SAT Essay

<p>Please score out of 12 :)</p>

<p>Prompt: Do violence and immorality in the media make our society more dangerous and immoral?</p>

<pre><code> Although many may view the media as a source that culminates violence, it ultimately proves to be harmless. Indeed, for many, especially teenagers violent videogames provide an outlet and virtual reality for channeling emotions. Many gory war films serve not as stimulants for similar real-life reenactments, but as scathing reminders of the horrors of fighting. In short, rather than encouraging violence, media at many times prevents it.
With rising demands for more exciting and thrilling entertainment, violent videogames such as realistic first-person-shooters have emerged as a prominent market for teenagers. Popular shooting games such as Call of Duty and Battlefield have broken all time best selling records, yet national crime rates have not sky-rocketed and plagued America's streets. In fact, in recent decades, violence has decreased significantly throughout the country and in many other places in the world. Most likely, it is the result of the ameliorating benefits of violent videogames. Instead of spreading violence, these popular fighting games provide much needed relief for the raging hormones of growing teenagers and young adults. Indeed, the more realistic and gory new videogames become, the less o a need many have to participate in real-life violence. For excitement seeking young people and troubled individuals alike, violence in videogames provide safe, innocuous alternatives to lethal crime.
A similar parallel can also be found in the movie theatres and TV shows. After the second World War, the first modern war that resulted in over 300,000 casualties, our nation has been swept up in an anti-war movement that has lasted until present day. Many forms of media that have risen in wake of this include war movies and TV shows. The World War II based TV series, Band of Brothers, has greatly influenced public opion on the effects of war. Rather than fueling animalistic desire for bloodlust, its strikingly realistic scenes of gore and bloodshed have exposed viewers to the horrors of war. In many senses, violent media can prove to be even more effective than any dreary warning against violence.
As a result, instead of encouraging violence, bloody videogames and movies can provide means of lowering crime rates and rid society of violence.
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<p>I really liked this and would give you an 11 with the only problem that you didn’t separate out your conclusion paragraph. “In many senses” should start your last paragraph.</p>

<p>Thanks for the feedback! Maybe it wasn’t clear the way I typed it, but on my written copy I did separate the last sentence into a short conclusion paragraph. If that was not the only issue impeding a 12, should I consider developing my conclusion further? I almost always find myself writing to the last seconds, so I usually skimp on the conclusion. How important is it to have a strong conclusion?
On a side note, I’ve been getting confused because CC readers have been giving me 7-9s to 10+ on similar essays. But I’ve also read from recent posts that CC graders tend to be much harsher than College Board. If I continue to write similar essays would I have a chance to get a 11-12 essay on the January SAT?</p>