Okay so I just moved into my college’s dorms like about a month ago. I was pretty homesick/upset initially, like a lot of freshman are, and I started to feel lonely and depressed. I’m feeling much better now and more optimistic now cause before I was worried about not having a “friend group” by then (having a friend from high school helped a bit). But now I’m facing a different problem, one in which involves my roommate.
Now, when in the first couple weeks or so of living with her, I knew we were different (I’m quiet, she’s loud, etc). I was fine with that since, besides the fact we didn’t talk much, she and I were “good” roommates and respected each of our spaces. Now, I never really talked with my suit-mates either, but that’s probably cause they’re barely in their dorms and when they are they’re either busy/shut their doors. Despite the fact that it was kind of awkward living with strangers, I was fine with them, since they all seemed like decent people. After a few more weeks, I realized this wasn’t really the case.
It started when my roommate and I met up with our RA to go over our “roommate agreement” form since our RA said we didn’t go into enough detail. t was all going fine and dandy until the RA mentioned something about having guys over, which I stated clearly that I wasn’t very comfortable with it (maybe having some guy friend over for an hour, but not the night). My roommate seemed a bit upset at this since she started talking about her “guy friend” and how she wanted him to come down for the weekend and stay the night and that “hotels are expensive”. I wasn’t mad/upset at this, however, and just thought “I’ll just talk to her later if this becomes an issue again.” Again, no real problem here.
However, a week later, when I was in our room, I overheard my roommate talk about me with my suit-mates. While I’m not %100 sure, I was pretty sure she was complaining about the “guy friend” thing since 1) she was talking about what the RA said out loud then went back to whispering and 2) she would gossip about pretty much everyone, even gossiping to me about other people, so it wasn’t unlikely that she wouldn’t talk about me. I didn’t start getting upset until I heard my suit mate explicitly say I was “weird”, which made me feel even worse since I feel as if everyone in my dorm was ganging up on me.
Skipping to a few MORE weeks later, and things are (mostly) getting better. My roommate stopped inviting me to go places, which is to be expected since I tend to be very reserved when I’m around strangers and that makes me pretty unapproachable after awhile. I still haven’t made that many friends, despite two I occasionally hang out with, but hey I feel more adjusted and optimistic about being in college (which I still do now, but to a varying degree). I even joined a few clubs so I can make some more friends and I have already met and talked to a few nice people, which is good.
Anyway, at this point, me and my roommate still don’t talk but we talk occasionally, enough to where I know she is at least OK with me, which is fine. However, this pretty much goes downhill after the “raid incident.”
It pretty much all started when I came back from my club meeting on a Thursday night. I was just about to go to bed until I noticed these weird looking bugs fly around the room. I was already afraid of having an infestation at that point (which was made especially worse ever since a cockroach decided to show up in our room) so I sprayed my side of the room. Now, this was a huge mistake on my part since I didn’t realize you weren’t supposed to spray that type of Raid in rooms so it took at least an hour for the smell/stench to go away (my nose wouldn’t stop itching, it was bad). Now, I felt incredibly guilty when I heard her coughing so I said to her “hey I’m sorry about the smell. It hope it’ll go away soon” which she responded with an apathetic “it’s fine” before going to bed. I continued to hear her coughing, which made me feel extremely guilty, and I planned to apologize once more to her tomorrow about that. Anyway, the next day comes along and I’m heading back to my dorms after taking an exam. I could tell my roommate was there and was on the phone, but I don’t think she realized I got in there since I slipped in pretty quietly when I hear her say “… I got so choked up, and for what? Cause she saw two tiny bugs?” in the most condescending tone. I was split on whether I should go into the room or not, in which I decided to just leave cause I couldn’t handle looking at her. At least when she gossiped about me before, it was more like “haha she’s weird” but this felt worse.
I came back to the dorm later that day, planning to apologize to her about the Raid, when all of the sudden my suit-mate (who my roommate frequently talks to, mind you) had the audacity to say WE needed a sit-down talk and then proceeded to talk to ME about the Raid incident, while my roommate sat in the corner and stared at me. I kept my cool, however, and explained how sorry I was, how I’d never spray Raid again, and that I was going to address that with my roommate. Once my suit mate left, I apologized to my roommate again but all I got back was this weird stare and other apathetic tone where she just said “it’s fine”.
Now, present day and she feels… different ever since that happened. I don’t think she’s angry or anything, cause she is willing to talk to me when she needs to and uses her regular tone, but it just feels… “different”. Nowadays, whenever we’re in the same room, there’s this awkward silence. I don’t say hi or bye, but that’s because it feels weird too since she never smiles or even says hi or bye to me. I want to ask how are you doing or basic convo starters but it feels like it’d be out of nowhere and “suspicious” to her, which might prompt her to gossip about me more. I don’t want to move out, but if it keeps getting worse I might talk to my RA about. However, I just want to get over this “tension” I’m feeling with her. I want to have a sit-down talk with her, ask her what’s wrong and that she can tell me anything and all that. I’m hoping that this can spark us to at least say “hello” to each other, cause at this point I have no real expectation of her being my friend, but at least be on good terms.
What should I do?
P.s sorry for the long post, I felt like ranting a bit :>