Hello, I was wondering on feedback on my appeal letter for financial aid. This was strictly GPA related and I would appreciate any kind of help. Here is my letter
To whom it may concern
My name is xx xx, I am a second year college student that attends xxx. I am writing this letter in regards to being on academic probation and a desperate hope of having it appealed. I will explain the difficulties and poor decisions I have made during my first year in this letter, as well as what I will most certainly do to never be placed in this situation again.
I will first off discuss situations that occured during my first semester that started this downward spiral. In september, I received the news of my grandmother passing. This took a large toll on my ability to focus in my lectures and have the motivation to study for my tests. With this news came stress and extreme concern for my family back home, which added to the distraction from my academics. As time went on, the stress got to the point of me having to visit the emergency room due to respiratory related issues. The bill for the emergency room was sent about a week later and it only added onto the existing stress. It was a bill that I had no way of paying for, and I had to go through a financial aid process for about three months before it cleared through completely. Unfortunately, this was in the finals week for my first semester of college, making it difficult to stay on top of academia. Due to all these events, I assumed that I would do much better second semester if I had time to process things over winter break. Unfortunately, the ongoing stress from the first semester onset my OCD symptoms, and while I was doing my best to manage that, I lost sight of the importance of doing well in my courses. I made the mistake of not using the resources provided to me. It became hard to find motivation to study, and when the motivation came about, it was even more difficult to keep.
With this said, I do not want to dwell on the past nor point fingers at others for my own failure. I have made a concrete plan to boost my GPA up next semester with the help of my older brother, counselor and academically well off peers. I have a person assigned to check in with me per week to make sure I am taking care of myself, as well as my school work. I will communicate with my professors more, by going to their office hours and emailing them, to make sure I am doing what I need to be successful in their class. I will use XXX tutoring and writing center to exceed in tests and papers. If things get too difficult, I will utilize the counseling services provided by XXX. I have strong faith that I will meet these goals next semester if given the chance. It was a great honor to attend XXX and I hope you reconsider your decision.
I think you should shorten your “reasons” paragraph.
What exactly have you DONE already to deal with this situation, and what will you continue to do. You are very vague in these very important details. Frankly, what’s done is done. The school wants to know what you have done to correct the situation, and what you will continue to do if you are reinstated.
I understand. In what details am I vague in? Should I do a step by step explanation of how I am changing my study skills, handling stress etc? Thank you for the response
If you need someone to check in on you every week to make sure you’re taking care of yourself and doing your school work maybe you’re not ready to be in college right now. Nobody can motivate you to do what you’re supposed to do. That has to come from you. Who are these “academically well off peers” and what kind of help are you expecting them to give you?
The people checking on me are not my source of motivation. They are simply there to see if I am okay as the stress that life throws can be damaging . I am referring to a study group I was in, and I am hoping they will help me with my test taking/ study skills. I would prefer if you would stick to how I can improve my letter rather than questioning my motivation to stay in school, thank you for your response
@strugglingkiddo, I’m only saying take care of your health first. That’s the most important thing.
Your letter makes it sound like part of the reason people will be checking in on you is to make sure your work is done. If that’s not what you mean, I’d reword it.
Your letter seems to have reasons for your struggles that aren’t addressed in your solutions, and solutions that aren’t necessarily related to your struggles. For instance, you mention stress and OCD symptoms as part of the reason for your struggles, but not really a solution for managing them. And you mention tutoring as a solution but I don’t really see struggles with study skills or test taking in your list of reasons. I’d make a bullet list of 3-4 reasons you think you struggled and a corresponding list of possible solutions. I think that will help you write your letter.
I must have misunderstood your original message, I did not notice these things until you have just pointed them out. Thank you for your response, I will work on editing this as soon as possible
My name is XXX XXX, I am a second year college student that attends XXXXX. I am writing this letter in regards to being on academic probation and a desperate hope of having it appealed. I will explain the difficulties and poor decisions I have made during my first year in this letter, as well as what I will most certainly do to never be placed in this situation again.
