So I am a freshman and have been in college for 2 months now. I know hate is a strong word, but I HATE my roommate. I really try not to judge people, but after living with this girl for 2 months I can say that she is one of the strangest people I have ever met. She is in the dorm room 99.9% of the time (the only time she EVER leaves is class, bathroom breaks, and her once a week shower). Our room smells sooooooo bad. I have no idea what the cause is, but every time I walk in I get a nasty whiff of god knows what. Typically from 5-9 at night she is on the phone with relatives, talking extremely loud about things I do not want to hear. She has anger issues and mood swings (throwing stuff, swearing under her breath constantly, punching walls, to name a few things.)
Everyone says “you should try talking to her” oh trust me, I have. She must not give a crap because she will just kinda nod and say she’ll work on it. Does she? Helllll no. I don’t know how im going to survive with this girl. Its insane, the few hours I am in our room are spent in awkward silence as she plays on her phone or Ipad. We could go an entire week without saying a single word to each other.
I get that she is a shy person, and so am I but I feel like i am trying so hard to be a good roommate and enjoy college. It just sucks because she is honestly ruining part of my experience. Sorry for going on so much, I honestly just needed to vent my frustration and my friends are getting sick of me complaining. Any tips would be great
Request a roommate change. It may not happen until the next semester, and you might have to change dorms which could disrupt your life, but it may be worth it. Have you met anyone you do want to live with? You could apply for a double together.
I forgot to mention this, I have looked into changing rooms and from what i’ve heard from upperclassmen it is pretty hard to do. My RA said there are no rooms available and apparently freshman aren’t allowed in the other doorms that aren’t exclusively freshman dorms. So unless something opens up, I am stuck until next year. @twoinanddone
I’m not mean to this girl, I would never bully someone. I’m just frustrated by her and the fact that she doesn’t seem to care that this is my room too.
Welcome to real world adult problems. It’s a tough initiation…but there ya go. You’ll grow from this.
You’ve got two choices.
Communicate about all of the things that could reasonably be improved. Work the problem and try to find some compromise.
Do the leg work, go see housing and explain the situation, find another place to live.... and get out of there and into a different housing arrangement after Christmas break. Hard is not impossible. Everyone told my kid it would be very difficult to move after first semester....she got it done, anyway. If you're determined, you can find a way.
You need to file an official request for a change with the housing office. Something may open up when someone doesn’t return after Christmas, fails a class, gets sick. Also, someone else may not be getting along with her roommate too.
There’s no working this one out - move or get a new roommate or whatever you have to do.
The showering once a week is absolutely disgusting. No wonder your room smells. I’d probably tell her (as nice as possible) and ask her to shower. When I was in college my roommate would never make her bed. It was disgusting because we had people in all the time and there was nowhere to sit or they were sitting on her sheets. I asked her to make her bed (explaining why), she did every day thereafter and we are friends today.
Surprised you have never asked the RA to intervene. Show the RA this post. Tell the RA that you cannot live like this. Go talk to the Dean of Res Life and perhaps they can mediate a joint discussion between the two of you. You might be doing some things that annoy her too. Fuming to us here isn’t going to fix this problem. This is an issue that requires intervention. A smelly room is intolerable. Ask the RA to come in so she can smell it too. You need to be proactive and be a squeaky wheel. Good luck.
I have talked to my RA, she recommended a like mediation session. I have talked to her and tried to work things out but she just doesn’t seem to care. Don’t think im not doing anything, I have been working to fix the situation but sometimes we all just need to vent. Also let me know if anyone else has had similar issues.
You have told your roommate what you want from her. Have you asked what she wants from you?
It sounds like a very tough situation. But if you really want to try everything before giving up, you might try listening to her. It sounds to me like she must be miserable. It’s not your job to fix that but she might respond better to your requests if she feels like you’re not simply piling on.
At the same time, request a change as soon as it’s possible.
Oh no, to me it is disgusting to have people sit on my bed. I never allow people to sit on my bed. I would have been upset if my roommate let people sit on my bed without my permission, which I would never give.
Ya i’ve tried talking to her about the problems and I told her that if there are any issues she has to let me know and i’ll work on it. She seems to have had a pretty rough time growing up and I told her I don’t mean to be nosy but if she ever wants to talk then i’ll listen.
Go through what you can with RA but pursue room change. At any school of decent size there a good number of students who drop out or transfer after one semester. Other parents may not agree with me, but this is an area where I would get parent involved if initial requests to change are ignored. In my experience, parents who call and push the issue up the line get things done. I know you are trying to be an adult, but I would not be miserable for the sake up trying to take care of things yourself.