SAT Assignment: Is knowledge a burden rather than a benefit?

Test Preparation
1

<p>Please score my SAT essay (0-6)</p>

<p>Assignment: Is knowledge a burden rather than a benefit? </p>

<p>Knowledge is a double edge-sword. When used correctly, it can save many lives. Advance in pharmacy for example, has cured thousands of fatal illnesses in the world. However, misused, knowledge is a dangerous weapon. It can become a moral burden to whoever acquires it.
“Batman: the dark knight” has taught me this important lesson. When Gotham city was plagued by criminalism and corruption, Harvey Dent, a virtuous and charismatic attorney stood up against injustice. With the help of Batman, he prosecuted 400 criminals and put them behind bars. However, after his girlfriend was killed, Harvey became a cold blood murderer, known as ‘Two-face’. If Gotham had known the truth about Two-face, hundreds of criminals would run amok; the city would have been covered in flame and blood. Batman made the right choice: he concealed the truth to protect Gotham. Batman took all of Two-face’ crimes and was hated by the Gotham people. Therefore, for the sake of other, sometimes, we must go against our morals. We must lie and deceive.
Not only in fiction, but also in reality, knowledge can lead to despair and sorrow. Alfred Nobel was an ambitious scientist. When he first discovered gunpowder and its explosive power, he sold it to many miners, thinking that it would aid exploitation of natural resources. However, after a few years, guns, bullets and bombs – the beginning of modern warfare were created against Nobel’s will. Gunpowder reeked across every battlefield. Accidentally, Alfred has killed millions. Finally realized the destructive power of gunpowder, Nobel lived in guilt and regret. He wished gunpowder was never discovered. As compensation, Nobel entrusted his fortune to the science society. The Nobel Prize was born, as a reminder to all scientists to never repeat his mistake. From Nobel’s example, the world learned to fear as much as appreciate science.
Is knowledge a burden? Yes it is. It is just as destructive as it is constructive. It can turn your morality upside down, but most importantly, it can be used to hurt others.</p>

2

<p>The essay has potential, but I do have a few criticisms.

  1. The sentence structure is choppy with a few tense shifts. Try to maintain a varied sentence structure.
  2. VERY IMPORTANT: The SAT essay is supposed to measure your critical thinking skills. Use your thesis to guide you and develop further points than that. Don’t just say knowledge is a burden. Elaborate on that fact. Do our lies and deceit interfere with our abilities to function?
  3. NEVER ASK RHETORICAL QUESTIONS EVARR!!! Seriously, though. It is a weak writing strategy.
  4. Do not refer to yourself in the essay. Avoid using “I, me,” or “my.”
    ^ I personally would give this essay a 3 or 4, translating to a 7 out of 10. This person shows adequate mastery of the topic, but his or her critical thinking (which I’m sure is present) does not come through in his or her writing.
    I realize this essay is almost a year old, but this is for anybody who happens to come across this thread.</p>
3

<p>For the most part, I agree with LogMyRhythm, but I think the essay is 4 out of 6. Yes, this essay is a little wobbly in places, and all of LogMyRthythm’s advice is applicable, but I’ve read a lot of detailed score reports of SAT takers, and I base my opinion that this essay is a 4 on those.</p>

4

<p>Consider a more concrete thesis statement. Right now, yours is the somewhat abstract “Knowledge is a double-edged sword,” and this comes with an illustrating example for how knowledge can be a boon but then no such counterbalancing example (in the same paragraph) for how it can be a moral burden.</p>