<p>I have been able to remain in a blissful state of denial regarding my D's upcoming departure for her 1st at sea experience until this past w/e. Several aquaintances at a weekend event, all with D's at KP mentioned some rather worrisome safety issues faced by the young women while on board various ships. I was told that because of several "problems" female Mids are now only allowed to go out with other females. I don't have a problem with that - what I have a problem with is trying to sleep at night while trying not to imagine every horrible thing that could happen. </p>
<p>I know, I know, have some faith, and I do otherwise she'd be on a flight home this minute, but it would be helpful if any other parents of female Mids can shed some light on what our girls are taught regarding personal safety while on their sea year.</p>
<p>I can't tell you what Mids are taught because my family is all Air Force but I keyed in on the word "Safety" so I was interested.</p>
<p>What I can tell you however is that your daughter is now an "ADULT". Treat her as such. It doesn't matter how much you worry, it isn't your life to worry about. This is not another student going off to college. This is now an adult going off to the military. The only difference is that instead of a 9-12 month school like most enlisted personnel will go through, she will be going through 4 years of training and coming out with a college degree.</p>
<p>You can remind her when you speak or write to be careful, learn lots, make could choices, have fun, and all that other stuff. But when it comes down to it, she has to make the choices. And trust me, when you say something like "...have some faith, and I do otherwise she'd be on a flight home this minute," That just shows that you DON'T trust her and you won't let go. You are in denial. I know for a fact that if I tried to tell my daughter or son that they were coming home because I wasn't happy with their environment, choices, safety, etc... they would probably tell me that they love me, but to "**** Off". And I would HOPE that they would. Stand up for yourself and your principles. The first step to truly becoming an adult.</p>
<p>I'm not saying that it isn't natural to worry about your daughter. If I think too much about mine, I begin to also worry about all the what ifs. That is natural. But it is no longer your life. It is your job to be there to support them but not to tell them how to live any longer. It's your job to reinforce her commitment, but not to question it. Your daughter is much safer where she is at than at most traditional colleges or universities. And remember, she is not at a normal school. She is in the military. That puts her into a whole different category of "KIDS" that go to college. She is no longer a Kid. She is an adult. An adult that is going to make a lot of accomplishments on her own and a lot of mistakes on her own. The only way she will make it through that is if everyone lets her do it on her own. Later... Mike....</p>
<p>She's also going to sea on a ship... with let's just say ...well there's going to be some odd characters probably. Anything of that nature won't be tolerated by the ship's officers. Unfortunately one could argue the ship's officers may be the ones initiating such poor conduct. That being said not all of them will and she'll be able to say something to someone in her department (deck or engine) she trusts who will probably be able to take care of it.</p>
<p>I don't know what the academy says to the girls... exactly, but it is generally more of a male world out there, and there are certain guidelines in place, that she should know about now, you should ask her.</p>
<p>As you said, you don't know anything about the Merchant Marine Academy and you certainly don't know anything about what I was asking about. Don't presume to "preach" to me about letting go and recoginizing that she is an adult. I've down this road before my friend, I have TWO children at service academies. My concern is that my daugther, all 100# of her, will be spending 4 months on a ship at sea.....NOT a US Navy ship, but an oil tanker, or container ship, with only one of Mid besides the crew. Your comments are way off base and I don't appreciate you taking me to task for something that you admittedly don't know anything about.</p>
<p>davygravy3,
I appreciate your candor. I have asked her what they have talked to her about and she assures me that they have had numerous meeting about the upcoming sea period. I'm trusting that this system knows what they are doing, I was just hoping for some feedback from parents that have gone down this road again. </p>
<p>When I posted, I was hoping that perhaps some parents with previous experience with this would give some reassurence. I guess I was wrong. I won't take the trouble to post again and be chastised by someone that obviously doesn't know me or the program at Kings Point.</p>
<p>Juliemrn, give it a little time and stick around. The active members on this forum who have or have had M/N's at USMMA will turn on their computers this morning, see your post and relate their experiences with the same candor as Davygravy3. My S is a plebe and most replies here offer very solid insight - but as w any forum you occassionally get someone who will offer advice w/out specific understanding about your concern (daughter on a commercial maritime vessel would be worisome to me also). Take a look at the end of the day and I will bet there will be some good responses. Come on all you seasoned USMMA parents - help her out.</p>
<p>Cmon Mike. Your comments are rather scathing. These concerns are legitimate. The subject has not one wit to do with Juliemrns trust of her daughters choices & letting go. It has to do with KP women going to sea for months at a time & what their life is like. Since no other academy/school does an entire sea year, KP parents only have themselves & the Mids to look to for thoughts on such matters. </p>
