Work, printer.
Iām so stressed out and I feel like thereās no one in my friend circle who cares. None of my friends share my ambitions or passions and none of them have the will to listen to me talk about them, let alone care about them. Itās none of their faults; I just get mad that I didnāt think about this earlier and try to find the money to go to a private school, a better school, where Iād thrive. Iām just sick of being seen as this distant intellectual presence to even my closest friends, and as an object of competition to the class rank-obsessed idiots that swarm my class. Iām sick of being wary about revealing my college list, or even my major, to people who would immediately resent me for being a prestige hound or someone whoās failed to think about their decisions, when Iāve spent hundreds of hours in the past couple years thoroughly planning my future, and theyāre the ones that really need to evaluate themselves.
How am I supposed to shoulder the burden of creating a play or musical when I have no prior experience? How do I write a script and how do I lead my class with this performance? I donāt want to be seen as inadequate or incompetent when I do mess up and in the end, I hope my classmates realize that Iām also fallible and scared. I donāt know exactly what Iām doing either and I hope everything goes all right in the endā¦
Oh man, I hate when someone hints at telling me something, only to nullify their promise of telling me with a ānever mind.ā Even when their change of heart or mind is logical, I canāt help but want to know.
How dare you. HOW DARE YOU. I donāt care how hormonal you are, I donāt care how desperate you are, I donāt care how single you are. At first, I was WILLING to help you. Youāre a jerk, but those kids are worse. I stood up for you. I tried to console you. My sole spiritual beliefs are that all life is sacred and that itās best to protect and save, but donāt count on me caring about yours. Unbelievable. I WARNED you not to make another comment, much less a move, on my friend. Youāve seen me at my angriest before, you KNOW sheās my friend, and you still do something this stupid? This is unacceptable. The only reason you donāt have any permanent injuries yet is because I wasnāt there. Iām mostly full of tough talk, but I would have followed through tonight. Life tip, you little SOB: never pick on a girl, especially one thatās friends with me. Iām so angry. Sheās so scared. Youāve completely ruined school dances for her. I may yell āfight meā a lot, but I seriously would have. Youāre not going to be able to hear out of your left ear on Monday for all the yelling youāre going to get. I was willing to protect you from the jerks on our bus. Now Iām not. Good luck surviving the onslaught of paperwads with staples in them, because Iām not shielding you anymore. Unbelievable. You complain about my stand partner, at least he wouldnāt try to kiss somebody. I donāt care if āqueensā are annoying, youāre worse. You almost moved my mild-mannered, sweet friend to the point of swearing, which she NEVER does. You angered me to the point of swearing in multiple text messages, which I almost never do. Youāre lucky sheās not pugnacious.
I shouldnāt be coming here every day. I should tell people in my life how I feel. But I donāt, and Iām upset that I donāt. And Iām tired of feeling, and Iām tired of everything, and I hate that I miss you, and I hate that I feel scared to be the first to show affection. Iām tired and I thought I would never get another panic attack but I had another one today and I just want it to stop and I just want to be okay again.
In the Parent Cafe version of this thread, the helpful button = hugs. Like this post if youāre comfortable with that; if enough people do so, we could implement that as a way to communicate support while staying within the rules of this thread.
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Well, youāre leaving me too. But better now than later. Better now, when I still am not in love with you, when Iām still guarded, than later, when I will have undoubtedly have been in love with you for a long while.
You can never be ready for something like this. The heart fractures along the same lines each time, it seems.
