<p>And then my apbio teacher says I always look overtired. <strong><em>. What the *</em></strong> am I supposed to look? How tf am I supposed to change the way my face looks? ****. Cant wait till she goes on her pregnancy leave bc watch me grade go up. Ughhsjsjmssms.</p>
<p>I’m mad at myself. For always wanting to be the creme de la creme, the center of attention, the one who has the light on them all the time. And, I think, while people may like me because I’m confident and all that, I don’t bring out the best in others like other confident people. I hog the spotlight, and make other people recede, feel uncomfortable. I think I need to work on my subconscious.</p>
<p>My biology teacher just gave us an extremely hard biochemistry test!! The hard part about it was that some of it we barely covered. Thank god I still have an a, even if it is an a-, after getting a 78 on it. My multiple a-s this quarter has really inspired to push myself really hard for no a-s second quarter.</p>
<p>9th grade is sooo much harder than 8th grade. I never had to study before!!!</p>
<p>I am so done with my mother. School. This city. This mf country. I am beyond exhausted with everything and everyone and idgaf.
If i had eight classes, i would definitely become depressed bc I cannot.
The worst part of school is that my family doesnt not understand how much work I am doing. And if I was first generation, maybe admissions officers might be more understanding of how hard it is to juggle family expectations and school expectations but I’m not. Most of my family members have gone to college but definitely not the best by far. And now I am trying to make it to the top twenties and my family is making it really hard. School is hard but my family makes school 10x harder. </p>
<p>I cant wait to be done with all of this ****.</p>
<p>Im realizing how much of a loser I am. I see other people my age with a bunch of girlfriends having the time of their lives everyday. My life is nothing compared to theirs. In 2014 i really want to re-create myself. Appearance and personality-for the better.</p>
<p>As a calculus BC student, one does not have any idea how bad it is to be pretty much the only one in the school who really likes calculus. Whenever I mention it I get dirty looks from all the people in cliques and in the non-senior classes below me because those losers are so disrespectful and closed-minded.</p>
<p>Although, I’ve pretty much gotten over it now. As a senior I don’t have long before I’m out, so I’ll just keep angering the cliques for fun.</p>
<p>I agree with jgl5858, I feel like such a loser all of the time, I’m shy and get red all the time when talking to people, hoping for 2014 to be better for me socially. Also stressed lately because I really feel committed to school and being smart but when I come here I see people posting about retaking a 750 on SAT Math II, being mad over a 219 on the PSAT, just so much stuff. Really unconfident about getting into Stanford or MIT, my dream schools. I have straight A’s, but not many exciting competitions or accomplishments really, it sucks alot.</p>
<p>You’re tearing me apart, Lisa.</p>
<p>No, but on a more serious note, I hate how I have no friends. Everyone in my school has such a great social life, and I thought that on CC, I’d find that the majority of people are like me (reserved, socially awkward, etc.). However, a lot of the people here actually have good, if not great, social lives; only a minority are like me. I just don’t have anything in common with the people in my school; most of them are obsessed with sex, football, drugs, and “what Karen did at the party last night.” Almost no one else here cares about academics or shares my passions/interests. I spend weekends alone on account of me having virtually no friends. I guess it’s my fault in a way; when I moved here in third grade, I was a really mean person, and I let that personality carry me through all the way to high school. In high school, I made an attempt to change, and I became much less mean, but I’m still really sarcastic. If I could, I’d go back in time to third grade and tell myself to make friends because I’d be seeing these people almost every day for the next seven years. I’d also tell myself to get up and actually do more productive things as a third grader, such as start learning piano. If I’d started piano in third grade, I may have been really good by now, and I’d be able to list it as a prominent extracurricular when applying to college. I also hate how I have a deathly fear of competition; I like to compete and win, but I have a gripping fear that someone will beat me. That’s why I often shy away from new things so that I can’t lose. I want to break this habit, but I just don’t know where to begin. I also hate how I basically wasted my freshman year; if I’d started my most prominent EC earlier, I’d have finished a significant work by now, and I’d be on my second significant project. I also wish I’d prepared more efficiently for standardized tests, and I wish I’d done USABO and USNCO prep freshman year so that I could’ve taken the exams and maybe even gotten to camp and eventually IBO/IChO in freshman year and, by extension, sophomore year. My poor planning and carrying out of aforementioned poor plans basically have left me in a position where I have only one shot at USABO and USNCO along with a bunch of other major competitions I planned to enter at least twice.</p>
