<p>For those that either have one child in a boarding school, and/or working on getting another one in, what changes would you/are considering this time around? For example, if you feel child A is a perfect match for Taft, why would child B's pefect match be Milton Academy? What were some of your impressions that influenced decisions made in the past?</p>
<p>We’re going through precisely the situation you postulate with child #3 (the two older siblings already being in two different BS). Our son’s school is 90 minutes driving time from home. We can attend his games and other school events, which we can not do for his sister, who is about 8 driving hours away. We would like to see child #3 find a school not too far from home; still, the fit remains the imperative, so we’re again looking many hours from home. Our son initially refused to consider all boys’ schools and spent his first year at a coed school (about 11 driving hours from home). Alas, he is now happy at an all boys school. Child #3 isn’t keen on all girl schools, but a number of them offer just what she’s looking for (and just what she needs), so she reluctantly agreed to visit one or two. Finally, this time around, we’ll give more attention to Mid-Atlantic and Southern options, not just New England.</p>
<p>Klements - you are going through this process for a third time? Please let me know the location of the Barnes & Nobles in your town. I’d love to drive out for your book signing event :)</p>
<p>Like Klements, No. 1 is too far away for us. Besides sports/plays/music concerts, there are a few times in the year where S needs a serious break and just being able to drive down for dinner or take away for weekend would make a big difference. Other factors that we have learned for#2–(i) avoid school with high day population–I think it impacts the sense of community/student closeness; (ii) find school where your S/D is academically strong compared to classmates. S got into and attends a school where his test scores are lower than the norm. He was a very strong, capable student so we thought nothing of it (and believed that if they accepted him, he could handle), but now, despite best efforts, he regularly feels inadequate with so many kids simply much stronger academically. Not the confidence building success story at BS we hoped for.</p>
<p>I feel as Grinzing does - distance when you have multiple kids at BS is extremely difficult. Kid #1 is very close - comes home for a meal when he wants to and was able to spend a couple of nights at home when he got really sick last spring. Kid #2 is a half days drive away and it is brutal. We have already missed at least 3 major events this fall alone. Long weekends are exhausting - you really only end up with one day to relax or go out to dinner. Kid #3 (and #4) has already stated that he wants to be less than 90 minutes away - and I won’t argue. We have a year before his admissions cycle, but I don’t think he will be looking at far away schools. At least for us, even though kid #2’s school is a perfect ‘fit’ - distance has been terribly wearing.</p>
<p>One of my requirements for the schools my daughter looked at was that they be within either 2 hours of home or two hours of Exeter. Luckily, there are around 5 million schools within 2 hours of Exeter.</p>
<p>Thank you for all of your candor and input, very helpful indeed! As we start to gear up for the process, it is quite helpful. One of the schools that might be on the list, is too long for a day’s drive, but too close to justify flying. I think for those in that “in between” distance situation, it must be hard. I think it might be best to say, “If my child can handle being far away, what is the difference if the airplane ride is one or three hours away,” which would then open up the possibility for more matches. I think we need to consider the pros and cons of the situation. Keep the input coming!</p>
<p>As we go through the process with #2, I believe in the concept of “fit.” That’s not only a product of my experience as a boarding school parent, but also from the stories about schools and colleges I hear from friends and relatives. Sometimes, I think a child is unhappy at a school because it’s not a good fit. The schools have many features in common, but the culture at every school is unique. </p>
<p>I’m reserving judgement about the “best fit” until revisits, if we’re so fortunate as to have that option. We were lucky that the best fit was clear to all of us after the revisits last time. </p>
<p>I think other parents are a great resource for parents, and the best places to meet them in the flesh are revisit days. You may find that the other families are checking out the same schools, and it’s interesting to share impressions. </p>