But maybe Iām already used to this. Even though it hurts the same way, perhaps even more.
do you ever just regret things youāve done in the past?
i regret being disorganized and a disaster in sixth grade and having to go to algebra ia instead of algebra ib.
i regret not studying more in ninth grade history so i could have been put into ap euro instead of cp history
i regret not picking up extra electives ninth grade because now i could have my art requirement done by now instead of filling up my already busy schedule to meet my art requirements.
i regret not quitting swimming earlier because i could have discovered my passions a lot earlier
i regret not trying to be happier
i regret so much sometimes
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7:20 is a terrible start time.
most of my life is going so good; i have the best friends i could have asked for, good grades, and iām accomplishing so much this year. Iām so happyā¦ until i get home. Of course, the worse part of my life, the only cause of my sadness, self-hatred, any ill feelings, is the part i canāt escape. Iāve thought it over, and thereās nothing i can do to escape except wait until i graduate and go off to college. sometimes i lay in my bed at night in fear that youāll just decide itās too much, that you never wanted children, that it would be better to just leave or ātake us out of this worldā. Youāve told us you regret having us as children. I believe you. Thereās no doubt in my mind that you could seriously harm one of us. Sometimes iām scared iāll die young at your hand. You donāt care anymore. You feel no remorse for what you do to us. You think youāre justified. I hate being at home. I hate being around you. And i hate that i need you so much, and love you so much, because youre my only parent. I need you but i need to get away from you. Itās ripping me apart. When your gone at work itās easier to forgot the constant shouting, deriding, you pointing out my flaws, my weight, my acne. The hitting. But when your around, itās easier to remember. Maybe our relationship will be better when i go away to college. But youāll still be the same person, and youāll never see what you are doing you us might ruin our lives, mom.
The worse part is i think iām becoming numb. I donāt feel it anymore, and i donāt know if itās because iāve come to terms with my life and iām happy or something much scarier.
How could you do this to your own children? I will never understandā¦
I wish I could get over a person as easily as you.
You probably need a few talks with your guy friends, a few high-intensity sessions of playing Melee, and boom, the feelings are out of your system.
I wish you could forget me, too. A little bit.
I donāt know. Today is going to be really hard. I canāt talk about this with my friends either, because I wouldnāt be able to handle them caring, then going back into indifference; it takes a span of months, maybe even years for me to adopt that same casual indifference that others have toward people.
I hate this, too. I hope itās not awkward, because truth be told, you were and are the first person I think of when something good (or bad) happens to me - the first person I want to tell. Now that weāre not talking after school anymore, I wonāt be able to do that. Iām too proud to cave and admit that I want to continue, even though I know that I need to stop talking to you after school (itāll help me focus, anyway). Besides, I was the one that you had to hurt; Iām not about to guilt-trip you into making you talk to me after school when you were never invested in it all that much anyway.
God, I just -
I just, I know that I was falling in love with you. I might as well say it here because Iām sure as hell never going to admit nor say it in real life.
Time to put on some Childish Gambino and deal with this shit.
When your whole squad forgets about you and leaves you behind :ā(
How would I describe myself? Initially amicable, later passionate, vulgar, and protective.
I feel like Iāve created an entirely fake persona just to get into college, and I donāt actually know who I am. On my application I seem so sure of myself and I come off as confident and accomplished, but in real life I have no idea what is going on like 99% of the time.
I don't know what you want from me but you better figure it out fast.
I wish things were different between us.
I donāt know anymore ahhh.
//
Iām really anxious about riding with someone I barely know (well, someone in my Leadership class) to school tomorrow just because I get so afraid when I know I have to have conversation with someone and everyone is terrifying to me and I need to show up tomorrow morning but itās just scary for me to talk to people
Stop bumping threads from 2009. This may come as a shock, but OP hasnāt been on this website in over 6 years and will probably never return.
Also, whyād you yell at that poster? They were being courteous, unlike you.
is it too late now to say sorry?
after valentineās day i promise iāll be fine -
i promise i wonāt miss you anymore, i promise iāll stop hoping, i promise iāll stop being the one who cares too much
//
i need to control my anxiety i need to stop overthinking things and i need to stop freaking out -
i got a 12/20 on my latest assignment for chem and iām pretty sure i did that one on the day sat scores came out, the day that i couldnāt stop shaking -
i havenāt been able to stop shaking for prolonged periods of time - except when iām sleeping - for the past two days and i just, i need to be okay