SAT I Essay, rate it please =)

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1

<p>It came out to 2 full pages so that is good, but my handwriting blows (I hope it doesn't matter tooo much).</p>

<p>Prompt: What motivates people to change? </p>

<p>Box: To change is to risk something, making us feel insecure. Not to change is a bigger risk, though we seldom feel that way. There is no choice but to change. People, however, cannot be motivated to change from the outside. All of our motivation comes from within.</p>

<p>Overwhelming need drives people to change--it is the simple need to survive or succeed. One prominent literary figure is T.S. Eliot's Jay Alfred Prufrock, a man who represents the need for change but never does. I also underwent a change; a change that was motivated by the need to succeed.</p>

<p>Though my situation was not a matter of life or death, overwhelming need was my catalyst for change. For much of my life, I have excelled in all academic areas. I, supposedly, had no weakness. However, in the beginning of my senior year I encountered an unwelcome surprise. My English teacher whose name is infamous throughout my school would be the overwhelming force that made me change. From the start, my usual A plunged to a pathetic C-. I had never thought about not graduating, but it became reality. I forced myself to change. Day after day was spent toiling over English. Slowly, but surely, my grades improved because I refused to fail--I absolutely could not fail. The need to change was my motivation. </p>

<p>For Jay Alfred Prufrock, though change was needed, change did not occur. Despite his terrible and lonely life full of "indecisions," the balding middle-aged man was completely resistant to change. He was like consistent and boring north star. This skinny man loved a woman. His thought were of her and only her. He questioned. He pondered. He wanted to change. He did not change; he was not the ever transforming Prince Hamlet, but instead the lowly and insignificant Polonius. In the end, Jay did not change because he was too "afraid to disturb the universe." </p>

<p>I took no risk, but I had no choice but to change. In the end, change must come from within, but it must be called upon by an external need. In Jay's case, no change was a bigger risk than asking a woman on a simple date, and his price is lonliness--absolute lonliness.</p>

<p>I guessed a 5/6 was reasonable.</p>

<p>BTW, I left the typos and grammar errors.</p>

2

<p>im going to hav to say 11... on first reading a 10.. but then a 11.. most impressed with ur sentence structure and formation..</p>

3

<p>I agree. I like the tie-in to Hamlet. Very cool. </p>

<p>Some advice: work on your handwriting. They say that handwriting won't affect your score, but who knows if that is true. </p>

<p>Also, a conclusion is important. You have one which is great, but remember to keep track of the time on test day. I ran out of time, and did not write a real conclusion. It cost me points. </p>

<p>Other than that, I say you're good!</p>

4

<p>I would say 11 or 12... it's good :)</p>

<p>But one thing I noticed-- in your intro paragraph, you first talked about TS Eliot, then yourself, but in the actual essay you talked about your self first, then the book.</p>

5

<p>I did it that way because I felt it would be easier to merge the last sentence topic with the first paragraph since they are closer.</p>

6

<p>Are you allowed to use first person in your essay?</p>

7

<p>Why not? They say in the prompt that you can use personal examples.</p>

8

<p>You can use personal examples, but I think generally it makes an essay weaker, or at least that what my English teacher told my class. She said that you should always take the 3rd person approach. Personal examples are ok, but I would steer away from them. I didn't read your essay, so I can't tell you if it's workable, or not.</p>

9

<p>I've been told alot so I just write about whatever.</p>

<p>1 teacher - literary examples suk. use 1 personal and 2 history</p>

<p>another - two personal</p>

<p>another - 2 literary </p>

<p>another - no personal</p>

<p>nobody gets it so =)</p>

10

<p>I like using the personal voice, but I have to agree with my teacher, in the respect that it seems weak. You have nothing to back it up with. For all you know, you could be making it up. You could make up the literary or history examples up too, but the chances the grader knowns the example is higher than the personal examples. I like personal examples, don't get me wrong, but I think they focus too much on appealing to pathos than your actual writing.</p>