<p>All of the schools our son’s applying to are less than two hours away. If we have to do all this next year, I’d draw a wider circle around home. I think that it’s great to know that you can come home if you want. If our kids wanted to come home every weekend, though, I’d be worried, because I’d consider that a signal that something was amiss.</p>
<p>Lot of talk about fit, which is “fitting.” However, here’s a nuance, which is who knows what’s the right fit–you or your kid? If the two match, congrats. In our case with D #1, we had a different idea. D had very strong views on fit, mostly tied to her view of the students. Our idea of fit had more broad criteria–academics, location, opportunities, and sense of nurture, etc. In the end, D won out (because, with much being equal academically, you want them to go to the school they are excited about) and, and after a honeymoon period the first year, we are starting to see the “fit” notion unravel a bit. My point is that 14/15 year old teens have a pretty superficial idea of fit, so beware.</p>
<p>Students change enormously during the high school years. Of necessity, “fit” is of course a best guess, based on the 8th grader the parents know well. It’s probably a good idea to have a family discussion about the reasons to apply to boarding schools.</p>
<p>If kids are changing like eggs to chickens during high school, is fit overrated?</p>
<p>Most definitetly yes. Since most schools offer depth and breadth, most students who are capable of doing the work will find a fit most anywhere.</p>
<p>The term “fit” was really meant to define the situation where the school needs a certain goalie, or oboe player and all the applicants academically could match, so “fit” implied it was a need for the school that was met.</p>
<p>Now, I think parents are over-emphasizing “fit” as a way to suggest why some kids are accepted and others rejected by schools. Some even imply that somehow the school magically “knows” who will be a good fit and can apply their “secret” formula to help weed out applicants. </p>
<p>I venture to suggest that fit is entirely over-rated. Our son who didn’t think he would enjoy his BS the first time he saw it, loves it now. Since he has so many talents and interests, I also venture to guess he would have done very well at a school which rejected him also.</p>
<p>When looking at schools, one Adcom said, “remember they are only gone 30 weeks per year.”</p>
<p>As I am in the middle of d’s first year at bs; dropped off in mid September, parents weekend 5 weeks later in October, home for Thanksgiving November, Home for Christmas December…</p>
<p>Going to visit end of January, as of now, no visiting in February (but allowing my d to come if she wants/needs to) March -Spring Break, April Parents/Grandparents weekend, early June, pick up.</p>
<p>We live over 900 miles, 2.5 hour flight, (understand d was in the lovely Baltimore airport for 10 hours yesterday–I call it a learning experience).</p>
<p>I give above data to demonstrate that I believe the breaks of bs are a way of decreasing separation anxiety, in preparation for college. Would I like to visit every month, sure. I envy the parents that can drive/travel to see the sports games and activities. But I am not so sure my d would want to come home once a month, If she could. I know she misses home but loves her new life and was ready to go back yesterday. </p>
<p>Just a “outsiders” view.</p>
<p>I too think “fit” is being over emphasized/talked on. I think the most important consideration for fit is whether a kid is ready for boarding school as a boarder, which is very different from being in a public school or private day school. Another consideration of fit is whether the kid is ready for a challenging school with strong peers or otherwise. Details such as course/sports/extracurricular offerings are usually all acceptable with some flexibilities in most mid sized to big schools, and kids do adapt and change interests over high school years. Some people like to talk about the “culture” of a boarding school, but I honestly think it’s over-rated and most kids will be just fine in a range of schools.</p>
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<p>lol! You are so right about that. There’s an infinitesimal number of schools within driving distance.</p>
<p>We’re done but that would be the criterian if we were looking. We also went through the Taft Facebook yesterday with my daughter doing a running commentary on all her friends, all the intrigue, who’s in trouble, etc. While thumbing through the book I was floored how many siblings attend the school and wondered if I would have sent my other daughter (who - thank the heavens - is in college and her tuition is actually cheaper.)</p>
<p><a href=“understand%20d%20was%20in%20the%20lovely%20Baltimore%20airport%20for%2010%20hours%20yesterday–I%20call%20it%20a%20learning%20experience”>quote</a>.
