SAT Essay - Grammar errors?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Hello,</p>

<p>Could anyone tell me if there are grammar errors within these statements? These are lines that I took out of my practice essay.</p>

<p>"For example, in F. Scott Fitzgerald's, The Great Gatsby, Jay Gatsby falls in love with Daisy."
Is the comma after "Fitzgerald's" necessary?</p>

<p>"When Gatsby invites Daisy to Nick Carraway's for tea one day, the two only speak for a short while before Gatsby urges her to visit his mansion. In his home, Daisy merely cries over Gatsby's shirts..."
Is it proper to use just "Nick Carraway's" or do I have to clarify it by saying "Nick Carraway's home" ?
In the second sentence, do I need to clarify "his home" with "Gatsby's home" ?</p>

<p>"In Aristotle's, On Happiness, he suggests that..."
Is the comma after "Aristotle's" necessary?</p>

<p>"Afterall, a great man such as Mr. Gatsby had a handful of wealth; but, he did not end happy."
I think this sentence is grammatically correct but would it be better (give more emphasis) to use a ", but" rather than the semicolon?</p>

<p>Thanks!</p>

2

<p>First sentence: There should not be a comma before the title of the book. Same with the third sentence.</p>

<p>The last sentence is grammatically correct, but I don't think it flows very eloquently. If you include "After all" (which I would re-phrase), make it two words, because it is implied that you are saying "after all that happened". It would flow easier to rearrange the sentence and take out the semicolon. "In the end, Mr. Gatsby did not end up happy, even with this handful of wealth." The way you have it now is overly wordy; put the sentence in it's shortest form.</p>

3

<p>Ah, my grammar hunches were correct! :D</p>

<p>Thanks!</p>

4

<p>For example, in F. Scott Fitzgerald's, The Great Gatsby, Jay Gatsby falls in love with Daisy."
Is the comma after "Fitzgerald's" necessary?</p>

<p>--Nope!</p>

<p>"When Gatsby invites Daisy to Nick Carraway's for tea one day, the two only speak for a short while before Gatsby urges her to visit his mansion. In his home, Daisy merely cries over Gatsby's shirts..."
Is it proper to use just "Nick Carraway's" or do I have to clarify it by saying "Nick Carraway's home" ?</p>

<p>--Saying Nick Carraway's is a bit slangy, but still OK.</p>

<p>In the second sentence, do I need to clarify "his home" with "Gatsby's home" ?</p>

<p>-- OK, problem here.. where you say "before Gatsby urges her to visit [HIS] mansion", it is not clear who the 'his' refers to, Nick or Gatsby. So you will have to clear that up. Once it is clear whose mansion it is, you do not have to repeat the fact in your next sentence.</p>

<p>"In Aristotle's, On Happiness, he suggests that..."
Is the comma after "Aristotle's" necessary?</p>

<p>--Nope, same as before. It's not only not neccessary, I think it would be incorrect if you used a comma there. When we read that sentence out loud we may pause slightly before reading the title, but that's all.</p>

<p>"Afterall, a great man such as Mr. Gatsby had a handful of wealth; but, he
did not end happy."</p>

<p>I think this sentence is grammatically correct but would it be better (give more emphasis) to use a ", but" rather than the semicolon?</p>

<p>--This sentence is sooo awkward. Sorry! First of all, "Afterall" should be after all, but i suspect that was just a typo. Second of all, "a handful of wealth" is very very unidiomatic, and borders upon being ungrammatical. Thirdly, "end happy" is also very very unidiomatic. A better way to write this sentence would be :</p>

<p>Mr. Gatsby's life shows that wealth alone does not bring men happiness.</p>

<p>:)</p>

5

<p>By the way, your title should read "grammatical errors". ;)</p>

6

<p>jumpman5050 - LOL -.-</p>

<p>topasz - thanks for the corrections. One thing troubles me though. "Mr. Gatsby's life shows that wealth alone does not bring men happiness." I remember hearing from someone that some female SAT readers really dislike the solo use of "men" - how can I avoid this?</p>

7

<p>i hope you weren't worried at all that this was going to affect your score. those errors won't matter much in the scoring of the SAT, because they look at your ability to state and prove a thesis, not at if you used some commas incorrectly (unless you're making horribly egregious errors in that department).</p>

<p>if you're just doing this so you can know for future reference, then more power to ya!!!</p>

8

<p>Future ref. =)</p>

<p>I'm hoping I get a 12 on march's essay</p>

9

<p>"Mr. Gatsby's life shows that wealth alone does not bring men happiness."</p>

<p>glock, instead of men you can use "one". For example, "Mr. Gatsby's life shows that wealth alone cannot bring one happiness."</p>

10

<p>As an English lover, I hate hate hate when people say "their" instead of his (going along with the men as opposed to one). Side note!</p>

<p>"Everyone bow their heads...." Exactly how many do we each have? :)</p>