<p>/rant</p>
<p>It seems like no matter how hard I try, I always slip up somewhere. Just once in these four years I wanted to be extraordinary. Not just above average, not just “smart” or “cute” but a real stand out. And I can’t seem to make that happen because I just don’t have the focus. I know how many of you hate having parents who push you 24/7 and have planned your lives out from birth, but there are moments when I’m so jealous of you. Because despite the fact that you feel tired and overworked, at least you have direction, and accomplishments to your name, and one day you’ll be doing great things and you’ll be free. Because it’s all on me and I’m sort of lost, how do I make myself the person I want to be?</p>
<p>@petrawinklevoss same. :(</p>
<p>There are people who think it’s best for me to stay where I’m clearly unhappy. I want to tell them to **** off</p>
<p>Sent from my DROID RAZR using Tapatalk</p>
<p>I should just shoot myself… **** life</p>
<p>I wish I could be perfect man </p>
<p>These CC posts about people’s accomplishments makes me so jealous and then I stop trying because I ask myself what’s the point of trying if there are people better than me </p>
<p>I wish I didn’t quit air cadets yet at the same time I was spending way too much time In the program. Yet I also made a lot of friends in the program… It would have made me stand out man</p>
<p>There’s this girl in my class year and she grabbed all the awards for top academic (which makes sense since she tries so hard) and I try as well and I’m a few percentage points off from her </p>
<p>I wish I had a different English teacher since the one I hate this year makes English so boring; we literally spend entire blocks just reading. I love English that’s why I took accelerated English and took the Provincial exam a year earlier. I want to write yet without a challenging English teacher I don’t find any motivation to write</p>
<p>I wish my parents were more involved in this process; I’m 1st generation Canadian but my parents know nothing about the education system here. I’m thankful they don’t pressure me into going to the Ivy League and all, (it costs too much) but I would like some guidance. My guidance counsellor is pretty nice for tolerating me shooting a billion questions at him, but I feel like he’s trying to keep me in my home province university which is already really good. And I’m most likely going there which isn’t a bad thing. </p>
<p>I wish would be more social; I’m really awkward and I try to be friendly and fill up silent pauses by making conversation and asking questions; but people either don’t answer and try to end the conversation as fast as possible or end up talking on and on about themselves & I’m bored. Both of my friends are a lot social; we used to have a group of people and we split up. My other 2 friends still keep in contact with other groups and I just sit there awkwardly. </p>
<p>I wish I were more fit and exercised more. I wish I were more flexible. Every time we stretch in taekwondo, I can’t ever stretch properly and all the kids are younger than me because I started late bc my parents couldn’t afford any extra lessons for me when I was little. I wish I learned earlier though, so I could actually have accomplishments. I’d love to exercise daily even though I’d feel dead afterwards but I don’t want to give up an hour a day to do so. </p>
<p>I’m sorry to my little brother cause my parents put their hopes and pressures on him since they pretty much gave up on me… </p>
<p>I wish I was in the states maybe so I could take that PSAT or whatever & get national merit but I’m a proud Canadian too </p>
<p>I wish canada had more post secondary programs </p>
<p>I wish I knew what I like to do I mean I enjoy listening to podcasts and learning about things from that I like to learn but I hate memorizing and I dislike how at Chinese school we need to memorize for the majority of the tests</p>
<p>I don’t believe in new year new you because you can change any time but I want to change and I don’t know where or am too lazy to begin </p>
<p>I need to start actually hanging out with people and make the next 2 years worth it instead of studying my butt off
/rant</p>
<p>wow okay I think I scared everyone off sorry</p>
<p>A-hole #1<br>
Dear A-hole,
You’re a prick. Not gonna lie, you’re mad cute, but you’re a prick. You think hanging with A-hole #2 is gonna make you popular? Think it’s gonna give you respect to post some girl’s nudes online? Think it’s gonna make you a better person if you ‘give back’ to the Syrian refugees while messing around in Naz City with hoes like Hoe #1 and #2 while your girlfriend (my friend) is sitting and waiting for you at O’caffe? For *<strong><em>s sake, you’re *</em></strong>ing around with your best friend’s girl while he’s in Canada for the holidays, and then you talk to me 'bout girls nowadays being fake? Look in the goddamned mirror, and btw? Imagine someone doing what you do to your sister? How low can you get? </p>
<p>A-hole #2</p>
<p>Dear sex-obsessed, childhood friend of mine. What the actual **** happened in 2 years? You weren’t like this before. now? You’re smoking, doing drugs, drinking and basically doing the same **** #1 is doing. Your dad’s a *<strong><em>ing college professor have some *</em></strong>ing respect for at least his reputation, if not your own. Don’t flirt with me and comment on every one of my pictures while begging my mate to be your girl, you really think we wouldn’t realize? You really think we wouldn’t notice? Don’t waste your breath on meaningless compliments, you’re gonna need it to blow up your date for tonight. </p>
