Roommate probs

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>This is a long post. I'm sorry. Please help me. </p>

<p>While my roommate and I get along pretty OK, I have issues with her and no idea how to handle them. Like...she smells like BO, and I have absolutely no idea how to tell her. We live in a dorm and our whole room smells like her...I've had friends give me their opinion, so I know it's not just me, and they agree that it smells like her and that it DEFINITELY smells like she's not big on the whole deodorant thing. The thing is, she's very sensitive, and I don't know how to make her aware. The smell is always there, and it's worse when she comes back from working out or partying. And then she gets in bed and doesn't wash up or anything.</p>

<p>She's from a very wealthy family, and I get the idea that she's never had to clean up after herself before. She's generally oblivious - didn't know how to take out the trash, that you can't just leave milk and leftovers out for days and expect it to still be good later, that you're supposed to regularly wash your sheets and towels. Never brushes her teeth before bed. She's never washed her bathrobe, not since we got here a few months ago, and she leaves dirty dishes out (sometimes with lots of food still in it) for days. She does that thing where she sets her alarm to go off every 15 minutes starting at 10 am but she doesn't actually get up until 1. She also doesn't get that when you come back to the room at 3 am on a school night and your roommate is asleep you don't just turn all the lights on and make a racket. </p>

<p>I've tried to be direct with her about things, but it makes things so awkward and she gets offended so easily. She's an international student from India, and when she tells me about someone who she thinks doesn't like her she assumes it's because they're being racist. So...I think if I told her in some way that she smelled she would just get...really offended and think I'm the problem, not her. </p>

<p>I'm constantly feeling like her mom, asking her to take out the trash and clean the sink when it's her turn. I'm sure she thinks I'm a clean freak (I asked her today if she could clean the sink sometime soon - it's been a while and it's her turn -and she said, um...why...</p>

<p>And there are other weird "quirks" - she always turns my lights on and leaves them on, and then denies doing it. She spilled milk in the fridge and said she cleaned it...she didn't, actually. And then just weird things..she bought orange juice and later asked if she could lay it on its side in the fridge, as though it were mine (I haven't bought any at all), and when I said oh it's yours she denied denied denied it and said oh it must be someone else's then!</p>

<p>??? </p>

<p>She's a nice girl but completely oblivious and easily offended. She's always ready to be friendly - when I make an effort to have a fun conversation with her, she's always ready and happy it seems to talk. But when I hint that maybe she's not as cleaaan about things as she could be, she gets very quiet and wary. And sometimes she just gets sad (it's been hard for her to make friends so far and I'm one of the few people she hangs out with). I don't know how to what to do...I'm tired of mostly just dealing. Any and all answers will be appreciated, and again I'm so sorry I wrote so much.</p>

<p>THANK YOU</p>

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<p>It’s okay that your post is so long. My daughter is going on her third roommate in three years, so in that sense, as a mom I’ve ‘been there.’ All of your concerns are valid, as are your roommate’s sensitivities…and she probably has concerns, too. I congratulate you on rooming with someone from another country. It adds challenges in terms of different lifestyles, customs, etcetera. You may be right in that your roommate had a very different life at home, with servants, etcetera. This was my daughter’s experience in similar circumstances with someone as you describe. I can only recommend a couple of ideas: 1) consult your RA or if not the RA, then people with positions ‘above’ that floor/house RA who can help you both have a sit down discussion and/or assess what’s going on in the room as you describe it; my daughter had an RA but there was also a woman who managed the entire dorm building, so there were always two people to consult for issues like this 2) if there is a multicultural office at your school, there may be people there who can help you understand more about your roommate’s customs/culture and how to best communicate your concerns with her and/or have ideas or agree to mediate a discussion between you both. 3) when you do these consultations, if it is interfering with studying and getting rest, ask about options for the next semester. My daughter and a roommie tried out one semester together and then parted ways when it didn’t work out. Those are my ideas. I hope other people have some more for you. Good luck! Oh, and p.s…if this is her first time abroad, she might be going through the culture shock and homesickness big time, too, on top of all the adjustments. Does she get to go home for holidays or does she have to stay in the U.S.A.? Again: good luck/keep us posted on the CC site if possible. :)</p>

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<p>I had a roommate in college from another country who also had a BO problem. I talked to my RA, and my RA had a chat with the roommate without naming me. Just saying she (the RA) had noticed that the roommate might not be familiar with common hygiene expectations in the US. Regular showering, deodorant, and washing all clothes (even things like bathrobes) regularly. It did get better after that. I think this is less embarrassing than having a meeting with both of you and the RA if you can get the RA to do it…</p>

<p>I just think it can also be really hard to have a roommate who has never had to clean anything before – she may not even know how to do it! So when she doesn’t do it, it might be that she needs to be shown how. I have to say (sorry, guys, I know this does not apply to all of you!), this part of this post reminds me of having a husband. :D</p>

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<p>Great points, intparent! I love the second paragraph best. :)</p>

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<p>Thanks lawrencemom, I never thought about going to a multicultural office - that’s a good idea. She’s going through a bit of culture shock I think, but thankfully she gets to go see family in NY over Thanksgiving and maybe back home for December. I think we’re both completely over the moon about getting our own rooms back!</p>

<p>Intparent, that’s definitely a safer way to involve the RA. Risky but that’s probably what I’ll end up doing… The problem I think…is that…my roommate has spray deodorant but as far as I can tell…she sprays it like body spray and not so much like deodorant…says "Deodorant/antiperspirant’ on it though. I am almost positive this is the problem but I have no idea how to bring it up!</p>

<p>Haha I hope this isn’t a sign that I’ll always be doomed to bad cleaning partners!
Thanks for all your help guys!</p>