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<p>My D was in the lovely Baltimore airport today. I was balling when SW said I couldn’t have a courtesy pass when I took her to the airport this morning. So she texted when she got to BWI to make a connection that she was safe, ran into two girls including one that lives across the hall, and they were sitting together on the plane stealing each other’s fries.</p>
<p>And I stopped crying and started smiling. I’ll see her in a month when I go to the school, and then a month later she’ll be home for spring break. Somehow I appreciated her more for having her over break, than if she’d been home the whole time. She’ll need medical attention to recover from the non-stop hugging (a lot initiated by her!) </p>
<p>Sometimes her connections are out of your city. One of these days are girls are going to run into each other and not even know it. :-)</p>
<p>I don’t know…while I agree that most kids would do just fine at a variety of schools, I think, given a choice, some kids(and their parents) know they’ll fit better in one school than another. It’s nothing magical: All Harkness is different from partial Harkness. Formal dress is different from casual dress. Sit down dinners with faculty different from grab food at the cafeteria whenever. Mandatory study hall differs from working in your dorm room after check-in. Schools of 1000 students are different from schools with 200. </p>
<p>It seems to me a matter of course that some students will fit better at certain schools than at others, and that one thing AO’s do is discern which kid will fit best within their schools’ particular parameters.</p>
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Maybe, but usually one kid gets to attend one school only, so strictly speaking it is not possible to make the conclusion that he/she fits better in one school than another. Besides, it sounds to me that when people talk about fit, they don’t mean things like size, location and dress code etc., which are often the first layer of filter they’d apply to narrow down schools to apply to and there are many schools in each of those categories. Sure, “given choices”, you can look more closely at your options and make an informed decision with the info you have at the moment, but remember the operation of many different boarding schools is similar. I think many “non fit” cases can be answered by asking whether the kid has what it takes to be a boarding student, or whether the school is too hard for him/her. If the kid is so “picky” that he/she only fits in one or two schools then think again on sending him/her to a boarding school because the risk of being a non fit is high.</p>
<p>As a student navigating through this process I feel like a school that is the best match for a student will present itself either on the tour and interview or on the second visit. </p>
<p>After visiting nearly all of the schools on my list (8/9) and some schools twice, I feel that there is one school that is becoming apparent to be the best fit. There are a couple close seconds and I would happily attend any of the other schools but it seems that one school in particular fits me almost perfectly.</p>
<p>D’Andrew: Agreed. I think way too many people think of bs as the pinnacle of high school choice, rather than one of many good choices, and that the primary fit question should be whether bs in any shape is a good fit. So I’ll restart the OP’s topic by saying that what I’ve learned about bs is that it would NOT be a good choice at all for my second son–and the local ps that was an awful fit for my oldest looks like it’ll be just right for him.</p>
<p>We went through this two years ago. Older son was set on having his younger brother attend the same school the following year. They would have been together for only one year. A different school, outside of New England became first choice for the younger guy. For a year they were in extreme opposite directions. Logistically a little difficult but it worked out fine in the end. I think the older guy was a little hurt but got over it quickly. The younger guy wanted to blaze his own trail and besides the “fit” was better. I miss going North where I had also attended but where the younger guy is now is so “awesome” as he puts it that we wouldn’t change a thing. I will say that it’s impossible to know for sure whether one has the right fit until after accepting and attending. You can’t take the visits and revisits lightly. One has to really try to imagine themselves there, playing sports, living in the dorms and actually taking part of what the schools have to offer which is extremely vital to a students success. My older son and I attended the same BS but everyone else in my immediate family (except my father in law) attended different boarding schools. Some of my first cousins attended the same boarding school, where there was a love for and the other not so much. Different kids, different personalities, capabilities and goals motivated us to look beyond those schools with which we were so familiar with. It really gave us a much more broad prospective of so many schools and enabled us to see the differences, sometimes minor. </p>
<p>If there was anything that initially made me feel awkward, was telling the Admission folks at the older guy’s school that his brother was going to different school. But you know, they fully understood as they too comprehend the significance of fit and sometimes the desire not to follow in one’s footsteps.</p>