My roommate, who I lived with last year in a dorm style apartment, now lives with me in our new apartment off campus. We’re not on the best of terms right now because of some personal things that happened to ruin our friendship. Well, the problem with her is that in our 2 bedroom apartment, she got the room with the larger closet and I got the room with a MUCH smaller closet. I’m talking 2 and 1/2ft long and about 1 and 1/2 ft wide! To put it in more reasonable terms, an extremely small closet for a girl!! There’s barely enough space for me to put all my clothes in (or heck, even 1/5 of my clothes in) so I told her that since this is what I have to deal with, I get the majority of one of the outside closests in our living room to put my clothes in and we can split the coat closet. However, she decided to take up more space than I was imagining her to. There are 3 shelves in that closet and space on the ground beneath the last shelf. She took that ground space, one shelf, and half the other shelf, leaving me with half and one whole shelf (which is technically less than her amount because she also used that space on the ground under the last shelf too). Now, I told her I would get a majority of the space since I got the shittiest closet ever, so I expected her to take one shelf and leave the rest of the space for me. I even talked with her about it but she complains that just because she has the bigger closet in her room, doesnt mean she has enough shelf space. I told her straight up that it’s more important for me to use that shelf space since I need it for clothes, not boxes and things (stuff she’s using the shelves for) and that those things can be placed on the ground, unlike clothes. She still hasn’t moved her things and I’m resorting to telling possibly the landlord. Anyone have any advice to give for how to deal with this?
The landlord won’t give a crap about your situation. This sounds like a super petty debate, one that could easily be solved by either getting a large plastic crate or asking your roommate to acquiesce by pointing out that she has a nicer closet and you’re going to start hanging your clothes in her space.
Seriously though, a $5 tub from Walmart or some other discount store can save on built up roommate tensions.
Never been in this situation personally, but I can offer an anecdote from my brother (guys are different, yeah, but it was still an issue).
My brother started living in a three-bedroom off-campus house during sophomore year with three of his male friends. Four guys, three rooms- So the two guys who got their own room took the smaller of the rooms and pay a little more of the rent, and my brother and his friend share the bigger room for a bit less money each. When we arrive with our UHaul to move my brother in (bringing bulky stuff like mattress and kitchen table), we discover that Roommate has taken up way more than half of the bedroom. He has a queen sized bed and like multiple dressers and a desk, plus all of his other stuff, and is taking up the bigger closet and a good 2/3 of the room. My brother’s full sized bed, dresser, and personal belongings barely fit in the room, and his desk could never have fit. To make it worse, the radiator was positioned such that it would have to be a foot from my brother’s head. Not an ideal situation.
Turns out that there’s an extra room in the basement. The room is pretty much unfinished, is covered in black mold and is generally dirty and gross. But my brother and dad take it on anyways, eradicating the mold and putting in 60’s-style wood paneling. My brother’s desk, computer, space heater, etc. go in that room. While Roommate took it upon himself to use way more than his fair share of the bedroom space, my brother was able to reason with him (and the other housemates) that, since that was the case, he got the basement ‘office.’ It was a good compromise. Fast forward, he and Roommate get along well, but it’s another housemate who is causing very serious issues in the house.
whenhen is right that your landlord couldn’t care less about a minor feud in a cheap apartment. Yeah, it sucks that your roommate took the bigger closet and is being a pill about sharing space, but there’s room for compromise. Come up with a list of a few compromises that could take effect and calmly talk it over with your roommate. If the compromises are reasonable for both parties and she STILL won’t help you out, then feel free to take it upon yourself by physically moving her stuff. And honestly, if you’re not exaggerating and can only fit 1/5 of your clothes in a closet of that size, maybe you have more stuff than you really need.
Potential compromises:
-She gets free reign over the bigger closet and the floor space in other closet, but gives you 3 of the shelves in the other closet.
-She can keep her space in the other closet but give you some/all space in bigger closet
-If she wants to use more of the space, she can pay more of the rent
I agree it’s a petty debate but the whole purpose of this is that considering I’m paying half the rent as well, I deserve half the total closet space. Since she has more closet space in her room than I do, its only fair that she give me more of the outer closet space. Ive already discussed this with her and she argued the whole shelf thing back. Like I said, she isnt being fair and I’m tired of trying to fix this. I can easily resort to buying things like tubs and all that but the issue is that my opinion isn’t being respected by her and she is trying to take advantage of me despite my obviously terrible closet situation. She had also done the same thing to me regarding the kitchen space until I set her straight and demanded she give me enough space for my kitchen things, but now the closet space is an issue. I have to go out of my way to get my clothes from the living room closet, which is a HUGE inconvenience for me, so the least thing she could do is respect my decision to take more of the closet space. Instead she does the opposite and takes up more. I don’t want to spend extra money buying tubs and things when I deserve the closet space.
