I am a freshman in my first year at college and I decided to go random for roommate selection. I thought it would be a fun experience and everyone assured me I wouldn’t get a crazy person. So I did it. The roommate I got matched with is super nice to me and always tells people how great of a roommate I am for her. The problem is, I don’t think she is a good roommate for me. She considers herself “emo” and a “stoner”. She smokes a lot. A LOT. To the point where she comes back and the entire hallway, room, and bathroom smells like weed or smoke (depending on what she decided to smoke that day). She has offered me weed and cigarettes before and I politely decline saying that I’m not interested. I also tell her that I don’t mind what she does because I don’t want to offend her, but I really hate the smell and I hate when she comes back to the room super high. I would tell her this but I’m afraid to talk to her about it. She struggles with anxiety and depression and gets offended very easily. She talks to me about her problems with her anxiety and I often feel that I am unqualified to respond because I don’t know how she will react to any advice I could give. The smoking and her personal issues have made it so that I don’t even want to be in my room anymore. I often go to a friends room until late to avoid her. I would speak to an RA but I don’t know how much I can tell him without getting her in trouble for possessing marijuana. I don’t think she suspects that I have an issue with what she is doing and I don’t know how to remedy the situation without hurting her. She’s so happy to have me as a roommate but all I want is out. I feel stuck. What do I do?
Sounds like your roommate is basically using to self-medicate for her depression and anxiety. This is very common, especially when someone has not been evaluated, diagnosed, and prescribed antidepressants and/or anti-anxiety meds. Sometimes people use weed or other substances because are on meds, and want to mitigate the side effects. In any case, your roommate seems to need counseling/treatment, and it is way beyond ‘roommate boundaries’ for you to take on this kind of responsibility. You sound like a lovely, compassionate person, and you need to set some boundaries now, and hold that line. Offer to support her in going to the counseling center at school. Let her know that you are concerned for her wellbeing. If she refuses, then please go to the counseling center so that you can get support in dealing with this. Freshman year is when many students have an increase in symptoms/triggers/mental health issues. This will likely get worse. PLEASE seek support for yourself. This is not something for you to handle on your own.
@beatz1827 You need to get out of that room PERIOD. You need to be the first person to address this because I am certain you are not the only person whose noticed the smell of marijuana. You do not want to be involved in a guilt by associate situation. Caring about her being sensitive and pissed off will be the least of your worries if campus police find marijuana in your room. Remember, you/your parents have paid for the right to be comfortable in this environment. Don’t feel guilty because you are not responsible for her situation.
Go to Res Life office and tell them your roommate is a smoker (don’t mention what kind) and you had asked for non-smoking and need to change immediately. Also talk to your roommate and let them know you are not at all cool with this