<p>I need help reviewing my SAT essay.
I'll PM it to interested people.
Let me know.
and do send feedbacks and the score u would assign my essay.</p>
<p>Bump!!!</p>
<p>Can’t you just post it here?</p>
<p>i’ll read it</p>
<p>ok here it is:
Prompt:
“Tough challenges reveal our strengths and weaknesses.” This statement is certainly true; adversity helps us discover who we are. Hardships can often lead us to examine who we are and to question what is important in life. In fact, people who have experienced seriously adverse events frequently report that they were positively changed by their negative experiences.
Assignment:
Do you think that ease does not challenge us that we need adversity to help us discover who we are? Plan and write and essay …………. </p>
<p>My Reply:
Today we live in a world where ease and luxury surround us. Yet, among us there are people who have been able to discover themselves despite the comforts and the better opportunities. Such personalities clearly indicate that even though adversity does challenge us, we do not need it to discover ourselves.
A great instance in history can be Gautam Buddha, the founder of the religion Buddhism. Born as Siddhartha Gautam, he was a prince and had access to all the worldly luxuries that he could desire for. Yet, he chose the life of a saint. His inner desire was to find eternal peace and he did not require hardship to discover it.
Another such example is Florence Nightingale. Nightingale was also born in a well off family in Florence, Italy. She was expected to be a housewife, a comfortable life for any girl in her time. However, even though she led a comfortable childhood, she went against what was expected of her and ended up discovering herself as a nurse. She did not need to face hardship to discover her desire to help the needy.
An additional example can be Charles Darwin, the scientist who proposed the theory of evolution. Charles Darwin was actually from a high class family. Consequently, he had a comfortable life. However, when it came the time to choose a career he went against his parents’ will and chose to become a botanist instead of a priest. This also proves that people do not need hardship to discover who they really are.
There are many more instances in history of such cases. All these examples serve to prove one thing. Hardship is not required when it comes to discovering oneself.</p>
<p>i’m not sure if i could post the essay like this. But i did it anyway.</p>
<p>10char bump</p>
<p>Strengthen your examples more and give more insight. you can always write more to expound on your supporting paragraphs. remember, the essay must have a strong intro and a strong finish with a concluding paragraph. work on those.</p>
<p>I’d give this a 4-5 on the 6 point scale.</p>
<p>ok thanks. Intros are my weakness. I generally panic if i try to think of an attractive intro. I’ll try working on that.
BTW thanks a lot.
Any more reviews???</p>
<p>conclusion needs more strength, in my opinion.</p>
<p>However, good examples.
good flow of english.
few or negligible lapses.
overall a good essay.
definitely 4 or more.</p>
<p>I think this essay would get a 4-5. As Vale! already pointed out, you should try to elaborate more on your examples. Also, try adding a bit more in the concluding paragraph, which seemed just too short and the end seemed abrupt.</p>