Roommate problems- she doesn't want to allow me to have my boyfriend over

When someone else, in my “paid for” living room is having sex, it’s no longer “just cuddling”; it’s called porn and I would not want to see that either!

Seriously, pay for a room, and she won’t hate you so much. How do you have time to function at your college if all you’re doing is irritating others by sliming up the living space???

My dd had a roommate (4 girls) off-campus, who had her BF over all of the time always “cuddling” and having sex.

They solved it by my daughter leaving and moving out of the situation. They couldn’t afford to keep the townhouse without a fourth roommate and my daughter knew that and they all ended up moving out.

You need to move out or build a door. You are in the wrong.

Whoa, we don’t even make out with others in the room so everyone needs to calm down. We’re not having sex so everyone please stop assuming we’re humping each other with others there because that is an extreme escalation from my original post. He’s over for maybe 8 hours a week so, which is less than I can say for their friends. He isn’t living here, he is over one afternoon/evening a week.

I CLARIFY AGAIN: WE ARE NOT HAVING SEX

In your OP you said your boyfriend spends Saturdays and a couple nights/month in your room. That’s 6 days/month. I own a house and I couldn’t stand having guests once or twice a week every single week.

She seems to have been pretty clear about why she’s unhappy. I don’t know why you’re confused. I find it interesting that you said she “claims” she’s uncomfortable because you take over the living room instead of she said she’s uncomfortable. Do you think she’s lying to you?

I bought an accordion door like what I suggested when I sold a house to convert an office/playroom into a bedroom. Took me about 15 minutes to install.

Get the door, install the door, have sex with privacy behind the closed door. Let your roommates have some comfy time in the living room. Everybody is happy. Problem solved.

He is here on Saturday afternoons/evening and spends the night every couple weeks, since when is that a crime? He also isn’t the only “guest” over here. Both my roommates have people over too through out the week.

If you are only making out, why do you need for her to text you when she is heading back (which I agree with others is not her responsibility) so as not to find yourselves in an embarassing situation?

In the olden days, guys put a tie on their doorknob. This I was waaaay before cellphones.

Why don’t you spend every other Saturday in his dorm?

You don’t need to take any clothes off to make out, you know.

We were going to be in his room yesterday but he lost his ID and therefore cannot check me into his dorm until he gets a new one when the office opens on Monday

This is the most entertaining thread I’ve seen in a while. ;))

@elliebham It is, but it also sounds like an extremely boring relationship if all they do is sit in a dorm and watch Netflix for 12 hours every Saturday.

OP, I think you just need to get out of your room a bit. Since you have 2 roommates, take every 3rd Saturday or something like that. Make a schedule if it helps. Good luck.

  1. the “no door” between the bedroom and living room: if you can’t put up something permanent or semi-permanent, how about a curtain with a spring-loaded rod? At least visually there is a sense of privacy, which may go a long way towards marking out “space” for anyone being in either room while a roommate and her SO are in the other; if the curtain is thick enough (velvet, for instance), it may muffle some sound as well.

  2. you MUST have that uncomfortable conversation about SO’s NOW. Rules need to be put in place that apply to EVERYONE. That way, no one will feel singled out. Then, it’s the RULES that are telling you all what you can and can’t do, not each other.

  3. the school is providing living/sleeping quarters for 3 students - you 3. If you feel restricted in how and when you can spend time with your SO in your room, get over it. Use it as motivation to get out of school and get a good job where you don’t have to negotiate with roommates and can have guys over whenever you want.

I believe you should be able to have anyone who you want in your room. You and your roommate are both equally paying the same amount to live in the room, it’s your room/space too. I don’t understand what’s the issue with her not shooting you a text that she’s coming in soon.

OP, what did your RA say?

OP, can I suggest you and the boyfriend rent a car for a day, every Saturday? I always assumed cars were for doing the deed. I mean, yes, the are convenient modes of transport, but nothing beats a car for satisfying biological urges. And fwiw, I agree with virtually everyone else here. This is your problem, not your roommates problem. :))

MODERATOR’S NOTE:
Let’s not try to read between the lines here, please. If the OP says they are not having sex, let’s take it at face value. There’s something to be said for hanging out and watching movies. Regardless, the conversation of “Are there” or “Aren’t they” is derailing the conversation. Please get back to discussing the question as written. 10 posts deleted.

I’m just floored by how staggeringly selfish you are, @kenken5145 .

I’d be ashamed if I’d raised daughters that inconsiderate.

Get a room. Or a car. Or, like someone else awesomely suggested, a tent.

@skieurope , I’m not reading between the lines-these are quotes from the OP:

You can see where we poor fools are a little confused about what exactly is going on. :-??

And the question of what is going on IS pertinent to the conversation at hand-if it’s a roommate that is mad at them for watching netflix and chilling, that’s one issue. If it’s a roommate that’s upset that she can’t come back to her own room without it looking like a scene from There’s Something About Mary, that’s entirely another conversation.

This thread illustrates the main reason it is healthy for kids to go off to college. The conflict management skills they learn are priceless and will benefit them in the future. This is a common theme in college dorm rooms and is a great exercise. Dorm life also teaches kids to share space and be empathetic to others feelings. It is all about getting along.

To the OP, it is not appropriate for you to question others feelings. If your roommate is uncomfortable with your boyfriend there then you need to respect that. He needs to be someplace else.