I’ll be really happy if somebody would grade my essay please!
Do artistic endeavors enhance our understanding of reality or provide escape from reality?
Looking back at influential artists in the past, it is undeniable that artistic endeavors provide ultimate escape from reality instead of enhancing one’s understanding of it. In other words, it can be seen that people who indulge in art are trapped in their own, specific world and do not have any sense of practicality. This is clearly demonstrated by the endless poverty of Vincent Van Gogh and Salvador Dali’s persistence to bizarre, eccentric styles of art.
Vincent Van Gogh was an exceptional artist in the 1800s and was actually more famous after his death. During his entire lifetime, he could not escape poverty and had to get endless support from his brother, Theo. It is in fact recorded that Theo was the only friend of Van Gogh’s, since nobody wanted to connect with the pitiful, penniless artist. However, Van Gogh did not care about his monetary status and only focused on creating paintings. This clearly shows that art separates an individual from reality, to the extent that the individual has to totally rely on another individual.
Another famous artist, Salvador Dali is renowned for neglecting traditional styles of art and seeking new and unorthodox styles. Many of Dali’s friends and acquaintances became disappointed with his attitude and depicted him as being ‘insane’. It is said that he purposely ‘induced hallucinatory states in himself’ to acquire novel inspirations. Rather than understanding reality, art has driven Dali to only pursue idiosyncratic styles, to the extent of harming himself.
The examples of two well-known artists clearly show how art can be a source to elude reality. Through art, they gradually became secluded from the real world.
Firstly, please properly separate your paragraphs on CC and on the actual SAT. Many readers commonly glance at the entire structure to grade the organization. Also, your essay is too short, lack good transitions, and isn’t 5 paragraphs, which all hit the organization score.
Thesis is grammatically incorrect and weak. “Looking back…it.” “it” cannot look back. “It can be seen” is passive and weak. You also need to give a reason for your argument as part of your thesis too. “Because artists often channel all their focus into art, they are trapped…”
Diction is average. This is hard to improve, but you do have a few good words in there.
Grammar is not good. The very start has two classic SAT grammar mistakes, and the lazy reader focuses more at the start than anywhere else.
You chose good examples, but you didn’t explain each enough. (You also need 3 examples to maximize your score). For Van Gogh, explain how money is part of the real world, and then link him to not caring about the real world. For Dali, you need a specific example of when he perhaps annoyed his friends or painted a famously non-traditional painting.
What has a stronger effect on one’s life: one’s circumstances, or one’s system of beliefs?
Many people blame their circumstances for affecting their misfortune or poverty. However, this is actually just a lazy excuse to confer responsibility to something. Circumstances are not that powerful enough to totally affect one’s life; rather, one’s belief has a stronger effect in transforming one’s circumstances into a much better one. This is clearly demonstrated by Nick Vujicic and Helen Keller’s overcoming of handicap and Martin Luther King’s achievement in the Civil Rights Movement.
Nick Vujicic is a well-known, motivational speaker who talks about overcoming unfortunate circumstances and having hope in one’s life. Nick was born with a special disorder: he is limbless, with only one foot dangling with two toes on it. During his teens, he believed that he was the most miserable person and became so despondent that he wanted to commit suicide. However, one day he read in the newspaper about a person who overcame a worse disorder and changed his view on himself. He believed he was actually a very fortunate person because he could give hope to the handicapped by being happy himself. Nick Vujicic’s life clearly shows how one’s belief has a strong effect in transforming one’s life.
Similar to Nick Vujicic, Helen Keller is also an exceptional individual who is famous for overcoming both blindness and deafness. At the age of four, Helen suddenly became deaf and blind, and the doctor regarded as a mission impossible for her to be as capable as normal people. However, through the help of her teacher, Anne, Helen gradually learned to value herself and believed that it is possible to be like normal people. Even though her world was in utter darkness and silence, Helen broke through the isolation and eventually learned to read and speak. Her strong belief in defeating the handicap is clearly shown through her achievements.
During the 1800s, the colored was severely segregated in America. To the Whites, they were not even seen as human beings and often humiliated through all sorts of ways. These stubborn and depressing circumstances didn’t stop Martin Luther King from starting a social movement in order to stop racism. He had a strong belief that one day a world without racism would exist and even delivered the speech “I Have A Dream” in front of thousands of people. And with strong supporters, Martin Luther King was able to achieve abolition of racial segregation in the country.
Both of these examples lucidly show how one’s steadfast belief can overcome discouraging circumstances and totally transform it into a favorable one, influencing many others in the way.
Can you possibly read through this one too? I tried to incorporate some of your comments here… Thanks a lot!
Organization: 5
Thesis: 4 you still haven’t incorporated a reason INTO the thesis. But massive improvement in the intro. Good job.
Grammar: 4 still quite a few grammar mistakes, esp. In the intro.
Diction: 4 there are a few “baby” words, that you shouldn’t be using. E.g. "Confer responsibility to something. Confer was good, but “something” was not.
Supporting Details: 4 good choices, but you need to explain how Anne helped Helen. You also need to specify the difference of circumstances and beliefs in each paragraph. While you say belief is strong, you don’t really say much about circumstance.
Can someone help me? I need this graded asap. Any help would be appreciated.
Blurb: For a variety of reasons, people often make choices that have negative results. Later, they
regret these choices, finding out too late that bad choices can be costly. On the other hand,
decisions that seem completely reasonable when they are made may also be the cause of later
disappointment and suffering. What looks like a wonderful idea at one time can later seem like
the worst decision that could have been made. Good choices, too, can be costly.
Assignment: Are bad choices and good choices equally likely to have negative consequences? Plan and write an essay in
which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken
from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
Answer: Good choices and bad choices are equally likely to have bad results. What seems like a reasonable decision at the time can turn out horribly wrong in some time. History is littered with examples that validate this proposition.
In 1971 war between Indian and Pakistan, the Pakistan army decided to attack the Longewala in the state of Rajasthan. It seemed to be sensible decision considering that the division of Pakistan army responsible for the attack had 2000 plus soldiers while the Indian contingent in Longewala had only about 200 soldiers. The Pakistan army also had howitzer guns and three tanks compared to only hand held guns in the arms of their Indian counterparts. The Pakistani army tried to infiltrate the Indian defence throughout the evening and the night. The Indians knew they were outnumbered so they took strategic positions and merely held out their attack for the night, waiting for the air support in the morning. The Pakistani army was unable to break the Indian resilience and hence perished in the air strikes the following morning. Thus, a good decision by the Pakistani army led to an unfavourable outcome.
In the summer of 2013, Arsenal Football Club was looking to buy a playmaker who could hold the team together. The club manager, Arsene Wenger spent over 40 million pounds on Mesut Ozil, breaking the club transfer record in the process. It seemed to be the best decision made by Arsene Wenger in his 15 years as in charge of Arsenal, instead, so far, it has turned out to be dismal. Ozil have been marked by listless performances and has been out of six of ten months injured. Hence, good decision at that time has turned into waste of funds,
When John Sculley was in charge of Apple, he convinced the board to fire Steve Jobs. This decision was considered a positive move as Steve’s mercurial nature was supposedly plummeting the company . After his firing, the stocks plunged catastrophically and it was not until his rehiring that the company came back on the track of success. Therefore a good decision at the time turned out to be a failure.
From Pakistani army’s failure, Arsene Wenger’s flop buy and Steve Jobs’ firing, we can conclude that good decisions are equally likely to turn in bad results as bad decisions.
Is it possible to get a 12 with only two examples?? Ive tried to incorporate 3 but i cant fit enough detail into each and especially within the time limit.