Sat essay - Please score

Test Preparation
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<p>I wrote an essay for the SAT's. Can everyone please give me a score on it. </p>

<p>Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>

<p>It is not that people dislike being part of a community; it is just that they care about their individual freedoms more. People value neighborliness and social interaction—until being part of a group requires them to limit their freedom for the larger good of the group. But a community or group cannot function effectively unless people are willing to set aside their personal interests.</p>

<p>Adapted from Warren Johnson, The Future Is Not What It Used To Be</p>

<p>Assignment:
Does the success of a community—whether it is a class, a team, a family, a nation, or any other group—depend upon people’s willingness to limit their personal interests? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Essay:
Since time immemorial, mankind has found respite in the companion of a community. A community, which will lead to complex civilizations and nations. But such advancements are only possible by the concerted effort by everyone in the community. No one shares the exact same viewss as someone else, and disagreement is bound to occur. To a certain extent, disagreement is necessary for success in a community. But at some point, one side will have to relent. One will have to limit its personal freedom for the freater good of the community</p>

<p>Consider the ammendments of the U.S. constitution. Each ammendment addresses a different freedom issue; freedom of press, speech, privacy, etc.. To any first time reader of the constitution, the ammendments seem like ultimate freedom. But one underlying principle of the constitution, which preempts all ammendments is "Your rights end where another's begins." Meaning, though you might have freedom of speech, if you slander someone else, than you are violating his freedom of privacy. If you reveal a secret under the name of freedom of press, you are abusing someone's privacy. A whole nation would crumble without this fundamental principle. Every right in the ammendment has its limits and boundaries, thus each person must remain within his or her boundaries, if the nation wiches to coexist peacefully and progress. </p>

<p>Therefore, although disagreements are necessary, people's willingness to limit their personal freedom is paramount to the success of a community. Even in a nation, which seems to have endless freedom, has its boundaries. Each citizen of the U.S. accepts these boundaries, when he or she wants to be a part of this country. Every citizen in the U.S. is willing to limit their freedom so they don't violate those of others. A community needs to remain cohesive, whether it be a nation, team or even a family, and that requires everyone to compensate and give up something for the greater good of the community.</p>

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<p>4
Good vocab
suggestions:

  • Use an additional argument (the question hints about family, other groups)
  • Use more rigid structure. First sentance of paragraph should outline your argument.
  • Use specific examples. Not just “amendments” but a specific one.
  • I dont think freedom is quite on topic here. The question suggests we limit our interests. Think economic.</p>
3

<p>hmm i see what ur syaing about the question being directed more towards the interest and not just freedom.</p>

4

<p>Agreed with mitchklong.</p>

<p>You should always use specific examples…</p>

<p>I wrote this prompt before.</p>

<p>I used:</p>

<p>Ender’s Game
The Giver</p>

<p>and talked about how Ender and Jonas have to compromise their own personal interests for the better of their community/nation.</p>