SAT Essay Score of 7/12 Justified?

Test Preparation
1

<p>Here is my essay: (It got a 4 and a 3; a 3 is called "inadequate")
ESSAY PROMPT
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below:</p>

<p>We must seriously question the idea of majority rule. The majority grinned and jeered when Columbus said the world was round. The majority threw him into a dungeon for his discoveries. Where is the logic in the notion that the opinion held by a majority of people should have the power to influence our decisions?</p>

<p>Adapted from James A. Reed, "Majority Rule" </p>

<p>Assignment: Is the opinion of the majority-in government or in any other circumstances-a poor guide? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
----my essay-----</p>

<pre><code> Mordechai Anielwicz, a German of Jewish origins in the twenties, was sure that he was correct. He warned all of his friends that the newly elected official, Adolf Hitler, was a poorly chosen fanatical, that we would leave the German nation in ruins. The majority of his friends jeered at him and mocked his ideas. Yet, twenty years later, the German nation was in ruins and Mordechai was starving somewhere in Poland. The opinion of the majority, in government and in any other circumstance, is a poor guide.

Consider, for example, our country’s founding fathers. It is no mistake that they chose an electoral college to elect the president rather than a direct democratic election. The majority of the United States was then poor, uneducated farmers. If left to elect the president, the results of that uneducated majority’s decision would have been undoubtedly disastrous for the nation.

An example of the majority making an extremely poor decision is the French-Indonesian War of 1956. The majority of the French public, an uneducated mass of people, cried for surrender. French leaders, an educated elite, begged for just one more year of fighting to what would surely have been an easy victory. However, the French elite ultimately gave in to the uneducated majority. Now, Indonesian drug trafficking is a primary cause of drug abuse and a poor work ethic in France.

An example from my own experiences took place in the third grade. My class was taking an exam for the school’s gifted program. I was unsure about my last answer. Cheating, I consulted a few classmates. They all informed me that I was incorrect. So, I gave in to the majority and changed my answer. I missed admission into my school’s gifted program by one question.

In conclusion, the majority is less educated than the elite minority. Thus, the opinion of the majority is a poor guide.
</code></pre>

2

<p>i wouldn't call it inadequate. but it needs more meat. more theory with the examples. at least that's what i would think.....</p>

3

<p>In my essay, I actually said "fanatic", not "fanatical"; that was just a typo.</p>

4

<p>Yea you probably didn't get graded well because they're readng so many essays and everyone had some pretty good examples...so it might have made your's look a little inadequate. Plus is there an intro? A thesis statement? ANything? I don't know if this is NECESSARY but I'm sure English teachers are still looking for it. I don't know if that's what your first paragraph was but it looks more like an example.
Your French-Indonesian war example does not make sense at the end. THe last sentence does not seem to tie in neatly with the rest of the paragraph. It makes it look like you don't know how to draw conclusions from your examples.
The sentences mostly seem pretty simple. Like read your last paragraph. The sentences are all pretty short and kinda chopped. You could have worked on that -- granted you only have 25 minutes so I guess you probably couldn't have.
By the way, I could be wrong (I'm obviously not an English teacher), but anyhow that's what I think.</p>

5

<p>^^^ Easily, I finished 15 minutes early</p>

6

<p>wow when I took the SAT II Writing in November, my essay was worse than that and I got an 11 :eek: New SAT seems to be a LOT tougher :eek:
But my essay was a good bit longer and more descriptive- also I elaborated on one personal incident instead of describing more in lesser detail</p>

7

<p>7/12 seems to be a fair grade for your essay since it lies somewhere in between being inadequate, developing writer, and competent and adequate. </p>

<p>The difference between a 3 and a 4 though is immense. But here's my reasoning. Your essay lacks an introduction that will introduce your examples. The introduction should concisely state your thesis which is instead stated at the end of the essay.</p>

<p>Your examples are also not developed using more specific examples. For instance, you talk about the electoral college in vague generalizations. Does the majority usually lead to a bad decision? How is the electoral college an example of the majority leading to an inevitable bad decision rather than another cause?</p>

<p>In essence, it's not a bad essay. If it had come across my desk, I would have graded it a 4. It's competent, adequately detailed but has occasional lapses in quality.</p>

8

<p>are you actually an sat grader?
because my kaplan teacher told me to write as simply as possible without going into great detail</p>

9

<p>I think you're confusing a few things your teacher told you.</p>

<h1>1. The admonition to write as simply as possible is to avoid wordy constructions and needless self-reference. (i.e. don't say "I believe that majority rule..." Instead "Majority Rule). Many students think that they are writing better by using more words when they are actually not.</h1>

<h1>2. Some students also feel the need for several sentences of summary when making a simple point about a book, historical event, or experience. It doesn't matter what the story is; it matters how it is relevant to your thesis. So including details for the sake of details is not good. But do include detailed support that is also relevant.</h1>

<p>Jon</p>

10

<p>Maybe someone who actually knew something about history came across your essay, saw the "French-Indonesian War", and realized that you were making up a poorly contrived, phony historical example. As I recall, someone once posted on CC that he invented a "French-Indonesian War", dealing with drug trafficking issues, for his SAT II Writing - did you just copy him?</p>

11

<p>you must've had really really horrible hand writing. My essay wasnt as detailed but at least i stated my position at the beginning. I got a 9.</p>

12

<p>Good comments here (especially jonw222). Think about explaining your points fully to someone who has no knowledge of your point.</p>

<p>Use better transition words than "an example." Even "A further example" would be better, though not great.</p>

<p>Watch the grammatical errors...there were a few simple ones (like "The majority of the United States was then poor, uneducated farmers." which links the majority (singular) and farmers (plural) with the singular linking verb "was")</p>

<p>Finally, I think your last point may have hurt you. You didn't get into the gifted students program because you CHEATED? Not exactly sympathetic. Now I know the essay graders aren't <em>supposed</em> to take content into account, but most of them are english teachers who undoubtedly frown on cheating.</p>

<p>I probably would have given you a 4.</p>

13

<p>well theres ur problem right there u used kaplan</p>

14

<p>Length is a huge factor in the grading. Most likely they skimmed over you essay... disapproved of the length, read the intro read the final paragraph and were upset of w/ your cheating and your conclusion was too short. I would give you a 4</p>

15

<p>Actually, Id' guess that, written out, that essay was 1 1/2 + pages...plenty long. Am I right, Captain Acid?</p>

16

<p>I ended up receiveing an 11/12; the only tip--use an urbane form of vocabulary, use relevant sources, keep track of time, make sure to utilize good examples that will aid in your argument/discussion, oh--and confidence. Like the cliched nike slogan says "Just do it."</p>

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<p>All good points, IvyLeague...just be careful with the vocab. Poorly used "urbane" vocab is worse, in my opinion, than simple vocab.</p>

18

<p>How I'm going to say this may not help you, but did you read this "outloud" to yourself before you handed it in? Have u read it outloud now? To me, this just sounds awkward. The sentences are clunky and have very little flow or rhythm to them. I mean right off the bat, the appositive phrase "a German of Jewish origins in the twenties" I would have simply written "A German Jew" and maybe rewritten the sentence as "Joe Schmo, A German Jew, in the early 20s commented on the inadequecy of Adolf Hitler" or whatever, also, I'm not a big history buff, but who the hell is Mordechai Anielwicz? For all I know you made him up. "David Levinsteincohenschwartz" sounds just as familiar to me.</p>

<p>To sum things up, read stuff outloud, it does wonders.</p>

19

<p>Great suggestion...</p>