And that, folks, is why we pushed to shift as much of his FA award last year to a merit award as we could. Just finished the FAFSA and going back to one child in college next year takes us right back to full pay. That EFC looks a lot better when it’s divided by two students…
It looks like we might hold steady at the same out of pocket for year two. Fingers crossed.
Of course, all of that assumes he’ll still be there next year. 
How is his semester going so far?
Is everything okay?
I hope things are holding steady not just financially but in terms of passing grades, seeing tutors, loving college…
@nidaco and @MYOS1634 things are averaging out positively and nothing that I don’t know thousands of other kids are dealing with.
We speak with him live about 1X a week and then some texting between. Some calls have been about where he might want to transfer to next year–when he’s feeling lonely and far away from home–and some calls are about the great week he’s had, places he’s gone and food he’s eaten. Highs and lows. Until I can lay eyes on him in a couple of weeks, I won’t really know where he’s at.
He’s playing club soccer and loving that. Which is huge as sports tie him to a place. In fact, he’s shortening his trip home for October break because he wants to stay for soccer. But he’s still a super shy kid in a very social environment.
He seems to have a good head about him related to classes. He’s shared some ups and downs there and I’m proud of the way he’s thinking about things. For example, he said one week he got overwhelmed with workload and not everything got done. In the past that would have started a paralysis spiral and weeks would have been lost. This time he said he just told himself to move on to the next things in those classes and check with the professors to see if he could get some credit if he turned those items in later in the semester when he could focus on them. Smart move.
I’ll feel more settled about everything when I can look him in the eyes for a day or two and then when the semester is complete and he’s got final first grades. That will tell me if he’s set socially and academically.
Space and grace.
That’s great news about short circuiting the paralysis cycle. Such an important skill — arguably more important to learn that skill than learning the content he missed.
S21 just left to head back to school. Good to be able to look him in the eyes for a few days and get a temperature check.
Net/net he believes Roanoke is the right school for him. But it would be better if it were within 2 hours of home. But also still be in the mountains. 
there is no such school.
He’s committed for this year. We’ll talk over winter break about whether he wants to apply elsewhere and have options for next year. If I had to put money on it—he’ll stay right where he is.
We always talked about choosing a place to start—didn’t have to be where he finishes—and we will always let him know the path is his to choose based on the work he puts into it. My experience with him tells me that the more open we leave the future the more likely he is to embrace good choices.
And in other news this week S18 has a post-grad job offer in hand based on his summer internship! Just about launched!!
Aw, you said he is shy in a supersocial environment. I was not terribly shy, but I was very unfinished when I went off to a very social college. It was the making of me! I learned so much, especially out of class, from my peers. I will NEVER forget one of my roommates, turning to someone waiting in back of us in line, and holding out her hand to shake saying “I’m Blank O’Blank, it so nice to meet you.” My move would have been an awkward hi without eye contact prior to watching how smoothly and confidently she held out her hand. It’s a silly little thing, but wow-it helped. (And there were a lot of parties, where I learned social skills, too!) I’m glad both of your kids are doing well, have really enjoyed your posts on this thread.
And so the first semester ends. It was a tough adjustment and I’m so proud of him for working through it day by day.
He’s in on Roanoke and isn’t thinking about transferring anymore. Socially he’s found his way and he loves the area and the school. Even though the flight home took a day longer than expected this weekend.
But school is hard. Grades were in today and he’ll end the semester on academic probation. It puts pressure on next semester for sure. He knows what he’s struggling with on the transition to college and he knows the resources he needs to access. He worked hard this semester but not as effectively as he can.
I know that his Education class was his favorite and his highest grade. I know this is what he really wants to do. I don’t know that his path to that will be as straight as some but I hope it’s a path he stays on.
I wish so much he’d felt a couple of big wins in his grades so that he could have the satisfaction of having a lot of hard work and late nights pay off visibly. But here’s to that second semester. He’s got a taste of being away at college and he wants to stay there.
Good for him—I’m so glad to hear that he’s decided to stay. The academic wins will come eventually I’m sure. In the world we’re in at this moment, just finding your footing and getting a sense of what’s expected are powerful wins in their own way. A nice break and time to process are in order!
