Score my essay, please!

<p>First off, I have to come clean. As many of you will notice, the example I used in my essay is complete fiction. However, the college board people say they don't care much about the veracity of SAT essays and I think it's pretty established that they pretty forgiving within this regard.</p>

<p>The essay itself filled about a page and a half. I only had two paragraphs, a thesis and one example paragraph (pretty bad, I know). I also only used one long-ish example (which I personally thought was good, even if it is made up).</p>

<p>Rate it on a scale of 12 and give your pointers and critiques. Thank you all in advance.</p>

<p>Here goes:</p>

<p>Prompt 1
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below. It is better to try to be original than to merely imitate others. People should always try to say, write, think, or create something new. There is little value in merely repeating what has been done before. People who merely copy or use the ideas and inventions of others, no matter how successful they may be, have never achieved anything significant.</p>

<p>Assignment:
Is it always better to be original than to imitate or use the ideas of others? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<hr>

<p>Here is the essay:</p>

<p>It is almost an axiomatic fact that original thought is the only way to innovation and success. In fact, most, if not all, modern scientific breakthroughs came about as a direct result of peoples courage to think outside the box.</p>

<p>One lucid example of this is the advent of the internet. In 1973, two men, a junior CIA analyst and and a Stanford Computer Science Ph.D student, wrote a report outlining the US military's shortcomings in it ability to transfer large amounts of information in small amounts of time. The report said that these shortcomings debilitated the US armed forces' decision-making cycle. It warned that, in the event of a war with the USSR, this could very well lead to an across-the-board failure of the US armed forces to mobilize to confront the threat. The report recommended that the Pentagon begin investing in a "networked" computer system that would allow for large volumes of information to be passed along different branches of the US armed forces in short amounts of time. The idea was met with a storm of criticism from the US military was, which at the time, known for its relative conservatism when it came to battlefield decision-making. Although the project had received funding, it had only received a small amount. It was not until several breakthroughs did the project receive significant support. Had the two analysts stuck to conventional thought, the internet would have never came about.</p>

<p>Please give me some pointers on how to write faster and longer. My essays always come out short. I usually spend a fair amount of time making up the examples I use in the essays so if you can point me towards some good sources of versatile examples, that would be grate.</p>

<p>This was my first attempt at practicing SAT essays, do you think I can practice enough to get at least an 8 by the June SAT? Or should I aim for lower?</p>

<p>I think you need to research some examples so that you don’t spend more than a couple of minutes thinking up examples and have more time to do the actual writing. What classical books/movies have you read/watched, and what examples from history can you think of? If you don’t know many, try and learn about some before the SAT.</p>

<p>P.S. Good luck for the June SAT - I’m taking it too :).</p>

<p>^ How would you rate me on a scale of 12?</p>

<p>I’ve read a few books people usually recommend for the SAT like 1984 and The Great Gatsby. This essay came out shorter than usual because I had trouble trying to integrate my pre-prepared examples into the thesis.</p>

<p>Do you think I could practice to get at least an 8 by June?</p>

<p>I’m going to be honest here and say that you probably wouldn’t recieve anywhere near an 8 for this essay, but that’s only because it’s short. With a lot of hard work (there’s only a week to go before the SAT), I think you’d have a good chance at an 8 on the actual test. I would advise that you read the first post of this thread:</p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-write-12-essay-just-10-days.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-write-12-essay-just-10-days.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>and go to the last page for a post on the list of examples you can try to learn. (I’ve been having trouble with them as well).</p>

<p>Best of luck.</p>

<p>P.S. Out of curiosity, where did you hear that the College Board didn’t care about the veracity of essay examples?</p>

<p>There were a couple of articles about it in the NY Times and LA Times.</p>

<p>Let me quote the NY Times one for you:</p>

<p>He was also struck by all the factual errors in even the top essays. An essay on the Civil War, given a perfect six, describes the nation being changed forever by the “firing of two shots at Fort Sumter in late 1862.” (Actually, it was in early 1861, and, according to “Battle Cry of Freedom” by James M. McPherson, it was “33 hours of bombardment by 4,000 shot and shells.”)</p>

<p>Dr. Perelman contacted the College Board and was surprised to learn that on the new SAT essay, students are not penalized for incorrect facts. The official guide for scorers explains: "Writers may make errors in facts or information that do not affect the quality of their essays. For example, a writer may state ‘The American Revolution began in 1842’ or ’ “Anna Karenina,” a play by the French author Joseph Conrad, was a very upbeat literary work.’ " (Actually, that’s 1775; a novel by the Russian Leo Tolstoy; and poor Anna hurls herself under a train.) No matter. “You are scoring the writing, and not the correctness of facts.”</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/04/education/04education.html[/url]”>http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/04/education/04education.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>PS: Thanks for the advice. I would still like to know how much you think I would score for this essay, though.</p>

<p>Any body else wanna score and give me some pointers, examples I could use, etc.?</p>

<p>Anyone else? Please?</p>

<p>Come on… 81 views and just one person answered?</p>

<p>Probably a 6 or 7. The bulk of your second body paragraph is mostly devoted to giving background on your example and you only slightly relate it to the topic. I don’t think it’s a very strong example, anyway; the best examples are often true ones, but that’s beside the point. It definitely needs to be longer, it’s proven that there is a positive correlation between essay length and score, so you should work on your timing.</p>

<p>And btw, thanks for ruining the ending to Anna Karenina for me lol</p>

<p>Thank you for your feedback, Paved. I really appreciate it. I’m sorry that I ruined the book for you. :P</p>

<p>Would anyone else like to give feedback?</p>