<p>My son, who is ending his sea year in October with over 300 days at sea, has only bumped into two KP women on the four ships he was on. One a KP grad 3rd Mate & another, his student counterpart. He did meet some Maritime young women aboard the Comfort but they were only there mere weeks. To his knowledge, the kids were not allowed off ships in dangerous locations be they women or men. In addition, all were respectful to each other. </p>
<p>When Davy said shell meet some odd characters, I feel sure you need to read between the lines on that one. LOL Shell be more Salty than Mortons by the time you see her again. Just know that a bunch of sea year parents have great contact with the kids via email & those lovely 3am phone calls. Shell sure have some sea stories for you and youll have some idea of how she feels about her personal safety as well.</p>
<p>Penalties are severe for violating the above policy.</p>
<p>Safety ashore is another matter.. When ashore just use common sense and avoid areas that maybe dangerous... If you have any questions about the safety of a port or surrounding area you can ask the Captain or one of the other senior officers.</p>
<p>Ive had female cadets aboard my ship many times and have never seen any real problem with crew conduct toward them.. I have however had two occasions (one fairly recently) where it came to my attention that a female cadet and a young ships officer were sharing his stateroom.. Even though it was all consensual I put an end to that REAL quickly.. I also have a policy.. There will be no friggin in the riggin.. :)</p>
<p>Jamzmom; I'm not the one who posted that I would have my child back on the first plane home if I didn't have faith. My only question and point was, and I stand by it; Why is mom so concerned? It's obvious based on here description. e.g. "All 100# of her. If you're going to be that concerned about your children, especially at a service academy, then maybe you should have talked them into going to the local university or community college. Let them worry about themselves. They will do fine. If the daughter isn't worried or having any problems, then there are no problems.</p>
<h2>For Plebes, Sea Year seems unthinkably far in the future. But I've seen the parents share their experiences at each stage of the trials of KP. Although I don't have anything specific to add, I encourage some of the female KP kids, or other knowledgeable sources, to share what they know... Because in less than a year, we'll want to know as well.</h2>
<h2>And I read with incredible interest what those in the Maritime Industry post (DD1 and other are great to share the current state of things). From his post, DD1 underscores ALL senior maritime companies are working hard to ensure the safety of ALL its officers and crew. That is reassuring. </h2>
<p>I had heard that they send the kids out in pairs.. And (if a girl is part of the pair), she gets final OK on her sea partner. At roughly 10:1, the girls SHOULD be able to pick someone they are comfortable with. Lots of choices. </p>
<p>Anyway, it would be nice to know how KP adjusts things as new information arrives. Would also be NICE to know how these adjustments make things better. Communication is key, and I think that is the essence of the question.</p>
<p>juliemrn...I think your posting made many of us realize how few on this board are either A). parents of female midshipmen, upperclass, or B). female midshipmen themselves. Most everyone who has posted on here is associated with USMMA through the male midshipmen, whether they be plebes, upperclassmen, alumni or parents of male midshipmen. Prouddad has a daughter, but she hasn't gone to sea yet.<br>
Perhaps some of the current KPers could bring in some female members to the board. 2day? davy? 10? Are there any female classmates willing to share some of their experiences at sea, with emphasis on 'safety' matters on board ship as well as in port?<br>
Juliemrn might have started a whole new area of discussion, or at least one that could be a source of insight for many readers. Here's hoping new voices will be heard on this board.</p>
<p>ok Mike, I'll spell it out for you. Even after juliemrn's reply, you had to barrel forward. You could have said, "yes i took your point a bit out of context," and then apologized. However, it appears you have no idea what a USMMA sea year entails and then you ramble on again in a patronizing and condecending fashion how she should let them go and state "maybe you should have talked them into going to the local university or community college." . SHE HAS TWO KIDS IN THE ACADEMIES - SHE HAS LET THEM GO! Will you please stop?</p>
<p>When she asked for insight from parents of other Mids she meant USMMA parents - i do not think that was you. USMMA is the only academy that sends out midshipmen for a year of sea duty. And on this forum we do not appreciate talking down to people.</p>
<p>And this statement "If the daughter isn't worried or having any problems, then there are no problems." From a parents perspective - unbelievable that you said this!</p>
<p>I seem to remember a few lectures from HS and here about y'know...tell someone if you have a problem, don't hurt yourself...that king of thing. </p>
<p>That being said, I'm from CT, I go home often. I've been out to sea for 4 months, I handled myself pretty good, pretty good (any Curb Your Enthusiasm fans out there???). I've had medical issues to take care of where I got my parents involved, I talk to them once every few days, I'm fine. Sure I still depend on them for some money here or there, and with other miscellaneous items, but I'm pretty sure I could handle myself OK at this point.
