SAT Pretest Essay 2008-2009

<p>Can you grade my SAT Pretest Essay on a scale of 1-6?</p>

<p>The essay topic:</p>

<p>Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>

<p>Nowadays nothing is private: our culture has become too confessional and self-expressive. People think that to hide one’s thoughts or feelings is to pretend not to have those thoughts or feelings. They assume that honesty requires one to express every inclination and impulse.</p>

<p>Adapted from J. David Velleman, “The Genesis of Shame”</p>

<p>Assignment: Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from
your reading, studies, experience, or observations. </p>

<p>My essay:</p>

<pre><code> Privacy to some people is very important and to others privacy is not very important at all. Some people love to share what they have to say. They state their ideas or thoughts about anything. I think that privacy is not needed when it comes to thoughts and ideas. In fact, I think that it is counterproductive to keep things to oneself. People who keep everything to themselves don't get as far in life as people who speak their mind.

Imagine a relationship between a man and a woman. They tend to not speak much of their thoughts; good or bad. They don't share many ideas with each other and within time their relationship will end. A relationship between two people cannot last if their is too much privacy. They don't talk about problems or and idea that one of them had because they keep it to themselves. Because they did not share thoughts or ideas with each other, their relationship failed. Now imagine a relationship between a man and a woman but this time they tell each other their thoughts and ideas. Their relationship is very strong and they are very happy together. They tell each other positive thoughts and negative as well. Even though they do argue because they share some thoughts that the other may not like, it strengthens their relationship which will make it last longer.

A person who does not speak their mind will not get as far in life as a person who does speak their mind. Visualize a man that is working for a big company. He doesn't have a big roll in the company but he is a hard worker. He has an idea on how to improve the company but he doesn't share it with his boss. That man keeps his job but does not get any higher in the company. If that man had shared his idea he could have impressed his boss and could have gotten a promotion. He was held back in life because he did not share his idea.
</code></pre>

<p>Privacy is something that is very unnecessary in the lives of people. All ideas should be shared with everyone. Sharing ideas and thoughts can keep relationships strong and could push people farther in life. People who keep to themselves have weaker relationships with other people and don't get as far in life as they could. I disagree with the quote: "Our culture has become too confessional and self-expressive." People can never be too self-expressive and they can be even more confessional than they are now.</p>

<p>Maybe a 4?</p>

<p>Using nonspecific instances are okay for maybe one example, so you should try backing up your point with historical references, literature- more tangible examples.</p>