I’m rooting for him
I just read through your thread tonight, and I have cheered and had all the feels going through the posts. Thank you so, so, so much for sharing your and your son’s journey. You have been an inspiration in how you have supported your son and focused on the big picture of options, life skills, and space and grace (your phrasing was more eloquent). I have loved reading about your son’s growing confidence and maturation in his decision-making as well.
Is your son still at Roanoke?
@AustenNut I’m so glad you’ve found the writing useful. Yes, he’s still there.
Attending study groups every day. Liking (most of) his classes. Playing spring soccer. Really enjoying his core group of friends.
He knows what it will take in terms of results to be able to continue next year and is focused on achieving that. My biggest hope right now is that it works out for him. The kid deserves a win.
Mid-terms grades are in and he got the win I wanted for him and he for himself. He’s got to maintain this for the rest of the semester but he sees and feels it’s possible now and that’s all I wanted for him.
A minute to talk about Roanoke here.
He chose the right school. For all of you out there who are worried about your kid’s adjustment to college based on challenges in high school, ask the questions, look to understand the system. As much as Roanoke celebrates the Fulbright scholars that come out of the school and the honors program they also walk the talk on scaffolding for students who learn differently. The sense I had that they are a school that meets students where they are, whether top of the mountain or in deep in a mining tunnel, is real.
Many schools will send the letter announcing academic penalties and say “Your GPA needs to be at XX by DATE in order to stay” and as my momma says “Good luck and God bless.” Instead S21’s experience is the letter and then a plan, a contract that he signs with the school that he will do all they ask of him–study hall hours weekly, weekly mentor meetings, additional advisor meetings, increase of GPA to XX by mid-term grades and XX by end of the semester. They scaffold. He still has to do all the work and under a tremendous pressure. But he knows they are with him on the path and want it to work.
Knowing this is happening allows me to just be the mom.
If this is your kid in any way, ask the questions, have them ask the questions and then choose a place if you can that will walk with them where ever their journey leads.
Congrats to him for getting those grades up (and congrats to you too). I’m glad he is enjoying Roanoke. I like the city. Couldn’t get my D22 to look at Roanoke College, but she did look at Hollins. Ultimately decided on going somewhere else, but I think the area is great.
This is so wonderful to hear! Curious if you were both aware that these important scaffolds were possible before he enrolled, or if you became aware later? Food for thought as my kiddo has a choice to make.
We knew about the Academic Success Program in general and the level of tutoring available. We didn’t know about the rigidity (in a good way) of the response to academic probation.
In retrospect we would have asked more specific questions after he was admitted to schools. More “what happens if…” Less “What kinds of supports do you have?” Honestly it was a combination of not wanting to think he wouldn’t have a 2.0 and really wanting to celebrate his positive momentum at that point that held me off the specifics.
All in all there were really only two schools on his list that gave me the warm fuzzies in this area: Roanoke and Xavier. I’m a big believer in “when someone shows you who they are believe them” and that goes for brands and schools too. Both of those schools talked just as much about the specific guidance they provide as they do the GPA’s and SAT’s of the most recent class. Both were very personal in all comms with S21. Both showed how they value and grow the whole person through their educational approach.
And then, when the chips were down, the specifics delivered on the promise.
Happy to PM if more is helpful.
Thank you! I may reach out after our trip next weekend. This is so helpful, though. I hadn’t thought of asking “what happens if…” questions vs. just finding out what supports exist. Getting a little more specific will tell us a lot.
This will be the last update on this thread. Just wanted to close out the story for those families/kids who might be on similar paths. From end junior year in HS to end first year in college.
Final grades came in to him today. After a .75 GPA first semester, he pulled a 3.15 for second semester. Essentially an A, a C and 2 B’s this semester vs. a C, 2D’s and an F first semester.
I can’t overstate how incredible that upward momentum is. What he did is HARD to do. He was overwhelmed in early January. Game to try but feeling defeated. And then he worked the program and it worked for him. The school provided the scaffolding and he used it effectively. So effectively that one of his close friends who was really struggling this semester reached out to the school on his own and asked to have the same accountabilities S21 had because he saw the difference it was making.
I have no idea what his future holds but he’s working hard to give himself choices and choices are all I ever want for him.
This is the best ending to your son’s story ever. Thank you so much for sharing it all!
On that happy note I will close the thread.
Congratulations to a hard working young man and his supportive mom! Best wishes moving forward.