At the same time I don't think my parents would let me leave this place and I quote, "We've already paid this year's tuition in full, your're staying!"</p>
<p>Leaving our kids go and then not worrying about them are two different things. </p>
<p>Making a statement about having them on the first plane home has to be considered in context of what we would love to do but probably when reason set in we'd realize it isn't our place to do it. </p>
<p>I have two boys. Boys are so much easier to let go. </p>
<p>Presently we have a young lady living in our home. She is a delight. But seriously even though she isn't my daughter the concerns for her safety are completely different than the concerns I had for KP10 (Sorry dear but I never really worried about you, you could handle your own just fine and I knew it) </p>
<p>I find myself many times talking with this young lady about her personal safety when she is out. I trust her decision making in terms of being a decent human being, it is the nutcases she is going to run into that I don't trust. It is the concern that she is able to recognize situations in which she would be vulnerable. I am concerned that she doesnt quite yet have the skill set to smell a problem brewing in time to "damage control" the situation. I remember when I was "young and dumb" and only can laugh that I must have had a damn good gaurdian angel that protected me. I was gullible and put myself unwittingly in some vulnerable situations. </p>
<p>You can not possibly prepare your kid for everything. And sea year is a big thing in amongst the "everything" we did our best to prepare our kids for. The concept of what they are going to be doing doesn't even set in until well after they have started their plebe year. </p>
<p>Juliemrn, I'd be as concerned as you are. And I'd be inclined to buy my daughter should I have one a first class ticket back home. And I trust you would do what I would do and refrain from it and give your daughter the blessings for the wings she earned. But golly, can't a Mom just express herself over the pains of them using those wings?</p>
<p>Now you just remind yourself that you parented her well enough for her to make an extremely adult choice of undergoing the challenges of USMMA. She has already prooven how strong she is by getting to the point of embarking on sea year. </p>
<p>I would encourage you have a candid talk with her to alleviate your concerns. I'd be willing to bet you will be relieved of how much she has been taught already.I often do with my kids, they give me that exasperated look and I tell them, "I am a Mom, it is in my nature to talk about this, please humor me". They roll up their eyes and humor me. </p>
<p>Thank you for responding....apparently no one "gets" that my comment about bringing my daughter home on the next floor was very much tongue in cheek. Like she would let me! But your point is spot on...it's different with girls than with boys and I have at least one of each. My daughter goes into NYC fairly often and although I tell her to be careful, I don't panic about it. At worst I'm only a phone call away. But I've heard that in some cases and on some ships, there is no phone coverage or even e-mail at times. We've become spoiled in this day and age in that there is almost immediate communication, I feel like we may be going back to the days of my husband's Navy cruises...no e-mail, no phone calls unless they were in port and then from a pay phone. We survived then and we'll survive now. I was just hoping that perhaps I could share some of my concerns with other parents, instead of my daughter, who has enough to do...classes, exams, etc. </p>
<p>Not to worry, I'm not afraid to talk to her about it and I'm sure she'll roll her eyes and humor me as well. But as a newbie, I don't have any frame of reference and that was what I was hoping to get from this list. </p>
<p>I'm sure that most parents on this board understand your concerns about your daughters’ upcoming sea duty. As a matter of fact I'm sure those concerns are shared by many who have sons headed out to sea as well. I can tell you however, that in my experience of nearly 20 years of going to sea that cadets (and in particular the female cadets) are well looked after by the Ships Officers. First, as was mentioned earlier by DD1, there is zero tolerance regarding sexual harassment. Second, remember that many out there are parents themselves, and while they may not hold your kids to the same standards that you would - they will certainly do their best to keep them safe. Like DD1, the only problem I have ever seen onboard came from a romance that developed - not from unwanted advances from anyone onboard. I won't pretend that every ship out there is nirvana for cadets, in fact there are some that have a reputation for being cadet unfriendly. Those problem ships are usually known by the academy and they avoid placing cadets on them. However even on those ships, the problems tend to be about work rules and access to material needed for the sea project.</p>
<p>As to communications, you are right… You need to gird yourself and be prepared for limited contact during the sea period. Most ships will only have limited email (no attachments or pictures) capabilities. Satellite phones are on most ships but are very expensive – around $5 per minute. There are a couple of threads here covering international cell phones, but remember those will only work in certain countries and certain ports within those countries. I suspect that our kids will probably have as hard if not harder time dealing with the isolation than the parents. These kids are from a generation that has grown up in a world of constant and instant communications. Being largely out of touch for weeks at a time as they cross the Atlantic and Pacific will be a bigger adjustment for them than we can imagine.</p>
<p>Hope all this helps, just remember it’s all part of the experience!</p>
<p>Juliemrn, concerning what the midshipmen are taught about safety, they are told that alcohol is a factor in virtually every sexual assault. </p>
<p>In the typical college sexual assault, at least one but usually both parties had been drinking. However, their perceptions about the intentions and feelings of the other party frequently differed widely. Typically one perceived that advances were welcome when the other did not intend to communicate any such thing. </p>
<p>Alcohol tends to dull rather than sharpen appreciation about intentions and vulnerabilities, allowing misunderstandings to increase without either party’s awareness until the assault occurs. </p>
<p>While it’s nice to socialize on liberty, this is probably a good time to stick with her sea partner. If she does socialize in mixed company and drinking seems to be the main activity, that’s probably a signal to leave, even if she is not partaking. Lastly, your daughter is most likely very confident of her capabilities; accordingly, she should never fall for the idea that she has to “prove” her ability to drink alcohol, or try to keep up with anyone else.</p>