<p>Hoes #1 and #2</p>
<p>What. The. Hell. Is. Up. #1 I know you’re from a wealthy family, and i know you’re pretty, but you need chill the **** out on Twitter. Who asked for your opinion? Stop calling other girls ’ trashy '. Babe, you the one posting pictures of couples having sex, why you hating on XXX because she decided to go out with #2’s ex boyfriend? #1 I know you are popular and have lots of friends, but don’t hate on me because your ex is a ****twit and decides to follow me around like a stray dog. There are only so many ways I can say I’m not interested in a man whore. </p>
<h1>2 You are the epitome of female stupidity. Spongebob would facepalm at some of the **** you do, and we’re talking about a guy who lives in a pineapple here. Just cause you don’t like your ex-best friend doesn’t mean you gotta ruin the poor girl’s reputation by spreading rumors. She never did anything to you, yet you gotta keep it up. And for God’s sake put some weight on, you weigh like 90 pounds. Geez, you look more like a stick figure than a human being. And STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO WEAR OKAY? I don’t care if you don’t like my ripped jeans, go blow a goat or something. -_-</h1>
<p>Rant = over </p>
<p>Sorry, too many cuss words, but I needed to get this out. Yay for teen drama <em>throws confetti in the air</em></p>
<p>I never knew college apps would drain me so much. Drain me emotionally. Drain my already low self esteem. I don’t even know why I try so hard anymore to get into good schools. Why? So I can suffer more when I get there? Why can’t I just accept the fact that despite trying to challenge myself with hard classes and difficult APs, harder than what most people of my low intellect take, I can never succeed in them? It’s my ego, I know. Maybe I want to prove to my family that I can get into college? Maybe I want to prove to my counselor that even a dumbo like me can get into a great school? Maybe I just want to tell myself that it’s not impossible? That hard work pays off in the end? But how can I do that if I don’t even believe in myself anymore? </p>
<p>You know the week before UC apps were due I came to jazz band rehearsal early and before everyone came I snuck into the bathroom and hid in the corner for a good 15 minutes. It was the morning and I made sure no one could see me. I legit just looked up and cried and asked myself why I push myself so hard. People have it worse, I say. Other people’s parents expect so much of them, I say. Me, all the pressure I have is from myself, I say. All I wanted was a formula. Idk, a formula for success. I see my colleagues doing well, sane and happy with their high grades. They’ll get in to Berkeley or LA, I think. It’ll be easy for them. But even getting a measly B isn’t easy for me. I don’t think I can get in to my “dream” schools. I’m afraid that I work so hard for nothing. </p>
<p>I’m angry that my counselor never helped me when I asked him to help me. I’m angry that he looked down on me when I told him I needed help. I’m angry that he wasn’t honest with me when I asked him for honesty. What kind of counselor are you if you can’t give me good counsel? Aren’t you supposed to give me direct advice instead of turning me away and giving me an ambiguous response that makes me even more confused? </p>
<p>And I’m annoyed by the fact that they all say it’s holistic. I am still a number. I’m annoyed by the fact that I can’t tell them everything. I can’t tell them my hardships without sounding like a sob story. What story do you want to hear? That I’ve overcome adversity? My family on paper looks middle class but when you see our expenses we aren’t middle class. How can I just put my numbers into an application and assume that they’ll know story just by reading a few supplements? </p>
<p>It’ll sound so stupid once April comes along and everything’s over. But I am scared. </p>
<p>endrant</p>
<p>I have a 91% in psychology right now, but I should have a 95.2%. You lost my assignment and I swear I did it.</p>
<p>faggots</p>
<p>post2short, wow it’s not censored nice</p>
<p>I have finally been able to split my college search into two realms:</p>
<p>Colleges I can afford:
Colleges that, if some official in admissions completely messed up by giving me a full tuition/ride after thinking that I spent years feeding blind, starving, African orphans while developing the cure for cancer, I could afford:</p>
<p>This knocks quite a few off of my list who don’t like us middle-class, great stats kids. Goodbye, Purdue. Adios, William & Mary. Thanks for offering people with strong leadership a chance to found a new club at Indiana while they try to keep retention GPA on their scholarship.</p>
<p>Oh, and you schools that flaunt your 100% of need is met policy? Please show me it in action. I may have an EFC of 35000, but that doesn’t mean that a $628 yearly grant from WUSTL is gonna cut it. Just no. And don’t even get me started on a few other nameless schools, who think that by offering PLUS loans in excess of 40K, they suddenly make the net price of the school zero. Nope, not buying it. Take your glossy paper elsewhere.</p>