SAT essay! Input please?

Test Preparation
1

<p>I've been lurking around this site for a few months but decided to join (finally!) so that i could post. I was wondering whether some ppl could grade my march 12th essay so i could compare it to the grade that the essay graders gave...i thought i did better =(</p>

<p>i had the majority rules prompt...</p>

<p>btw...a few things...
- yes i spaced out in my essay and realized that hitler was elected by the majority only after i wrote the paragraph...so i think that hurt me a bit...
- conclusion is horrible! i ran out of time...
- spelling errors are probably due to typos...sorry</p>

<p>please let me know what you guys think...and ways to improve! thanx in advance =D</p>

<p>Over time, there have been many wars fought due to religion, equal rights and other concerns. However, numerous countries have evolved from a monarchy or dictatorship, to a form of majoritarian rule. The United States itself succinctly exemplifies the model “democracy”. In addition, events from historical eras and works of literature contend against James A. Reed’s statement to “question the idea of majority rule.”</p>

<p>Primarily, the United States is a prime example to show the progression from monarchy to democracy. Originally, the US was comprised of thirteen colonies belonging to England, a country with a monarchial form of government. However, the colonists realized that they were the victims of “taxation without representation” and thus, the rebelled in 1776. After defeating the British, representatives from each colony convened in Philadelphia for the Constitutional Convention. What occurred was the making of a document still used today to govern our country. Monarchy as a form of government lasted for less than 200 years, but the majoritarian government has allowed the United States to prosper and become the “number one” country in the world.</p>

<p>Next, “Macbeth”, a play written by Shakespeare shows why one ruler should not have all the power. In the play, a revered captain overthrows the present government by murdering the king. Macbeth and Lady Macbeth then commit a series of murders to stay in power, Eventually, a war starts between Macbeth and those who wish to take back the throne. Without one person controlling all of the power in the country, it is very difficult to take complete control of the country and use the power to run rampant.
Finally another historical figure’s actions support majoritarian rule. Before World War II, Hitler gained power in Germany, consolidated it and used his power to become a dictator. Because of the rulings of one person, the world was thrown into chaos and destruction. By delegating the power to one person, people run the risk of allowing their leader to grow greedy with all that he can do. By allowing the majority to rule and choose several leaders, people take less risk of a power-hungry leader.</p>

<p>Majoritarian government can have its flaws; sometimes the public chooses wrong. But these situations from literature and history show that power in the hands of few can be extremely risky. The majority may make the wrong choice every so often, but Reed should not expect the majority to distinctly know what is right for the future.</p>

2

<p>bump???? can someone please read this?</p>

3

<p>If I had to guess, I'd say you probably got an 8, maybe a little lower. I don't have much time to comment, but I'll throw out a few comments: Your Macbeth example is pretty much irrelevant. A monarch overthrown by other individuals has nothing to do with majority rules. You know what you did with the Hitler reference...</p>

<p>Your US Revolution example was only OK. It didn't quite answer the question specifically enough. Also, watch your use of language. Redundant at "Primarily, the United States is a prime...". Too wordy other places. Try to keep it a little more clean and simple. Ex.) "What occurred was the making of a document..."</p>

<p>You're not too far from a 10. Just make sure that your examples are really relevant, that you answer the question and keep your language clear and simple.</p>

<p>More later if I get the chance.</p>

<p>So what did you get?</p>

4

<p>Another thing that could have hurt you is that the US government is not a democracy, but a republic. There are distinct differences between the two forms of government which makes the US government institution a rather bad example for majority rule. But of course, the essay graders are probably not so rigid about factual accuracy.</p>

5

<p>Have to disagree with you on that, dualityim. I seriously don't think that anyone's going to take points off for calling the US a democracy.</p>

<p>Now if you were really honest and called the US a plutocracy, you might lose points :)</p>

6

<p>lol petesat</p>

7

<p>LOL...true, that.</p>

8

<p>thanks everyone for the input...when i got my scores back i was kinda surprised that i got a 9...</p>

<p>but now that i actually read over my piece of crap essay and read some of your comments i totally agree with my score</p>

<p>glad i didn't waste my money to get it rescored =D</p>