I would also talk to your academic advisor or whatever other counseling staff is present at the school. They may have suggestions about what to do.</p>

<p>Have you spoken to your doctor(s) about the current situation? See if they have any suggestions. </p>

<p>On the passive-agressive side, maybe start eating a lot of beans? :slight_smile: Or hey, how about running gay porn videos? :slight_smile: These are jokes, I know that it won’t help your situation.</p>

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<p>If you are completely unable to get out of the room, is it possible to take later classes next semester? Stinks that you would have to work around that kind of behavior, but if your classes start later off, at least you might be able to adjust your sleep schedule. You might also consider being more aggressive and obnoxious with the housing office. Do not make yourself easy to ignore. Your roomate is causing a medical problem—be assertive and persistent. It is amazing what you can do when you do not give up.</p>

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<p>Yes, dad has the right idea. Your roomie is being obnoxioius…and he knows it. But he has absolutely no motivation to compromise, so he’s not. </p>

<p>Turn on the tv when you get up and catch up on the news or sports…or listen to a foreign language station, such as univision, etc., while you practice your language skills out loud! Practice a musical instrument in the room–especially one you have just decided to learn to play.</p>

<p>Have your friends start stopping by to pick you up on the way to class/ breakfast. If they come a few minutes early, turn on the news / sports and talk and laugh out loud. Hang a nerf basketball hoop and have some fun with them every morning. Have friends in to play poker. Have them look over roomie’s shoulder and laugh at him.</p>

<p>When roomie has had enough and complains, offer to compromise.</p>

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<p>DEMAND They give you a SINGLE immediately. You are paying good money for that room and if he is keeping you up until 3am watching PORN, which may be illegal…then that is a serious problem. CALL CAMPUS POLICE and they will grab his computer and search it. SERIOUSLY.</p>

<p>GO TO THE DEAN FOR STUDENTS IMMEDIATELY. They will help you. </p>

<p>Your insomnia is not unusual…usually stress induced. Relax. Drink herbal tea…cut out ALL CAFFEINE …coffee, tea, cokes, whatever…NO CAFFEINE. PERIOD. </p>

<p>Get your single room…and focus on your term papers and final exams. Good luck.</p>

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<p>

This one made me laugh!! The image of an early morning hour, sleeping roommate, and squeals/squeaks of a new instrument being learned!!!</p>

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<p>ghostbuster is right. My son knew a student on his floor who was expelled for having porn on his computer which is a violation of the university server policies.</p>

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<p>“Practice a musical instrument in the room–especially one you have just decided to learn to play”</p>

<p>Good idea! Consider an oboe or a bagpipe!</p>

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<p>I was wondering the same thing about the porn; about whether that was illegal. At least it is replusive. I don’t understand people who like that stuff.</p>

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<p>“I usually eat with a book, and find it irritating when people come up and engage in conversation …”</p>

<p>Long - I’m sorry you’re having this problem. You do seem to be surrounded by troublesome people … a room mate who doesn’t care that he disrupts your academic life, an RA who thinks this is OK, a housing office reluctant to facilitate even minor accommodation, and a mother who’d rather see you fail courses than let you live in quiet surroundings. </p>

<p>I see that finding a room-switch partner has been suggested, as has visiting the RD, and purchasing noise suppression headphones. Talking your situation over with your college ombudsman might help also. I’ve found that attitude is everything in these situations, and I agree with Av8r … be assertive and persistent.</p>

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<p>good thought about it being illegal to download porn on the university server! And it’s just plain pathetic that he’s not even discrete!</p>

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<p>I think the RA should be required to mediate a compromise. If the RA refuses, go to housing, then the dean.</p>