I have to give a little background for me to share problem.
Middle school (i know, it goes way back): I would say i’m a somewhat talkative person. Like I will talk enough so that there is no awkward silence between us. But if I’m uncomfortable with the person then I will barely talk. I had a decent number of friends in middle school. However, I kept thinking that they didn’t like me or thought that I was annoying. In the back of my mind, I kept feeling like they were just nice to me and not my friends at all. When I went to High school, I wanted to make sure it wasn’t like this.
high school: It was exactly like middle school but worst. My high school is very small and everyone knows each other. This gave me little room to branch out with my friends. There were only certain people that I felt comfortable with. Anyway, I had the same problem here. I kept thinking that people didn’t like me even if they invite me places. I also kept thinking that they would talk about me behind my back. This might be all in my head but I don’t know. I’m scared that this will follow me to college.
I just want a group of friends in college that I feel comfortable with. I want to lose my insecurities. I really cannot be a person with no friends in college. Being social makes me happy. Being around people makes me happy. I forgot about my problems when I am around others. I need friends in college.
Any advice?
It seems like you’ve made friends in both middle school and high school, and people seem to like you if they’re inviting you places. So it’s not that you have trouble making friends. The problems are internal. You think being around people makes you happy, but it also seems to bring feelings of insecurity and self-criticism more often than not. You need to learn to 1. trust that your friends don’t secretly hate you and 2. confront those “problems” that you’re trying to hide from. Colleges often have free counseling services; it might be helpful to talk with someone on ways that you can reduce your discomfort in social situations and gain confidence even when you’re by yourself.
Everyone is looking for new friends when you get to college. Take it at face value – go wherever you are invited (that is safe!), talk to people in your classes, join clubs, and get a part time job. Those are all great ways to meet people that you connect with. Don’t let your inner thoughts undermine you. Agree with onmyway, if you are having the same issue when you get to college, go to the free counseling services on campus.
Does your high school have a school counselor who you feel comfortable confiding in? Is so, this person might be able to help you to work through your anxieties over social situations. If not, talk to your mom or dad about it and ask if they might find a counselor for you to work on this with over the summer.
Also search the College Life threads by other college kids who are struggling with their social life in college and read some of the advice given. A lot of it is excellent.
Just know that to get over this it is going to take some work, it is going to involve breaking out of your comfort zone, and you are going to have to work on changing your perceptions, have more positive self talk about other, and actually trust others. It is going to be challenging but you can do it.
I think you’re a little too concerned with what others think of you and I agree with the others when they say that this “problem” is internal… Just be yourself, be friendly and you’ll find the right group of friends