It seems like you’re in a bind. You are entitled to half of the space, but you also can’t force her to throw her stuff away or spend money on a storage unit for your sake (unless you wanted to pay for it). And I’m guessing that she’s from out of state or not in a position where family members could take some of her stuff back home.
What do you need the wall space for, exactly? If you not having that space is seriously impeding your ability to live in the room, then provided that it’s possible to rearrange the furniture to make everything fit, you have a stronger case. But if you just want the space as a matter of principle and aren’t going to do much with it, I think that you should just accept that she has more stuff and thus needs more space.
As for the floor space, just say something along the lines of, “This room is really cluttered, and it’s driving me crazy” or "I’m used to having a lot more space than this, so I’m feeling a little claustrophobic and boxed in right now. " And then let her know, “I know you brought too much stuff and have nowhere to put the excess. But could you at least try to keep all this stuff on the floor on your side of the room?”
If you want, you could even say, jokingly (but actually completely seriously), “If it would make things easier, I can tape a line on the ground or something to help you out.” But I agree with elliebham that taping off the room without her consent will come across as very passive-aggressive. Also, since she’s clearly not as conscious of how much space she’s taking up as you are, the line may not even be a strong enough reminder. You don’t have to tape the floor to “call her out,” though. Just periodically ask her to move her stuff, or push it over to her side yourself.
If the space is that important to you and no compromise can be reached, you could also look into switching rooms.
I have a lot of textbooks, cleaning supplies, groceries and laundry supplies that I currently don’t have a place for and have just been sitting on my desk, so I would use the shelves for that. It’s certainy frustrating feeling like I’m a guest in my own room. She didn’t really make any space for me and it feels like her room that I’m staying in. I really don’t know how to bring up “I want half the shelves even tho you brought the bookcase” because she is super nice and I don’t want to have to make it into an argument.
What have your conversations been about this so far? I can’t tell if you’re thinking about how to convince her after she’s already said no or gotten upset, or if you’re letting thoughts about the worst-case scenario prevent you from asking.
You could tell her what you’ve posted on here, that you feel like you’re a guest in your own room and that it’s frustrating having to keep all of your possessions on your desk (or in your closet). And then wait for her to respond to that. It should force one of two responses. Either she’ll feel bad and want to do something to remedy the situation, or she’ll have to explain why her having a place for all of her stuff is more important than your comfort.
If she’s receptive, she might ask you what she can do to fix it. She might express that she wants to help you but make the excuse that she can’t take anything out to make more space for you. She might say something along the lines of, “Well, I can clear this off and you can put it here.” Any of those responses show that at the very least, she’ll seriously consider your request for her to clear off some of her shelves.
If she isn’t receptive, then I’m imagining she’d either try to explain why you actually do have a lot of space, or she’ll stress that she needs all of this space. In either case, you could try telling her to look around at the space she takes up vs. the space you take up, and that you’re fine with having less space, but 20 sq. ft. of space, a closet, and one shelf just isn’t enough. Maybe that will switch her into the “receptive” category. Worst-worse-case scenario, she’ll effectively say, “I don’t care.” Then you might have to say, “Well, maybe I’ll talk to the RA and see if he/she has any ideas,” in the hopes that the two of you (plus one being more of an authority figure) pressuring her to give up some space will work.
And I guess if she doesn’t say anything, just let there be an awkward silence until she does, lol. I think that if you communicate to her by sharing your feelings, it’ll be more effective because 1. you’re being vulnerable, not demanding or hostile, and 2. it’s harder to argue against feelings.
I think why I’m nervous is because I did ask once like “hey can I use some of the shelf space?” And she cleared off 1 for me but thats it. To give you a better idea she has a really big ikea kallax style shelf/case. She gave me 1 cube in the middle/bottom area. Now I kind of have to take it further and push for half the shelves. Anyway you make some good points and start with that approach and then bring in the RA if needed. Thanks!
Just an update for anybody who cares: a couple weeks ago I asked her and she responded with “what do you want to put there” and then offered me 1 more shelf, 1 row of shelves (half is 2 rows) and I persisted. She ended up giving me a little big over half. I have now asked for the rest of the half and she has responded by saying no and that I have a bigger closet and she has already moved a lot for me and that I have more space than her (I configured my side for optimal floor space, she did not). We are bringing in the RA for mediation. I don’t see why I shouldn’t get 50% even if she has a ton of crap. It’s not my fault she brought an apartment to a dorm room.
Talk to your RA about what is expected re: use of space, her never leaving and noise.
You should be able to have your half of the room decorated the way you want. Most dorms have rules that if there is not someone staying in the other bed that the other person is still not allowed to use it in anyway. Talk to the RA and say that you are going to reclaim your half of the romm.
Tell roommate that she is welcome to have what she would like on her half of the room but you want the use of yours.
Tell the RA that she never seems to leave…that of course is her right, but you are actually wondering if she attends classes and you just want to give them a heads up.
Noise: Ask the RA what is reasonable for noise…is watching TV okay? esp since she does (noisy thing).
Also see if you can get headphones.
Don’t feel like since you want to be an RA you should already know how…think of it like I get to see an RA in action handling issues.
Honestly if it’s her personal bookcase I don’t think you’re entitled to half of it. You ARE entitled to half of the room. Can you get your own bookcase and possibly stack them?
My D raised her bed and put a bookcase under it, and also put one on top of her desk. Can you do that?