<p>On another thread a seemingly snippish parent made a comment to another parent. She claimed to not care about the second parent’s opinion of her opinion. Hmmph. </p>
<p>This leads me to wonder, how many of us inhibit ourselves from posting sometimes, and what causes us to not post…sometimes after writing length posts, for example…for me these are the things I think about:</p>
<li>Will I potentially embarass my son if he ever chooses to read this board?</li>
<li>Is what I say in some way different from, adds another perspective to what has been said?</li>
<li>Is my comment solely self serving?</li>
<li>Will others be interested? Am I interested in what others have to say (mostly when I start a thread) or is it a new topic (hmmm like this one)…</li>
</ol>
<p>I try to reserve snippishness for kids whose mothers aren’t there but if they were they would be saying the same thing. I have no tolerance for kids spouting racist, antisemitic, sexist comments and then trying to portray them as naivete, etc. I also hate it when kids seemingly deliberately hurt the feelings of others. On the other hand, I try to compliment kids being thoughtful and caring, why not?</p>
<p>So, should there be a set of self imposed rules of the road?</p>
<p>By the way, I had promised myself 500 posts then off, but the darn kid is still making a decison and we are not spending nearly enough time talking about alarm clocks yet…600 it is and then…</p>
<p>I self edit a lot due to the privacy issue. All this info about my S is HIS info and not really mine to share with the world except in the most general terms.... sorry. I often type up responses and delete without posting, saying to myself, "Who cares?"</p>
<p>When I get in snippish comment mode I try to hit the back button before posting. Please let me know if I ever forget to do that--I'm not too old to learn some more social skills, I hope.</p>
<ol>
<li>Will I potentially embarass my son if he ever chooses to read this board?</li>
</ol>
<p>I can generally embarrass my child just by getting out of bed in the morning. Thus, I don't set his embarrassment level as the benchmark for my behavior.</p>
<ol>
<li>Is what I say in some way different from, adds another perspective to what has been said?</li>
</ol>
<p>Originality is not a prerequisite to participation.</p>
<ol>
<li>Is my comment solely self serving?</li>
</ol>
<p>As the parents of teenagers, do we even remember how to be self-serving? And if we are, isn't it okay to pat ourselves on the back once in a while for not taking our kids' college money and running off to Tahiti?</p>
<ol>
<li>Will others be interested? Am I interested in what others have to say (mostly when I start a thread) or is it a new topic (hmmm like this one)...</li>
</ol>
<p>Should we be interested only in what interests others?</p>
<p>This, I have a major problem with. With the exception of the parents forums, no parent on this board should act as a moderator or as a stand-in parent. It's simply not your place. I'm appalled at the parental policing. The appropriate reaction to a post that a reader believes violates community standards is to use the "report offensive post" link. It is not to chastise the poster with snippish comments.</p>
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<p>To tell you the truth, I try to stick by the rules Roby mentioned. It is hard sometimes and even my most valiant attempts at getting to the backspace key does not work.</p>
<p>And I thought when I saw robyrm's thread title that she was going to chastise me for my "Oh Ye Blasphemers" sermon in the Evolution thread in the Parent Cafe.....</p>
<p>But, as usual, the topics that bring civility to its knees remain religion, politics, and elite schools.</p>
<p>That's the one that resonated with me and I think it has to do the lack of appreciation we receive from our teenagers. I sometimes think I write something on CC just looking for some (positive, I hope) feedback - because I sure as heck am not getting it from my child!</p>
<p>Now I know, logically, that "appreciative teenager" is an oxymoron and I've been told by older, wiser folks that this too shall pass. But emotionally, it would be nice if sometimes they would notice how much we do for them and express some gratitude and thanks. Hence, a self-serving comment which I guess means I'm really fishing around for the nice words I'd love to hear from my child. </p>
<p>I don't think there should be imposed rules of the road. I am in awe of the civility (nearly all the time) and support and generosity of the posters on this board. I think the bad apples are few and far between and when I do see anything along those lines, I just skip over it. But if someone behaves like that the liberal in me supports someone's right to dissent, argue and be boorish - I just figure that's their problem, not mine!</p>
