<p>I see juxtaposn and others have cleared up the grammatical errors, I think we should try to give the OP some more .. substantive feedback.
In the parapraph dealing with the personal example, you mentioned how your mother caused an "epiphany"- this paragraph could be tremendously powerful if you SHOWED how you came to this moment of revelation, instead of just saying "oh and this revelation occurred"
i liked your examples though, debate-addict, and if this is an essay for the SAT writing section, i would see it graded as anywhere between 8~10 :)</p>