This has ruined your friendship? Have you thought about buying a few storage bins or a clothing rack from Ikea?
http://www.ikea.com/us/en/search/?query=clothes+racks
There also is a popular book out about decluttering in which you should examine each of your items and only keep them if they bring you joy. It doesn’t sound like from your post that there is a lot of joy there.
People are motivated by their own self-interest. If there are no consequences (since moral consequences don’t seem to matter to her), then you have to incentivize it in some way. Money gets people going. Try to sit down with her and discuss it, and if she still argues with you about it and doesn’t want to compromise, I would seriously tell her that she’s using more than half the space, so she gets to pay more than half of the rent. Even if you wouldn’t necessarily act on this, it at least gives somewhat of a ‘threat’ and puts it to her in a way that is entirely logical rather than subjective.
Thanks for the response and the options Knittergirrl! It was helpful! As for the 1/5 thing, I am definitely not exaggerating when I say I dont have many clothes (I have less clothes than the average girl) and most of them won’t fit in that tiny excuse of a closet. My brother jokingly stood inside the closet and his shoulders bumped into either side and he’s only 14 and doesn’t exactly have broad shoulders. So yeah the closet is very small and can approximately hold max between 20 and 25 hangers worth of clothes! And since I wear more thicker clothes like sweaters and long sleeved shirts, that means even less space for me because the clothes themselves take up more space. It’s a difficult situation to manage but like I said, I’ve tried talking to her but its no use. I’m probably going to ask her one more time and if that doesn’t work, resort to moving her things. The landlord thing is definitely out, I got that now for sure. It was just a desperate option tbh cuz I feel pretty cheated right now with the situation.
CheddarcheeseMN, no this isn’t what ruined our friendship. A previous argument had and it was far more serious and not apartment related. The issue with buying stuff to put my things in is that she ultimately gets her space and learns that she can take advantage of me which might hurt me later on if she tries to do it again. I’m probably going to buy tubs and containers for things but clothes should be put on hangers and shelves so they don’t wrinkle, and I can’t budge on that for sure. Thanks for the advice though! I appreciate it!
Not how leases work.
*Edit: Do you have anything specific about your closet in the lease?
Vctory, I’m not sure about it being in the lease but we have an agreement that everything is split in half if we each are paying half the rent, so this is technically violating the roommate agreement we made for ourselves.
It would be nice if she followed the roommate agreement you wrote together, but that’s not a legally binding contract. For the purpose of your question it means nothing, except for establishing that she probably couldn’t care less about it.
CheerOutLoud, yeah it isn’t technically breaking anything legal, however, it still is a contract we made to keep peace in the apartment. I just expect her to be morally conscious and respect the space I need for my things. I would buy all those racks and things people are offering but they still cost a bit of money that I can’t exactly afford to spend right now. My job is paying for rent, utilities, food, books for college, etc. so spending 100+ on those solutions will hurt both my pocket and my respect. I haven’t moved all my things in yet, so when I do and see that I need more space, I’ll tell her to move some things so I can have space because it’s unfair for her to expect me to put my clothes and any other possessions I have in the little space she left me, especially when she’s using her space for storage like things that she can easily move to the ground or the other smaller coat closet we have.
You have way bigger fish to fry than this closet thing. If this is how things are starting out you both may be in for a terrible year. You guys need to sit down and try to hash things out.
How did you handle things when you two were living on-campus last year? I imagine there were similar space limitations.
“so spending 100+ on those solutions will hurt both my pocket and my respect.”
Much of these types of disputes are not about the actual issue ( closets) but of inconsideration. Your room mate is being inconsiderate of you. You feel that backing down on your position is going to hurt your respect. Maybe and maybe not.
Living together with someone doesn’t require that you be the best of friends, but it needs to be based on some agreements- such as each person paying their share of rent/utilities. After that, there could be numerous differences such as standards of cleanliness, who cleans what, and more. IMHO, it is rare that two people are on the same page with all of them. Getting along may mean not sweating the small stuff.
It isn’t always fair. The person who likes things neater may be cleaning up common areas more. One has to decide when it is worth getting into, or letting it go. Is this the closet, or the issue that hurt your friendship showing up as a conflict over closet space? If it is the second reason, discussions over the closet won’t solve that. It may be that you need to clear the air over that.
With issues like this, I consider the cost of something like a storage bin vs the “cost” of continued conflict in terms of time and stress, which is time you could be spending on studying, working, and being happy in your home. The issue seems to be over common space, which is not as simple to monitor than your own space. She isn’t putting stuff in your room. The cost of some storage bins in your own room might be a lot less than arguing over common space.
I would say that if she wants more space, she can pay for it. You will let her have it for $100 more per month.