screwed up in research and getting recommendations-- help!

Graduate School
1

<p>I want to apply to a PhD in the US in the sciences, and in a bit of a pickle, regarding recommendations. </p>

<p>I do not have strong references. I barely have anybody to ask for a reference. I worked briefly at a research lab with a well-known professor, but I did not interact with him much (worked directly with grad student), and did not accomplish much anyway. I have my own personal issues (depression, anxiety-- I went to therapy and got on medication). However, partially due to those, I went MIA because I thought I couldn't handle life, and then essentially got dropped from the lab (basically, he sent an email out to the lab saying that if you're not sending regular updates, he can't support us. and then my picture and name disappeared from the lab website). I was only in touch with the grad student, and he said that he is really busy and maybe this lab isn't right for me, so I officially quit then (even though I had basically already been dropped). </p>

<p>This is the only research experience I have. I hesitate to even put it on my resume because I feel I can't get any recommendation from it, but then I'll have no research experience. </p>

<p>Recently I interviewed for a job that was exactly the things I did in lab, so I put that experience on. Turns out, employers knew my professor, and contact him about me. From the sound of it, he actually gave a positive review about me-- I don't know much, but the interviewer said the prof said I was smart, at least. I did not end up getting the job, for whatever reason though. </p>

<p>My dilemma... do I contact the professor and ask for a recommendation? I feel like I really messed up by essentially disappearing, and having no contact with him afterwards. I didn't do anything notable in my "research", which was essentially doing grunt-work for the grad student. I didn't even go in that often. I feel also feel embarrassed to contact the grad student because I really screwed up, and he really did try to help me, but I was just a disappointment and didn't do anything right. </p>

<p>However, people, including my professor know that I am bright. I wrote a good review article as my test to get into the lab, and during my only actual meeting meeting with the professor, I was able to state my opinions and even disagree with him, and he said he respected that. </p>

<p>I just feel like such a disappointment, and I feel embarrassed to even ask for a recommendation. But I really need it. If I do ask him, should I address what happened? Should I explain my mental health issues, or is that unnecessary and weird?</p>

<p>In a similar but less extreme situation, I asked another professor for a general recommendation for a summer research program, which I did not get. However, I have not contacted her nor officially thanked her in half a year. Again, this is due to my anxiety, feeling like a failure and being embarrassed, and also wanting to wait for some "good news" to tell her about my life (ie getting another job), but that's not coming anytime soon. How do I get back in contact with her? I'll need a more specific form of the recommendation for grad school soon, and I really liked her as a teacher (no I was not close to her). Again, should I explain my personal issues, or just leave it be?</p>

<p>This is causing me a lot of stress, and thanks in advance for any advice!</p>

<p>P.S. More about me: I graduated, so no more opportunities for free student research positions or more recommendations. Have been searching for jobs for months, and it doesn't seem to be coming. I cannot afford to take more classes, nor get get an advanced degree without full financial support (hence why masters is less of an option). Due to my introversion, depression, and anxiety, I am not close to any professors-- so these are the closest to me, if you can even call it that.</p>

2

<p>Please don’t think of yourself as a failure - you had a rough time, got help, and are looking toward the future. Try to contact the old prof. that once wrote you a recommendation - she was one of your UG profs right? Are you near the school so that you can see them in person? If not, see if anything happened in her life (she got published, wrote a book, went somewhere cool, was written about on your school’s website, whatever) and email her something like “Congratulations on your publication in <em>, your work on </em> was really <em>. I really enjoyed your class on </em>(that stuff). I feel horribly remiss for not properly thanking you for the last LOR you wrote me. Thank you so much for you time and effort during the busy school year, even though I did not get the position. I am preparing to apply to graduate school soon, and I was wondering if you could write me another LOR…” In all likelihood, if she wrote you a positive LOR in the past, she wouldn’t mind getting this email (fingers crossed. However, it is bad form not to thank a person for a LOR - but, don’t beat yourself up about it - you can’t change the past). I wouldn’t include the mental health issues with this prof. Now, the old PI, hm… Anyone else have any suggestions? I don’t know what is the best way to approach this. But IMHO, I think you need to use this research experience if you want to get into grad school this coming season (I would recommend delaying grad school and keep trying to a tech job, which would make this research experience much less important to grad school apps) Also, don’t you need three LORs for most grad programs (at least I did)? Do you have a third? If you get a job, that could be your third. Or do you have any other profs you can think of from UG?</p>

