<p>Several parents have been so helpful to me as we go through this process and I really thank everyone for their support. My 13 yr old son has gone from not ever having heard of BS in Oct to now being comfortable with the idea of living on his own and does not seem phased about the thought of moving away. His attitude is "I can come home on the weekends if I need to" since he is applying to schools within 1 hr of our home. He seems interested in the larger schools since they have the huge impressive science centers. He looks at the websites and brochures and eliminates schools that I thought would be more nurturing/better for a shy kid. He can't or won't articulate to us why he is choosing one school over another to interview/apply to...</p>
<p>Problem is I am having second thoughts as a parent. I have posted before that DS is somewhat shy, very smart in science/math/computers. He plays recreational hockey, piano and is big into boy scouts. Nothing here that would make him instantly popular in high school. The mom in me is getting worried about him making friends. Also, if he is living away will he tell us if he is having trouble socially? He doesnt like to complain to us when things are tough for him. In his current charter school he made friends but all the kids are smart and into science/math/computers just like him. It seems like BS kids are more into sports and DS is not a varsity athlete. </p>
<p>Are there any parents of current BS students who had second thoughts like this when apps were due for their child? Any advice? TIA!</p>
<p>Well, I'm not a parent so this information isn't going to be from a parents point of view but here are my thoughts:
Let him apply, you still have 2 months until decisions are out, and then 1 more before you have to make your own decision. Because of this, he has time to re-think his decisions and maybe think about not wanting to go after all. </p>
<p>Definitely go to the revisit days of all the schools he gets into. He will be able to go around to classes with the students that he would be in school with (I know this is how most schools do the revisit days) and so he will be able to see what the students are like. If he doesn't like the students (thinks they're too sporty, ect..) then he can again, rethink his decision. </p>
<p>Overall, submitting the applications is far from making a final decision, you still have three months to think it over and change your mind, but if you don't submit the aps, then you have no chance of changing your mind. </p>
<p>I say, submit the aps, and then think really hard about the decision.</p>
<p>Starz27: thanks for the opinion and esp the info about revisit days. I did not know that the kids go around to classes with the actual kids that will be in their 9th grade class. That's great! That will really help DS get a feel for a school and see if it's a good fit for him. </p>
<p>It's not my DS that's having second thoughts- it's just me and I have NOT told DS about my worries. I think a lot of it is the letting go, leaving the nest type thing parents have to deal with in life. That's why I posted it here in the parents forum. I'm trying to see how much of this is letting go anxiety and if other parents went through it too.</p>
<p>However, any input from students, like yourself is welcome too!!!! Thanks again Starz27!</p>
<p>These are my thoughts as a parent of a 9th grader in her first year at boarding school.....</p>
<p>While starz27 is not a parent, his/her advice is very good. Keep focused on the application process, wait to see where your son gets acceptances, and DEFINITELY do the revisit days. </p>
<p>If your son has friends at his current school, I feel pretty sure he will make friends at boarding school. Most of the students will be into the academic side of boarding school. They are dedicated, motivated teenagers who had to work hard to get into the schools. And, if he is not that into sports, many schools offer a variety of fitness activities, including yoga, dance, individual workout training, rock/wall-climbing, etc. So, at many schools, there is bound to be something that he will enjoy!</p>
<p>Your second thoughts are natural...if he is still motivated and interested in attending, I think it will all work out. Of course, at some point in boarding school, all kids will have some problems, just like they would if they were in high school at home with you.</p>
<p>Thanks BrooklynGuy! My son is still into the process and so happy all his essays are done! He has no idea I am having qualms now. We have 2 interviews coming up which at first he used to dread but now he seems totally fine with interviews. I asked him if he wanted to omit 1 app so he wouldn't have to interview again and he said no, I want to apply. It's such a change from our first interview where he was so nervous/upset/worried about the process! It's almost like we have switched roles- now he is calm and confident & I am worried! </p>
<p>His current school has sports so none of the kids play school sports- only community leagues like him. So the whole jock thing is taken out of the equation. It's cool to be nerdy at his school which may have helped him make friends I think. The negative of his school is kids commute as far as 1 hr. That makes it hard for them to get together outside of school. I am hoping BS will help him socialize since there are kids around 24/7 to hang out & do things. Thanks for the info on sports alternatives. I really like that Exeter has a club ice hockey team. </p>
<p>Your last point about all kids having problems in HS at some time no matter if away or home is a great one! I do have to remember that when the inevitable bumps in the road arise. Thanks for the thoughtful post Brooklyn Guy- as always your input is very valuable!</p>
<p>One of the advantages of prep school is that students who enjoy sports should be able to find a comfortable level. For many sports, new players are welcome. If your son enjoys sports, he will love boarding school! He doesn't have to be a varsity player to have a good time and make friends with teammates. He might even learn to enjoy sports that are new to him like crew or water polo or squash. </p>
<p>Thanks Burb Parent! Yes, he has mentioned possibly trying crew. He has done white water canoeing in boy scouts but I realize that is different from crew! Both have paddles though right? Hahaha</p>
<p>I was shy when I decided to apply to boarding school. I worried about making friends and the other social aspects, but it was incredibly easy for me to make friends at school. There are instant connections through orientation, dorms, classes, sports, clubs, and advising groups. While I think it was tougher for me because I was on the quiet side, I instantly felt welcomed and like I belonged. Boarding schools are very diverse and have all types of kids. While he might not fit in with the jocks, he'll find plenty of "nerds" to hang out with. I'd encourage him to join a math club, computer science group, or something similar to find that group and get advice from older students with similar interests.