<p>honestly, I read a lot of the posts, and truly don't understand what people are saying much of the time. the process of getting into college seems to have become extremely tecnnical, rather than just filling out a few, (not 20), applications, doing the required interviews and essays, and waiting, like I did in college. I personally just don't get a lot of it, and if that is offensive, I truly don't mean it to be. It almost seems like the competition is parent based rather than what the student is needing, (which isn't always harvard or stanford). I keep asking, what is wrong with community colleges? I guess I don't know what the rules are because I just don't understand the lingo most of the time. I'm asking how to get my son a different room mate because his is a drunk, and nobody will listen; that's pretty much what I come here for. I sent my son to college last year, it just wasn't as hard as this board makes it out to be sometimes. am I wrong?, because I can take advice.</p>
<p>amith1,
I think you'll get more replies to your threads if you use more specific topics. </p>
<p>I see that you're using things like "? problems." Such a subject header is too vague to attract many viewers.</p>
<p>If you want help with your son's drunk roommate problem, write something like "Help needed. S's roommate is a drunk". If you have concerns about housing, write something like, "Help! College housing problem."</p>
<p>Parents in general are very helpful on this forum, but people are more likely to read threads with subject headers that are informative. With hundreds of threads on CC, people tend to be selective about what they read.</p>
<p>Northstar, I agree with you concerning the topics. I don't have time to read each and every thread, so I pick and choose according to the topic. I have only started one or two threads; I received more responses that I would have every imagined from a topic titled-"Hamilton College-the good, the bad, and the ugly" on the Parent's forum. I believe anyone that had visited the school or had a friend's child there responded. If I had posted this same thread on the Hamilton forum, I would have only heard from those that might be applying to Hamilton. I felt I got a wider range of responses because of my topic title and the placement in this forum.</p>
<p>I don't think I broke rules 1-3 from above; #4 is questionable! :-)</p>
<p>I think the parents need more rules about dealing with the kids outside the parents forum. If the kids venture in here, they get what they get. But I do feel some clarification is necessary as far as the parents role outside the parents forum.</p>
</i>
<p>I refrain from reactive posting quite a bit, but probably not enough as you can see by my post count. I do start and delete many posts as well. As for the privacy of my daughter, I think that cat left the bag a long time ago. :)</p>
<p>What bothers me is what I sense sometimes gets exchanged in PM and email. I've received a few mis-directed PM's from irrate folks over the years here. I usually just apologize and try to steer clear of that person in the future.</p>
<p>The best thing to do if you notice one poster (parent or student) becomming snippy here on the board is to alert the moderators. College Confidential has terms of service that they take pretty seriously and the moderators are the ones who should (and do) inforce those rules of conduct when things are veering out of hand.</p>
<p>I sometimes venture into the chances and admissions forums in 'add a safety to your list' mode. Lately, I have being calculating a very rough estimate of rejection from all schools on their list and putting it in the reply. Alot of the kids on this forum have taken statistics and could easily do this themselves, but if everyone around you has told you you're wonderful and of course Yale would be lucky to have you - its hard of hard to actually apply these daunting numbers to yourself.</p>
<p>It is important to not take it personally when the kids tell you that you are being stupid, and of course they will be accepted at HYPMC with full ride scholarship. </p>
<p>I have had some thank-you's from students, which I very much appreciate.</p>
<p>no no northstar mom, I am not saying nobody here at CC will listen, I was saying that nobody at the college was listening. Many people here gave great replies. I couldn't figure out why you were responding to my post with what you said, then it came to me when I re-read my post. I think the people here are very helpful. but like I said, I just don't know the lingo much of the time.</p>