score my essay,please

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<p>"Is creativity more needed than ever?" (Sth. like this..)</p>

<p>Human beings have been creating new things throughout the history. From the crude stone tools used by our ancestors to the advanced technologies used today, various inventions guarantee the quality of our lives. However, nowhere in the history has creativity been so important as it is nowadays.
Creativity enjoys an increasing importance, because competition is getting fiercer. Decades ago, Microsoft almost ruled the world of computers, for there were no other companies existing. However, as its archenemies like Google, Yahoo, Apple and so on rose from the horizon, competition became cutthroat. If these companies were just the same, they would share the same amount of profit. However, this is not what they want. Every company wants to grab more from the market; they want to defeat one another, so they need to be the best, to create something different. Therefore, companies try any way that they think of to encourage innovation. Google, for example, designates one of the five workdays as a “free” day, in which the staff works on self-designed projects. Creativity is needed than ever because the rivalry, the necessity to stand out from the crowd is more urgent than ever.<br>
Meanwhile, as human beings have a growing demand of a better life, they always long for something new to oust the outdated and to solve current problems. Doctor Yuan Longpin, the Chinese scientist, worked for 20 years to grow a special breed of hybrid rice, which has high productivity, and can eliminate hunger for 20 million people in the world. What Doc. Yuan has invented is a breakthrough of traditional farming technology, and Doc. Yuan was awarded a Nobel Prize. Years ago, there was no need for any scientist to spend 20 years working on a new technology to breed rice. However, as both the population of human beings and the problems associated with the population increased, the need to create something new to improve life has been stronger than ever.
In the end, we need creativity today because some old methods of living are no longer applicable. Fossil fuel is running out; clean water is in shortage; air pollution is threatening the environment…can we just let it be and live in our old way? No! Otherwise our ecosystem will be totally ruined and we will die out. We have to make a difference, and create new means to save the resources. Creativity is more in need than ever, for now it has become a matter of survival.</p>

<p>I welcome harsh comments. Please be frank,and tell me what I should do to improve.
Thank you so much.</p>

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<p>anyone?????????????????</p>

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<p>Overall, I thought it was quite good, and if you can reproduce that under the pressure of the 25-minute-deadline, you should do a helluva lot better than I did... Nevertheless, I do have some criticisms:</p>

<p>"Creativity enjoys an increasing importance, because..."
there should be NO comma (I'm obsessed with grammar)</p>

<p>"if these companies were just the same"
that doesn't make sense to me -switch it up a little, you have to learn to b.s., like </p>

<p>"If companies were content with sharing the consumer scene, they would perhaps make equal amounts of profit, and the competive market as we know it would come to a halt. However, this is not their mentality. They bla bla bla"</p>

<p>"Creativity is needed than ever because the rivalry, the necessity to stand out from the crowd is more urgent than ever."
That is a lovely ending sentence =)</p>

<p>"Meanwhile, as human beings have a growing demand of a better life"
should be "....demand FOR a better..." (grammar obsession again)</p>

<p>Okay, your ending paragraph: "In the end, we need creativity today because some old methods of living are no longer applicable...."
"in the end" is not a good start for a concluding paragraph. I've heard that graders frown on any version of "in conclusion."
More importantly, though, the conclusion should not bring up new points, it should WRAP UP and restate your former paragraphs. Instead, you completely ignore the first point you discussed - that utilizing creativity in business is necessary to survival in the competitive market. Instead, the end paragraph sounds like an out of place environmental rant. (sorry) I would move some of that over to the previous paragraph, and do a quick, couple sentence wrap-up, like:</p>

<p>Looking at our world both economically and ecologically (gotta love big words), creativity has never been more imperative to survival than in today's world. Whether it be to come up on top in the business game, or simply to find a way of conserving our resources for the next generation, it is imperative that our society learn to think outside of the old-world box if we hope to solve tomorrow's problems.</p>

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<p>glimmerglassgirl,thank you so much..but here is sth. that I want to discuss with you a little bit...
the last paragraph is NOT a conclusion.It's my third argument...I shouldn't use the phrase "in the end" to confuse the readers, but actually I don't know this phrase refers to a conclusion..What about just replacing "in the end" with "thirdly"..?Dose it sound better?
is it okay that an essay ends without an overall summary?????like mine???</p>

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<p>OHHH okay sorry about that! Yeah, replacing "in the end" with thirdly would clarify that, I think. As for not having an overall summary, like I said, I'm a big grammar loyalist, and technically, I think a good essay always has an intro, body, and conclusion.
Good luck, btw!</p>