Boarding school was an amazing experience. Even though I was shy, I was felt comfortable enough to participate in many activities and clubs. I definitely grew a lot during those 3 years. The first month or so were tough, but I'm glad I went through with it. The adults on campus were looking out for all the new students to help them along. I found the transition to college very easy, and I don't think that would have been possible without the lessons I learned during my boarding school career. It was definitely tough on my parents at times, but they have told me numerous times how much I grew and matured during my years there.</p>
<p>A wise and experienced friend of mine gave me a great mantra for parents and applicants: "visiting... doesn't mean applying, applying... doesn't mean getting accepted, and getting accepted... doesn't mean attending". I think it takes the fear factor out of the process for all concerned.</p>
<p>PA-C - We dealt with the same issues and anguish last year. My son, who is currently in ninth grade, is quiet and sounds very similar to your son. We went through the entire process last year. </p>
<p>Although he was accepted to all the schools to which he applied (SPS, Deerfield, Hotchkiss, Middlesex and NMH), we decided he needed at least one more year at home. Fast forward another year and he's almost fifteen, still very small, and in the early stages of puberty, so we still don't know if he'll be "ready" next fall either.</p>
<p>Regardless, he is re-applying to three schools this year. More importantly, we will have him repeat ninth grade. He has tremendous intellectual capability, but we feel he's still not yet socially mature enough to board. He may be ready in the fall, so we are going through the process again. He is one who will benefit from four years at a school and the longer learning curve it will provide. Once again, we will make a determination in April.</p>
<p>As a parent with a first year student, I think I go through this every other day. Did we make the right decision, is she happy, will she be okay flying by herself (that was today). It's scary, but I always remember that this was and still is the right decision for her. She was miserable in her school at home, she didn't have many friends, she was made fun of for being smart, and now she fits in. She can be as "nerdy" as she wants to be - or not. She had never done sports before either yet she made a JV sports team because she tried it. She is learning new things, making lots of friends, lots and lots of friends, and growing up. We never really want our kids to grow up but they must. </p>
<p>Whether or not you end up sending your son will depend on you and your son. Either way just applying is a growth experience. You will never look at the world the same way again. (I had an older child who went through the application process two years ago that didn't make it and now we're getting ready for college apps and we learned so much that we can now apply to that process.)</p>
<p>The advice above is great. Complete the applications, see where he is accepted, go to revisit days, THEN decide what you want to do. You don't have to decide now. And just think, you can do this all over again next year :)</p>
<p>PA-C, to respond to your opening post, you should take into consideration the schools' different cultures. Some schools are reputed to have a "sports-mad" culture, but by no means all are so. Also, perception may lag behind the present reality. I think sometimes private schools in general get tagged as "sports obsessed," particularly by public school parents, because they offer all their students the opportunity to participate on teams. When I was in high school, almost anyone could start on a team. Now, I hear from other parents, to make the team at a public high school, your child needs years of lessons in order to beat the competition.</p>
<p>The schools you are applying to all have high average SSAT and SAT scores, which is a reliable sign that the admissions officers are looking for intelligence. That leads to a different school atmosphere.</p>
<p>Wow thanks everyone! I wasn't expecting any more responses and was so happy to see all these great thoughts! We have another interview tomorrow and son is spending the day at the school with a "buddy". This is for the private day school. So we'll see how he feels about this school vs A/E which are the other two he has interviewed at so far. </p>
<p>I think we are on the right track pursuing bs though. He is getting more and more comfortable with the idea of boarding and seems totally at peace with the thought of being a local boarder. Today his current principal was so sweet thought saying they don't want to lose him! That was nice to hear since I am getting tired of trying to convince schools who don't know him that he's worthy! LOL I have seen him grow so much in the past 2 months just by going through this process- it's so amazing! </p>
<p>*IF * he is accepted to any of the boarding options we'll have a decision to make. If not, then he has the private day - which I think is a match for him but you never know- as an option.</p>
<p>Periwinkle: good point about the sports and having to be super talented to make the team in ps. </p>
<p>SCSABS: I agree with some of your concerns about maturation. Although s is in class with 9th and 10th graders now (classes are mixed by ability at his charter school) and he does well relating to them so I guess that says something good. I don't think I would hold him back- that would crush him since he is so acheivement oriented. He also did have a growth spurt last year and is starting to have to shave this year!!! I think you are very smart though to do what's right for your son and I hope he has lots of acceptances this year too!</p>
<p>Photoop:
Thanks so much! I am so glad your dtr is having a great experience and making loads of friends! I also love the last line - I get to do it all again next year!!! :)</p>
<p>My S applied to a couple of local private day schools on top of a few boarding schools. The admission officers of these day schools seem to be very interested, but they said they'd make decisions sometime in January and expect a response from us soon, definetely before March 10, which would put us in a difficult position. Has anyone had similar experience? How do you think you'd handle it?</p>
<p>Watertester: No, we havent had that experience with day schools. That would be difficult since they probably would want a deposit from you too before you have even heard back from the bs you applied to. If your son is accepted what I would do is pick your favorite of the local day schools and ask them for an extension to turn in the deposit until March 15th or so. </p>
<p>The day school we applied to has revisit days on April 1st for accepted students so they aren't looking for decisions before then.</p>