<p>In considering the issue of weather we should be original or imitate others,many people assume that success can be approached in a single,ossified way.However,surfing through "History",and "Technology",I am inclined to believe otherwise.I bleieve in the fact that an ordeal can be approached in a surfeit of ways.Hence,being original is the best of those ways to achieve success.</p>
<pre><code>Before going further,one point must be clarified; Why is originality the best route to success? Rosa parks originality in dealing with racism cogently answers the question in hand. During the 1900 ,most of the African Americans adopted racism as an mundane situation.Parks,however,refused to comply.she believed that she had to approach the ordeal in her own way.Thus,when the bus driver demanded her to give up her seat,she was the first to say "NO".As a result of her action,Other African Americans where galvanized into ending bus sagregation.Only by being original was she able to end Bus segregation.
Another example which espouses my point of view is the famous writer "J.D.Salnger".Salinger was one of the writers who,by using his own,unprecedented way,achieved his position as a perverse celebrity.Unlike other contemporary writers,Salinger had his own ways of establishing himself as a celebrity.He,for instance,refused to comunicate with his readers;he refused that his books written between 1951 and 1960 be published in anthologies;his books contained neither advertisment nor biographical information"moreover,at one stage of his life,he stopped puplishing the books hat the wrote.Those actions established him as one of the most perverse celebrities of his time.In other words,His originality ensured him success.
A third example which fosters my opinion is Google inc.Google inc. has suffered few pitfalls since it went to work in the late 1960s.Unlike other companies,Google solved the problem of assessing search quality by pointing the number of links referring to a certain page as an indicator of the number of people who find this page valuble.Surprisnigly,Google's search results became far more accurate than other companie's results.Hence.Google achieved superiority only by using its own way.
After carefull analysis of Rosa Parks,J.D.Salinger,and Google inc.,one can see that originality is,indeed,a sure root to success.If parks,Salinger,Or Google hadn't been original,they wouldn't have achieved success
</code></pre>
<p>In considering the issue of weather we should be original or imitate others,many people assume that success can be approached in a single,ossified way.However,surfing through “History”,and “Technology”,I am inclined to believe otherwise.I bleieve in the fact that an ordeal can be approached in a surfeit of ways.Hence,being original is the best of those ways to achieve success.</p>
<pre><code>Before going further,one point must be clarified; Why is originality the best route to success? Rosa parks originality in dealing with racism cogently answers the question in hand. During the 1900 ,most of the African Americans adopted racism as an mundane situation.Parks,however,refused to comply.she believed that she had to approach the ordeal in her own way.Thus,when the bus driver demanded her to give up her seat,she was the first to say “NO”.As a result of her action,Other African Americans where galvanized into ending bus sagregation.Only by being original was she able to end Bus segregation.
Another example which espouses my point of view is the famous writer "J.D.Salnger".Salinger was one of the writers who,by using his own,unprecedented way,achieved his position as a perverse celebrity.Unlike other contemporary writers,Salinger had his own ways of establishing himself as a celebrity.He,for instance,refused to comunicate with his readers;he refused that his books written between 1951 and 1960 be published in anthologies;his books contained neither advertisment nor biographical information"moreover,at one stage of his life,he stopped puplishing the books hat the wrote.Those actions established him as one of the most perverse celebrities of his time.In other words,His originality ensured him success.
A third example which fosters my opinion is Google inc.Google inc. has suffered few pitfalls since it went to work in the late 1960s.Unlike other companies,Google solved the problem of assessing search quality by pointing the number of links referring to a certain page as an indicator of the number of people who find this page valuble.Surprisnigly,Google's search results became far more accurate than other companie's results.Hence.Google achived superirity only by using its own way.
After carefull analysis of Rosa Parks,J.D.Salinger,and Google inc.,one can see that originality is,indeed,a sure root to success.If parks,Salinger,Or Google hadn't been original,they wouldn't have achieved success
<p>You have numerous spelling/capitalization/punctuation errors (and I mean a lot), but I’m not going to go into that because I’m sure you can fix it. </p>
<p>At times I felt like your word choice was a little labored… for example, “surfeit” and “ossified” in the first paragraph. I think you could have used different words that could have been just as or more effective.
“However, surfing through ‘History’, and ‘Technology’, …” - you really could find a more suitable word than “surfing.” Plus, your punctuation and capitalization there really need help. </p>
<p>Honestly, I think the last three sentences of your intro could be condensed into something like “numerous examples from history support the viewpoint that…” or SOMETHING. I just don’t think it’s necessary to write something like “I am inclined to believe otherwise.” Overall, your intro doesn’t tell me all that much, and in most high-scoring essays that I’ve seen (even though I hate this technique in normal essay-writing), the person writes something like “example 1, example 2, and example 3 show that…” That also keeps you from having to write “Another example that supports my opinion is that” over and over.
“Before going further … success?” That sentence is not necessary. The entire point of the essay is to answer that question, and it sounds redundant after the last sentence of the first paragraph.
Second paragraph - no quotes around a person’s name. Again, numerous punctuation errors. In my opinion, your use of “perverse” kind of makes your point sort of ambiguous. Maybe “unconventional.”
Third - I dunno where you got that information from, but Google so did not start in the 1960s. More like the late 1990s. Though, I suppose that doesn’t really matter as long as you get your point out.
Your conclusion - I think it could be more well developed. Your last sentence made me say “okay?” because it really wasn’t anything new and was actually pretty redundant.
So yeah, just a few suggestions. I think your examples are great, it’s just that they’re not structured exceptionally well.</p>
<p>thank u alot for your advice,i will consider it alot in my new essays,i believe that i have a big problem in my sentence structure and i have beeen trying to solve this problem but i couldnt :(</p>
<p>By the way those punctuational and spelling mistakes are only because of writing on a computer,but i don’t experience those mistakes while writing on a paper …</p>