3

<p>Thanks, your advice helps a lot and makes sense. Yes, any advice about my old PI would be greatly appreciated-- this is the cause of the greatest amount of stress. </p>

<p>I believe I have a few other choices for the 3rd letter of rec, but they would be very generic, and will only speak of me doing well in the class. I’ll take what I can get, I suppose. Also, the PI issue is coming back to bite me even for my other recommendations…they always ask for a CV, such as the case of my other LOR writer. I was unsure whether I could include my research experience on it, especially since I was unsure if the PI could give me a recommendation, and I didn’t want her to mention the research experience in HER letter, – wouldn’t it look terrible on grad school apps to show you have research experience and have it mentioned in other letters, but not have a letter from the PI?</p>

<p>Again, this issue is coming back to haunt me:

  1. For the letter I already have-- she’s reviewed my CV before, when I was still working at my PI’s lab, and we even talked about it a bit. When I asked for the LOR, I took it any mention of it off, and it must have seemed very suspicious.
  2. I actually asked another professor I know only from class to write me a letter. He agreed, but says he could only speak about my performance in the class-- he needed to see my CV and know about my research and work experience. I sent it to him (sans mention of my only research experience), and I never heard back. Again, I dropped the ball on this one, but I was just really ashamed to have such a barebones resume. Anyway, this professor doesn’t matter too much because I’ve since done well in other classes and can get an equally generic letter from them-- I just really need to resolve this PI issue, however that may be, and move forward from there.</p>

<p>By the way, yes, agree that I should wait to apply for grad school to get more experience, and that was the original plan. But job market is tough, especially for someone who has so little experience, and I am running out of money and options-- short of working in food service, which will not help my application. I am going to apply to grad school this coming season, regardless if it’s the optimal thing to do in terms of getting into a decent program.</p>

<p>P.S. Just for clarification, when I went “MIA” at the lab, I was not admitted to a hospital or anything dramatic. I essentially just curled up in a ball on my bed for a semester, and continued with my coursework. There is really little record of this happening, which I’m not sure is a good or bad thing. Just trying to get all the information out there for people to get a clear view of my situation and hopefully offer advice.</p>

4

<p>in my opinion, with only one research experience where you did not even go in that much, or take ownership of the project, you will be hard pressed to get accepted to a decent phd program. Especially without three stellar recommendations. </p>

<p>I would save your money from application/gre/etc and work as a tech. I know you say that you are having trouble finding a job, but perhaps if you email either of the two people you are talking about and see if they have any leads. I would put your experience on your cv, as you can explain that you had mental health issues that are now under control, although it seems like your PI seems to be giving you an okay recommendation.</p>

5

<p>I agree with EC. Right now, you need a positive research experience where you can prove yourself, not just to get into a PhD program but also to excel in one. You don’t seem confident enough to tackle the kind of research you will need to perform as a grad student. Of course, you can try and see what happens. </p>

<p>As for the LOR writers, it is critical that you outline your current ambitions in a positive way and explain why you have chosen this path. (Hint: the inability to get a job is NOT a good reason.) If you can have an articulate conversation about your field and your plans with your LOR writers, either in person or by phone, then you will likely get a better LOR. Do not under any circumstances discuss your mental health or offer excuses; apologies, if appropriate, can be offered as long as they don’t go on so long as to be groveling. A simple, “I feel guilty that I never thanked you for my last letter of recommendation – I really appreciated it,” will suffice.</p>

6

<p>Don’t beat yourself up. Undergrads often do things like disappear for weeks at a time and fail to really understand their projects. At this point you don’t have much of a research background and would have difficulty getting into a decent graduate program. You might be well served by continuing your job search for a lab tech position. As a tech, the research you are doing is your full time job and it is impossible not to focus your efforts on that and be a contributing member of the lab. Your supervisor or PI as well as collaborating PIs will be able to serve as recommenders and you will be able to put your youthful irresponsibility behind you.</p>

<p>You mentioned having no luck with the job hunt. Have you applied more broadly to state department’s of public health (every state has one), biotech companies, many universities, colleges etc? I know it can be tempting to focus just on jobs posted on university HR sites but those are often posted only once the lab has somebody they want to hire and are just fulfilling a policy requirement. Send emails to PIs about their work and inquire about possibly working for them as a tech on a specific project. Many PIs will ignore your email or mention some bs about needing to go through HR, but your first boss won’t do that.</p>