Not every kid’s experience at home was the same. Some kids worked in person 8+ hours a day (many with the public). Some of them used elevators/stairs every day at work or where they live. Some understand that food doesn’t magically drop from the sky and needs to be purchased and prepared (and participate in both). Some had in person interactions with friends and family members outside their household.
Other kids did not (neither did their parents). And everywhere in between. But whatever your experience may have been, other people may well have had a different one. That likely will influence your view of risks of kid at college.
But were you working from home full time at the same time? That’s the issue for most families (if they are lucky, from home, if not - grandma does the online school?)
My son’s not a freshman, but that’s what he’s doing. We’re blessed in that last fall I bought a new place to live that has several good spaces where he can practice and record music, as well as a very good keyboard for about half of what it’s worth (someone was selling it online; I had no idea at the time how important it would be to have it here!).
But this has been what I’ve been thinking about–how to let an adult (who having already had several years of on-campus college under his belt, was getting used to being one on his own) BE an adult while living with his mother (his father is nearby and we see him often as well) in such restricted circumstances. I try to leave him to his own devices unless he needs something or wants to talk, and he COULD come and go as he pleases…if there were anywhere to go. I told him that we could try to live more as “roommates” than as mother and son, with each taking responsibility for the various things that need to be done. But, having been something of a “hover mother” for a while (he had a really tough time emotionally in middle- and high school), it’s not easy for me to let go a bit more when he’s under the same roof.
Is anyone else in a similar situation? Suggestions? I’m not optimistic that he’ll be returning to Boston in the spring, either.
With high likelihood of virus outbreak on campus, severely curtailed activities, remote classes (a few in-person classes may become remote), prepackaged meals-to-go, and confinement in one’s own room for all practical purposes, I see few reasons to want to live on campus. What am I missing?
It seems like what you’re missing is students who want to return to college or their college town in order to have forbidden gatherings that end up spreading disease.
What your missing,@njparent, for those who have apartments, is a chance to live with friends in another town, to learn how to care for yourself and your apartment, to assume responsibility for pretty much every aspect of your life, from cooking to transportation to banking. Yes, it could all be done at home, but very few make that full transition to adulthood living with mom.
Plus any additional activities the college town offers consistent with local regulations-there may be beaches or hiking or other things available near college, not near home. Museums might open. The weather might be better. There are lots of reasons people like to move away in ages 18-22.
I too told my college kids I would respect their space, and so far pretty easy. House rules apply of course— for example, if you make a mess, you clean it up. That’s just a courtesy when you live with anybody. Really no place to go, so if we can get along with each other, it’s bonus time, an opportunity to learn more about each other. I find myself stepping back, observing, keeping in mind the motto: when necessary, gently guide, don’t control. I have found this really liberating and not too stressful. We appreciate we are lucky to have a safe place and chance to do that because we know many do not. Funny though—when I left to walk the dog, they were looking for me and texted, “Where are you mom?” I have rediscovered books I have been meaning to read, and I do that while they visit online with friends. If there is an errand to do, or a meal to prepare, I remind myself there are people here who can now share that work And they seem proud to help (usually!) rather than put-upon. And we share fun too. Providing a feeling of security I think is helpful, also listening a lot, for these students who had planned to head off and now experience the angst of uncertainty.
My son is a sophomore at Colby. Three out of four of his classes are in person at the moment. He will have a roommate. He just sent in his covid testing and plans to move in on Monday. He will quarantine in his dorm for 24 hours awaiting second test results then will be able to move about the campus with masks and social distancing. I will update how it goes. As has been posted on here already, Colby is testing a lot throughout the semester. Parents can not enter dorms to help with move in which I think makes a lot of sense. I watched a zoom call last week and was impressed with the detail of this plan.
True, I only worked part time, but homeschooling doesn’t take up much of the day. In fact, it could be done after work or on weekends if one desires. One could do it year round to lessen the hours during the other moths. The school schedule is one’s to create. It’s really not that difficult, especially with quality curriculum (the options are endless). Many, many people supplement public school education with “afterschooling.” And the parents who are creating pods, that are working from home, if they have a decent teacher and quality curriculum, paying those pod teachers may be well worth their investment long-term.
Luckyjade2024: It’s true, your list of items one through nine, but not exactly so this fall—because those experiences include Covid. All the items on your list will be modified. It is a very personal choice. I’m not trying to talk you out of it, but 1NJParent has a point. It’s not the same. It’s not what you dreamed, worked, planned for. That’s not your fault and that’s not to say that it won’t be your way one day. There are plenty of risks in the world, some avoidable and some not. And each has their own taste for risk.
@roycroftmom Yes, I understand a college student’s desire to be independent, to live away from his/her parents. I was specifically referring to on-campus living in dorms. Living with friends in an apartment as a young adult is an entirely different matter and it has nothing to do with colleges.
@massmom2018 rooting for Colby! I’m a little worried because Colby has those dorms in town and off campus which seems like a place where things could go wrong. I’m not as concerned about in-person class because there will be distancing and masks. I hope all of the stories about other schools having difficulties will keep kids at the NESCACs from repeating those mistakes.
Colby and Bates complete move in just a few days before Bowdoin kids get to campus. It’s all going to get real in Maine very soon.
It has everything to do with colleges, @njparent. Tens of thousands of college students will be moving into apartments with leases they have in their college towns ; others are taking leases in a different town to try NYC or SF or the mountains for fall term, since once college is online, it can be done from anywhere. Unless cost constraints apply, many do not choose to remain in their childhood bedroom at 18. Online college frees them of geographic constraints.
I have rediscovered books I have been meaning to read, and I do that while they visit online with friends. If there is an errand to do, or a meal to prepare, I remind myself there are people here who can now share that work 
).