I will first off discuss situations that occured during my first semester that started this downward spiral. In September, I received the news of my grandmother passing. This took a large toll on my ability to focus in my lectures and have the motivation to study for my tests. With this news came stress and extreme concern for my family back home, which added to the distraction from my academics. As time went on, the stress got to the point of me having to visit the emergency room due to respiratory related issues. There was a large bill sent in by the emergency room visit in which I had no way of paying for. It took nearly three months to clear the money owed with the help of financial aid. Due to all these events, I assumed that I would do much better second semester if I had time to process things over winter break. Unfortunately, the ongoing stress from the first semester onset my OCD symptoms, and while I was doing my best to manage that, I lost sight of the importance of doing well in my courses. I made the mistake of not using the resources provided to me. It became hard to find motivation to study, and when the motivation came about, it was even more difficult to keep.
With this said, I do not want to dwell on the past nor point fingers at others for my own failure. I have made a concrete plan to boost my GPA up next semester with the help of my older brother, counselor and academically well off peers. Regarding my mental health, there are counseling services at XXX that I plan on taking advantage of. I have passed the depression stage of grievance in my grandmothers death, and have healed from that experience. As for my school work, I plan on having a study group for each course I am taking, in order to help me find the right way to absorb information and utilize it during tests. If I am enrolled in a class in which the professor does not teach in a way that is best fitted for me, I will talk to the TAs and go to tutoring sessions weekly. I will communicate with my professors more, by going to their office hours and emailing them, to make sure I am doing what I need to be successful in their class. I will use XXX's tutoring and writing center to exceed in tests and papers I have strong faith that I will meet these goals next semester if given the chance. It was a great honor to attend XXX and I sincerely hope you reconsider your decision.
I wouldn’t waste words telling them what you intend to tell them. Just briefly tell them what went wrong and what steps you’ve taken to address whatever those things were.
I don’t really understand your timeline. Did your grandmother passed away during your freshman year or the beginning of your sophomore year?
Okay, that makes sense, I will remove that section. All of this happened freshman year, my grandmother passed during the first semester of freshman year and the OCD symptoms got harder to manage during second semester (due to the on going stress from first semester).
They already know you’re a student at their college. And that someting went wrong. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be in this situation.
They don’t readmit because a kid goes into long detail about the troubles, then explains even more. Nor because, finally at the end, you say you “have a concrete plan.” They want to know what you are already doing, the help you are getting, the progress you are making. Otherwise, why should they believe the “plan” will work- or even happen?
Think about that. What have you done to turn this around? Try to write this so they see your change without having to wade through so much detail.
Although, imo, you gave too much initial detail, I do think some of it belongs. It’s just that there’s a style where you can show the progress/steps you’ve taken up front, create that initial impression, rather than making them wait. Then, you can explain the background- just enough, not too much, and more about your plan. Then wrap it up on a positive.
Right…like i said in my initial response to you…shorten your “reasons” paragraph a LOT.
Then tell what you have already done, whochnfrankly sounds like NOTHING except make plans to do things in the future. You haven’t addressed your OCD, you haven’t mentioned already discussing this with your advisor. You haven’t mentioned ANYTHING you have already done. Have you done ANYTHING (and yes, I’m yelling…because your second letter is almost exactly like your first)?
Then you tell what you are going to continue (could be a challenge for you as it sounds like you have not started anything).
So…let’s start with…what have you already DONE to help reconcile this situation? Start there.
I have addressed the solution to my OCD, referring to it as mental health (because that is what is being effected) in the second paragraph, I have mentioned discussing what I plan to do if given the chance to go back to school with federal funding. As for the length of my reasons paragraph, every sentence is necessary to explain the timeline properly. I have stated that I have healed from the death of my grandmother, I have also elaborated on my plan of raising my GPA in the last paragraph. Although I could add what I discussed with my advisor word for word, I feel like it is summed up within the paragraph. The second letter is similar to my first because im making small edits, not rewriting the entire thing. I do believe that my letter still has a lot of room for improvement. I advise you to read the second letter over and connect the dots, I feel as if you are struggling with that. Taking lookingforwards advice, there will be a third edit later this evening. Feel free to look at that one and respond in a proper manner. Thank you for your response
Every sentence may be important to you. But maybe not to them. And you’re writing for them. Edit. If you must say xx and yy, tighten the sentence. Instead of 3 or 4, get it into one.
They don’t need every bit of the timeline. They need to see you’re smart, now in control, have taken steps now, a well as the future plan. Show, not just tell.
And point to the improvements up top.
I will attempt to do that. As to what you said about creating the initial impression of progress being stated BEFORE the background, should I state what I have planned to do, the background and THEN what I have already done? Thank you for your response, it is appreciated