<p>Hi-
Just finished reading another post similar to what Im going to write and that posting gave me courage to go ahead and ask for advice here.</p>
<p>So, D has returned home for the summer after being out of state for her first year of college. She specifically went to this college because of an engineering program there- only about thirty schools in the nation are specifically accredited for this engineering program. She was awarded a small scholarship, renewable every year, as long as she maintained a B avg.</p>
<p>During her last three years of high school she struggled with depression after a friend died. Horribly painful time; wouldnt wish it on anyone. She did get counseling and went on medication for depression. She also is prone to anxiety. Additional information to add to the mix is that our oldest daughter has always been an academic star and youngest D was regularly reminded of this throughout middle and high school.</p>
<p>Ds first semester of college was challenging with the adjustment, course-load, etc., but she pulled 2 Bs and 2 Cs. Pretty good considering the program and being almost a thousand miles away. She repeatedly said how much she loved the area, the college, and the people she was meeting. After returning to school post- Christmas break, she decided (on her own and without informing us) that she didnt need medication. She told us (later) that she didnt like the idea of needing anti-depressant medication. </p>
<p>Add in to the mix (unbeknownst to us) that she was questioning the choice of her major. We brought her home over spring break, even though it wasnt in our plans financially; hubby could tell that she needed to be here. She never mentioned that she was struggling, nor did she say anything when we talked on the phone or skyped. For the three weeks after spring break we received increasingly frantic phone calls and we listened and helped her problem solve; she decided that she needed to go back on medication and see a counselor, which she did follow through on. Then, due to a too rapid upping of her depression medication, she had a full-blown panic/anxiety attack. Apparently, this can happen when on this medication if youre prone to anxiety. Talking with her over the phone and assessing the situation, we could tell something was very wrong and were able to catch a flight to see her for a four day weekend.</p>
<p>During that visit she talked about coming home after the year and transferring to a school closer to home. We spent the weekend listening to her and being as supportive as possible so she could sort out her thoughts without pressure from us. As we spent time talking, the only thing she didnt like about the school was the major. By the end of the visit she had calmed considerably and decided to change her major; she just couldnt envision herself being an engineer. She became proactive about getting information about other majors and talking with advisors this proactive approach was different for her, as compared to her last years in high school. She saw the counselor weekly until the end of the semester. We thought all was back on track and she repeatedly thanked us for going to be with her, stating that we dont know how much it meant to her. </p>
<p>Fast forward to now. We just saw her second semester grades. One incomplete and three Fs. We were stunned (expecting Cs at the least) and asked her- how did that happen? She said she didnt expect Fs. When we asked how is it possible to be failing classes and not know that, she said that she hadnt told us just how bad it had been for her since the beginning of February. Apparently she spent a lot of time in her dorm room and barely went to class second semester. She was basically immobilized, and that is why she was so grateful to us for flying out to see her. She didnt even tell her best friend here back home how bad it was for her. Nor did she confide in her boyfriend who attends college in another state. Hubby and I are the only ones who know what has happened with her. She is now on academic probation. </p>
<p>One thing I told her as we talked is that all options are staying on the table and that the most important thing now is for her to get healthy. She is on antidepressant medication and has taken responsibility since being home for making doctor appointments and a first counseling appointment, interviewing for a second parti-time summer job, etc. Point being that her thinking is clear and she is functioning better. As we talked it also became clear that she has good insight in terms of issues she needs to deal with, and is motivated to deal with them. We werent seeing this in her previous counseling stint. One of her issues is confidence in herself. </p>
<p>Hubby and I havent told her this yet (because we just found all this out this week and it has been a roller coaster ride) but part of the condition of her going back to school in the fall- IF she returns- will be determined by her progress in counseling and her willingness to take a lighter class load. We have discussed between the two of us the possibility of her taking a semester off and returning in the spring, or taking a full year off. Like I said, all options are on the table. We arent trying to be secretive, but do want to approach this with her having given some serious thought as to how to proceed, before talking more. And, as I said earlier, what is most clear to me is that her well-being and health must be the priority.</p>
<p>Ideas? What do we need to be thinking about and considering? If any of you have gone through this with your child and come out the other end, Id appreciate your insights.</p>